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How Do I Change the Way I React?

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

I’ve heard you say, “Training habituates reactions to any circumstance.” When I make a mistake, I find that I tend to have a strong, negative reaction. For example, let’s say I made a typo in a piece of paperwork that I filed. Nobody may notice it, but I notice it when I’m reviewing it. I’m mortified and I’m afraid someone will find out and laugh at me. That’s where my brain usually goes — “I can’t believe I made this stupid mistake.”

How I can habituate a better reaction when I make a mistake?

Neagle Code Answer

First ask yourself: what’s the reaction I want to have?

Most people will answer in the negative, like, “It’s okay, I’m not a bad person, and nothing bad will happen.”

But let’s make it more positive. You could say you want gratitude to be your first reaction.

Why gratitude? Because mistakes teach us the greatest lessons in life. So let’s be grateful for them. Work having on deep, profound gratitude for any mistake you make—as if it’s really important.

In the example you gave with the typo… where is the deep and profound gratitude for the typo?

The answer is: it points out how you view yourself negatively. So now you know what to change.

It has nothing to do with the typo. It’s actually showing you about yourself.

When you start to look at mistakes in this manner, you’ll eventually retrain yourself to have a different reaction every time.

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

  • Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships.
  • Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice, and meet others who value truth and growth!
  • Join me at The Art of Success Summit! This month, I'm getting a group of amazing business owners together for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

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Should I Pay My Rockstar Team Members More?

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

I have two “rockstar” team members who are asking for 3x their salary. Hands down, they’re worth that amount.

I’d feel guilty paying them more, because the rest of my team is paid based in their country’s currency. If I pay the rockstars U.S. wages, it seems unfair to those who aren’t as capable—because maybe they’re disadvantaged, their life was harder, or they’re a single mom or something.

How should I approach this?

Neagle Code Answer

If one person is a rockstar and one is mediocre and you’re paying them the same for the same position—you’re going to lose the rockstar eventually.

The mediocre one should probably be let go, and you should hire a second rockstar.

It’s not personal.

Let’s say someone is showing up every day, giving their best—and they’re just not getting there. That’s probably the wrong position for them.

I tell people, “Find a place where you can be the rockstar of your own life.” If they can’t get there, they should probably look for something different.

That’s not your burden to carry.

You’re responsible TO people, not FOR them.

Everyone has a hard life. Everyone’s on their own journey. How determined are they to change their circumstances?

It’s their responsibility to clean up their life.

As the business owner—and their boss—you can do your team a great benefit by having those truthful conversations with them.

Be transparent. Tell them, “Look, I’d love to pay you as much as the next person. But you’ve got to clean up these issues before you can get there. You COULD be a rockstar, but it won’t happen until you clean things up. You’ll probably perform way better once you do.”

Consider how a professional sports team is run. The best person gets the job… period. People who aren’t the best go somewhere else, even if the coach loves that person.

The coach makes hard decisions in the best interests of the team.

That’s how you need to see yourself. The best player gets the spot. If they’re not the best, they need to go somewhere else—maybe somewhere where they’re looking for a “B player” or “C player,” rather than an “A player.”

If you have B and C players on your team, working with A players—those A players will leave, because A players want to work with other A players.

Don’t do a disservice to your A player, your B player, AND to your company.

Remember, it’s a team—not a family. Everyone is gunning for those spots, while taking responsibility to do their best. If someone isn’t doing their best, have a conversation about why. Then it’s a decision on what to do about it.

Recommended Reading
No Rules Rules: Netflix and the Culture of Reinvention by Reed Hastings

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

  • Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships.
  • Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice, and meet others who value truth and growth!
  • Join me at The Art of Success Summit! In April 2022, I'm getting a group of amazing business owners together for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

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Should I Give My Team a Raise?

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

I have a large team, and I’m making my best efforts to pay everyone at the upper range of their pay scale for each position. However, people are constantly asking for a raise. This triggers a reaction in me and fear that if I don’t give them what they’re asking for, they’ll leave.

I feel guilt that I can’t pay everybody double or even triple what I’m paying them. How do I handle this?

Neagle Code Answer

First off, I think it’s great that they’re asking for a raise. I want people who will ask for a raise, because that generally shows that they want to improve.

When someone asks for a raise, consider 2 things—their performance, and what you’re willing to pay around the scale for that job.

Ask yourself:

  1. Does the employee deserve a raise (regardless of whether they’re at the top of pay scale or not)?
  2. Where do you want to draw a line with how much you pay people?

That’s a personal decision and a business decision.

Secondly, everybody can be replaced. Don’t ever put it in your mind that you have somebody who can’t be replaced. Otherwise you’ll back yourself into a corner.

Some people are more difficult to replace than others, which may require that you pay them a bit more if you feel that they—and their position—are worth it.

If someone is in a position where you’re not going to pay any more, tell them that upfront. Say, “Listen, you’re already at top of the pay scale. The only way you’re going to get a raise is if the scale increases.”

Is there a place for advancement for that person?

It’s like knowing what their hopes and dreams are, and seeing if that’s a match for your company.

If there’s no advancement possible for them, then you need to let them know. You can say, “If a promotion is not what you’re looking for, and if you don’t want to advance in the company, then I completely understand if you want to move on.”

That’s part of owning a business—knowing that some people aren’t meant to stay in that position for the rest of their life, and you’ll have to replace them.

You’re also looking at individual performance data for the person and their position.

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

  • Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships.
  • Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice, and meet others who value truth and growth!
  • Join me at The Art of Success Summit! In April 2022, I'm getting a group of amazing business owners together for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

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Expecting that “It’s Already Done”

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

I’ve heard you say that when we put messages (or prayers) out into the universe, we must have an expectation that “it’s already done.”

I know someone who’s in a 12-step program. They’re reestablishing their version of prayer. They were discussing how many people are basically begging God (or a higher power) to help them to NOT take a drink each day. It seems like their prayer isn’t coming from expectation—because they’re not expecting that they’ll be able to refrain from drinking. Yet somehow, they make it through the day. How is that possible?

Neagle Code Answer

The prayer will work for the people who really want to quit drinking.

It WON’T for those who don’t want to quit drinking.

It’s the same with everything else—whether you’re trying to manifest money, more business, a house, or a boyfriend or girlfriend.

The universe responds to your energetic intention—not the words coming out of your mouth.

Many people are taught that “prayer” means asking for what they want instead of claiming it.

If they truly believe that asking for what they want will bring it to them—then it will show up, because their intention is actually to change.

The emotion behind it is the most important part. It’s not the words, so much as the emotion.

The words frame an image in your mind. That’s all they do.

In the Bible it says, “God knows your heart.”

Emotions put out an energetic imprint that’s 60 times stronger than the thoughts.

Also, if you have a strong desire to change, this overrides any lack of belief you might have.

If you learn to listen to your desire, it will lead you through your life. If it’s a true desire, it will always overcome the beliefs—whereas wishes and wants won’t, because there’s no energy behind those. (Or there’s usually a negative energy behind it.)

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

  • Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships.
  • Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice, and meet others who value truth and growth!
  • Join me at The Art of Success Summit! In April 2022, I'm getting a group of amazing business owners together for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

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I Need Help, Hiring Help

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

I need to hire a team for my business and get more support. At the same time, I keep hesitating.

I feel stuck. I don’t feel confident in the decision I need to make of what support I need for my business. I’m afraid to make the wrong decision. What’s going on here? Why am I not pulling the trigger when it comes to hiring more support?

Neagle Code Answer

When someone refuses to hire help, they will eventually slip into resentment.

The last thing you want to do is to go into resenting your clients and your business because you are under supported.

If something happens in your life, and it starts to become a huge problem in your business, it should be a wake-up call that “I’m not building the business as I should.

A business owner should be able to walk away for a period of time without worrying what’s going to happen to the business.

Get your emotions out of it.

Look at it as a business decision.

Yes, you have to learn to manage people. Yes, you need to create more systems. Yes, you need to learn how to hold people accountable. These are skills to learn.

You just have to step into them and learn them as you go.

You need to learn to start welcoming making the wrong decision, or you’ll be paralyzed forever.

There’s nothing wrong with making a wrong decision. It’s not a reflection on you as a person.

We’re all ignorant about everything we’re doing to move forward because we’re doing something for the first time and stepping into the unknown.

I have no idea what new decisions I’ll have to make tomorrow, and I can’t be certain what the outcomes will be.

I have no idea.

It’s okay to make a mistake, because then you know what to change.

Make a decision.

Decide by when you’ll make it.

Then hold yourself accountable to following through on it.

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

  • Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships.
  • Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice, and meet others who value truth and growth!
  • Join me at The Art of Success Summit! In April 2022, I'm getting a group of amazing business owners together for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

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Should I Stay Away From What Triggers Me?

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

My question is regarding being triggered.

I’ll be reading an autobiography, and I’ll get triggered by the author’s story, and immediately stop reading.

Also, I was in a store recently, and a lady was arguing with the cashier. I couldn’t take it, so I grabbed my son and left. Then I realized, “I’m running away from an argument.” It seems like I stay away from anything that would trigger me even slightly. What can I do about this?

Neagle Code Answer

That’s not good.

You don’t want to stay away from things that trigger you. You want to change it so that you’re not triggered by it anymore.

There are so many good transformation stories in autobiographies, it’s incredible. But when you can’t go any further, then you miss all the great messages in the book.

Your subconscious mind figured out the exact way to stop you from hearing the good messages. It said, “Don’t listen to this anymore.”

So you agree with it.

And it seems real, because you get triggered—so then you don’t go any further.

That’s how insidious your subconscious mind is.

As for running away from the argument in the store, you’re not healing it. You’re running away from it because you don’t want to feel whatever emotions are behind that.

Recognize what the trigger is, then change it. Change it to what you want it to be, so that you’re no longer triggered by it.

And remember… you can’t just “think” something different.

You have to internalize the new thought.

If you just think something different, nothing changes. Thinking, by itself, is completely benign. That’s not how we’re programmed. And that’s not how we change a program.

You have to get your whole body involved. Get your mind, emotions, and physicality involved.

The moment you get triggered, identify what the trigger is, so that you know what it is.

Then jump up, get excited, clap your hands together. Confirm what the new belief is that you want—and do it over and over again for about five minutes. You have to reprogram your nervous system.

Do whatever works for you. You could dance or do something else. Move your body into the change.

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

  • Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships.
  • Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice, and meet others who value truth and growth!
  • Join me at The Art of Success Summit! In April 2022, I'm getting a group of amazing business owners together for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

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Why Working Through Your Bad Feelings is a Trap

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

You were talking about how to change your mental state when you’re in a negative emotion. You mentioned that whenever you got into a state of mind you didn’t like, you’d stand up and scream. You’d shout exactly what you wanted to experience instead, and you’d get emotionally involved in it.

My question is, did you allow yourself to feel the bad feeling first, so that you could work through it?

Neagle Code Answer

No. You don’t need to work through the bad feeling more than once. After that, it’s just habitual.

There’s nothing to work through. It’s all about changing it.

You see, “working through something” is one of the biggest cons people play on themselves. That’s your subconscious mind figuring out a way to get you to agree with the problem, and to keep paying attention to the bad feeling.

Once you understand why you’re doing it, you don’t need to know anymore.

Now it’s time to change it.

This is how tricky the subconscious mind is. Some people will get triggered by something, and re-triggered again later. Next thing they know, they’re asking, “How did I get re-triggered? Where did I go back into the story?”

But that’s just giving more energy to the bad feeling.

You need to drop that—and go right back to focusing on what you want instead.

Some coaches say you have to work through the emotions that you’re feeling. But you really don’t. That’s a lie from the pit of hell. All it does is reinforce the negative emotion.

Once you know where it’s coming from, you don’t need to know anymore.

The whole idea of “working through it” comes from broken people—broken coaches, broken therapists. They tell other broken people to do that all the time, because they do it themselves.

They don’t want to leave the emotion. So they’re like, “Feel it. Go deeper.”

No, that’s complete BS. It’s just an internal reaction at that point.

The idea is to change it immediately.

The moment you notice it, jump up and change it.

Even if you have multiple things triggering you, say to yourself, “Nope, I’m not entertaining that. I’m moving on. I’m going to the next step.”

That’s what we call “constant space repetition.” You’re constantly reminding yourself to go back to the new thought. Then eventually it becomes habitual. At a certain point, you’ll no longer have to say the same thing over and over again. It will become your new default pattern.

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

  • Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships.
  • Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice, and meet others who value truth and growth!
  • Join me at The Art of Success Summit! In April 2022, I'm getting a group of amazing business owners together for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

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I’ve Just Realized I’m a Toxic Parent

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

I’ve realized I’m a toxic person. I carry a lot of my mother’s traits. In the past, I’ve yelled at my kids and made them feel like crap.

Now that I’m more aware, I’m consciously trying to change how I act and speak to people. However, now I’m feeling some guilt and shame about it. I’ve told my kids I’m sorry and that I would change. But sometimes I fall back into it. How do I deal with that?

Neagle Code Answer

The way to deal with guilt and shame is to apologize. Tell them you’re sorry (which you said you’ve already done).

However, the issue of correcting your behavior is something entirely different.

You have to set new standards for yourself
to correct your behavior.

For many people, when they try to change a behavior, they get exhausted. They’ll think about doing the new behavior for a while—and maybe they’ll even see some progress. Maybe the people in their life will start seeing the change too.

That’s all good. But you need to make sure you continue to work on changing those things. You have to be really careful and stay aware of your behavior.

You’re breaking a pattern that’s been there for a long time.

Let your family know that you won’t be perfect at it, but you’ll do your very best.  Because if you go back on your word to them, they won’t trust you when you say you’re sorry.

You can tell them, “Hey, I came to this realization. I know this is who I was in the past—but this is who I want to become now.” Then build up the trust in the relationship with them over time.

Whatever areas you’re going to work on—stick to those. Keep working on them. Hold firm to the new standards you’ve set for yourself.

Then if you need support, find somebody to support you.

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

  • Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships.
  • Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice, and meet others who value truth and growth!
  • Join me at The Art of Success Summit! In April 2022, I'm getting a group of amazing business owners together for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

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How Do I Handle My Character Being Attacked?

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

Someone has viciously attacked my character, and he doesn’t even know me at all.

I know this isn’t a business question. But if you’re in business, this happens a lot, right? You go out there, write books, and have a ton of exposure to other people. How do you create a strategy to be able to deal with this? I’ve read and reread the harsh attack about me a couple times. I can’t un-read it. How do you handle it?

Neagle Code Answer

You ignore it. You don’t let it into your head.

If you’re in business, it’s absolutely going to happen.

Here’s the first thing. From a healthy perspective, ask yourself, “Is anything this person said true?” Because sometimes we need negative criticism to wake us up about things.

If it’s all BS, then just say, “This is BS. I reject it.” You can reject it with your conscious mind.

Just don’t get emotional about it.

He’s obviously projecting onto you. Just completely let it go. Take it as a great lesson—-the bigger you get in life, the more people you’re going to be exposed to.

That’s just the way that it is.

I don’t pay any attention to any of the negative crap I get online. I don’t get much, but I do get some, and I just don’t pay attention to it.

I know who I am.

I have very trusted people around me who will tell me when I’m messing up, every time. I trust them to tell me that.

Here’s the other thing—when somebody does something like that in a non-productive way (which is exactly what this sounds like), you know it’s projection.

You know it’s projection because it’s not productive. If someone wanted to give you healthy criticism about something, they’d do it in a healthy way.

When they do it in a mean way or a nasty way, they’re projecting their own internal image onto somebody else. Everything he said to you is probably something that’s going on with him or somebody in his own life.

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

  • Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships.
  • Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice, and meet others who value truth and growth!
  • Join me at The Art of Success Summit! In April 2022, I'm getting a group of amazing business owners together for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

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I Grew Up with a Family of Alcoholics

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

I grew up in a family of alcoholics, and there was not a lot of communication or love shown in my family. I’ve struggled with letting myself be free and open, and really going for what I want.

I’ve always felt like I’m capable of doing different things. But if I don’t reach my goal, or if things get too hard, it’s easy for me to jump ship and go to something else. It’s like I always jump from one thing to the next without letting myself get emotionally involved in the results. As a teenager, I felt like I didn’t have any passion for anything—and I still feel like that today. How can I overcome this?

Neagle Code Answer

If you grew up in a family of alcoholics, I want you to understand something very important.

The predominant emotional charge in families of alcoholics is shame. It’s almost impossible to get to passion when shame is overriding everything that’s going on. This has been known for a long time.

There’s a way to overcome shame and get out of it, but you have to consistently work at it.

Here’s the truth: You don’t have to live that way. You don’t have to let shame control your life. It’s a skillset, learning how to get out of shame. It’s a big issue to be in a family dealing with that much dysfunction. I know it’s hard.

But you have nothing to be ashamed of. And neither does anybody in your family.

The shame that families of alcoholics experience is projected by society. They’ve taken it on.

But you have nothing to be ashamed of.

The fact is, people who engage in substance abuse are trying to find a way out of some pain they feel. They just don’t know how to get there. Substance abuse provides a fast way out of the pain.

It’s actually a reflection of someone’s higher consciousness trying to get out of the pain, but they were never shown how. In the essence of that idea alone…there’s tremendous amount of pride and love that goes into that.

It’s not an addiction to alcohol that’s the problem; it’s an addiction to how you feel, versus the pain that you’re experiencing.

We want to get out of the pain. We want to step into the idea that:

“I can generate these feelings on my own, and I don’t need a substance to be able to do it. I don’t need to live in a bottle for the rest of my life, and I don’t have to succumb to the shame that society projects on me.”

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

  • Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships.
  • Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice, and meet others who value truth and growth!
  • Join me at The Art of Success Summit! In April 2022, I'm getting a group of amazing business owners together for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

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