Tag: fear of rejection

Like most people, you probably have some areas of your life that are abundant, and some that aren’t.

You probably also have a story about why you’re not abundant in those particular areas.

If you’ve been following this series, you know that story is very likely a lie. It’s an excuse that is preventing you from having what you want.

Because, as I told you last time, whatever you’re experiencing or not experiencing in your life is just an effect.

It’s the direct result of something you’re doing or not doing.

It follows, then, that every result that you want to have in your life would have a direct cause as well.

Identifying that cause was the work of Step 3.

For Step 4, I want you to outline the path that Step 3 uncovered, and then take bold action toward your dream.

How to Make It Bold
I say “bold,” because it’s an engine; it’s a force that strongly pushes forward what you want.

That makes sense, doesn’t it?

If you take lackluster actions, you’re going to get lackluster results.

But if you take bold actions, you’re going to get bold results.

So what do bold actions entail?

They usually put you on the line in some way. You might be exposing yourself, risking disapproval or rejection, or upsetting someone’s idea of who you should be.

A Bold Example
For example, let’s say that, as a youth, you were teased or bullied. As an adult it’s difficult for you to trust, and you’re carrying around an “I can’t have friends” story in your head.

Now, tired of being isolated and lonely, you’ve decided to change that old story, so that you can have healthy, supportive, fun, and intimate friendships.

When you applied Step 3, you realized that the cause of rich friendships was to look at yourself and consider how you can take steps to BE a better friend yourself.

Applying Step 4, you now make a list of bold friendship actions and start doing those actions on a daily basis.

Those bold friendship actions include:

* call one acquaintance every day, just to say hello and ask how they're doing.

* send one thank you card every other day to someone who made a difference in your life.

* take responsibility for a past misunderstanding or argument, and make a weekly phone call to make amends.

* allow yourself to be vulnerable and trust, and open up about something that matters to you to someone you want to be closer to.

How Bold Changes Your Life
By putting yourself on the line and risking rejection on a daily basis, you are giving yourself a new experience that runs counter to your old story, and that your subconscious has to accept.

This creates a new belief, an “I can have friends” story that allows those friendships to manifest in your life, while also building your self-confidence.

Before long, you’re brimming with healthy friendships and confidence, and your life will never be the same.

Did this happen to you?

Did you get stuck or confused as you tried to apply Steps 1 and 2?
(As you tried to determine the thought that keeps you from seeing the results you want, and then replace that thought with one based in Universal Law?)

If so, I encourage you to try again.

It’s almost certainly the case that you got stuck because weren’t working on the correct problem.

You see, most of us have layers and layers of stories we tell ourselves about ourselves, so it can be a real challenge to accurately identify the thought, belief or story that is the core of our difficulties.

In other words, your issue likely isn’t what you think it is.

Case Study: Fear of Sales Conversations
For instance, a student of mine had a lot of fear come up around sales conversations and thought the core problematic belief had to do with the outcome, so he might have created this Step 1:

I can’t do sales conversations because I’m afraid they won’t be successful.

While that might be true, it wasn’t the problem that was keeping him stuck.

The real issue was about his father.

He was a grown man, but he kept getting hooked into an old story that was triggering fear with other people. He had the secret hope and wish that his father would stop rejecting him and start accepting him.

Because this was all subconscious, every sales conversation became a conversation with his father.

He wanted his prospects to accept him. He needed them to accept him, because he didn’t accept himself.

Once he realized the right problem, he could then apply Steps 1 and 2 correctly:

Step One: I want to do sales conversations, but I can’t because I might be rejected, which triggers the rejection I felt from my father.

Step Two: I can do sales conversations because the outcome doesn’t matter to my self-esteem. Whether the person chooses to work with me or not, I accept myself. I am worthy just as I am.

Can you see the difference that would make?

Freed from his need to be accepted by the people he wants as clients, instead, he can show up powerfully and serve them.

A Common Problem
I used my student’s story, because it’s very common.

Many people desire approval more than money, but most people aren’t aware of that. They just struggle and don’t know why.

When you’re making sales, you’re putting yourself in the position of being rejected more than being accepted. That is a mathematical fact in business. More people say no than yes, and that goes for every business on the planet.

So you have to get to the point where you approve of yourself, and you are your own authority.

That’s what this series is all about.

So try again with Steps 1 and 2, and begin to kick your core problem to the curb.

And then with Step 3, next time, you can finally start seeing the results that you want in your life.

(Click here to find the earlier Step 1 and Step 2 articles.)