Overcome the Fear of Rejection

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes fromย someone who wishes to remain anonymous.ย 

Neagle Code Question

I was working with your question of, โ€œWhat am I resisting?โ€ and Iโ€™ve come to realize that Iโ€™m resisting being rejected in my work/business. If someone tells me โ€œNo,โ€ it feels like I just want to give up. It touches on the idea that Iโ€™m not good enough.

No one has even told me straight up, โ€œNo.โ€ Iโ€™m just scared of the idea of them telling me no.

How do I build and strengthen my self-worth?

Neagle Code Answer

Understand this:

When youโ€™re in that fear of rejection, youโ€™re not thinking about how you could help the other person. Youโ€™re thinking about preserving yourself.

When someone rejects you, it has nothing to do with you.

It doesnโ€™t matter what theyโ€™re rejecting you about, either. It has to do with whatever is going on inside of them thatโ€™s causing them to say no.

When weโ€™re in business, and weโ€™re offering something that would benefit others โ€” whether itโ€™s a product or service โ€” and they need that product or service, and theyโ€™re saying noโ€ฆwhat theyโ€™re really doing is denying themselves of some kind of benefit or improvement in their life. Theyโ€™re scared to move forward.

It has nothing to do with you.

Who rejected you when you were a child? Your mom or your dad?

Every time somebody tells you โ€œno,โ€ itโ€™s like having both of your parents reject you. Itโ€™s like having them say youโ€™re not good enough, and โ€œWe donโ€™t love you.โ€

โ€ฆThatโ€™s what your subconscious mind hears.

Hereโ€™s the absolute truth. Brace yourselfโ€ฆ

It doesnโ€™t matter if your parents loved you or not. Because youโ€™re an adult now, and your responsibility is to love yourself.

When you allow yourself to be the way youโ€™re being right now, youโ€™re saying, โ€œI donโ€™t love myself enough to not need it from someone else.โ€

Hereโ€™s an exercise:

Every day, identify three things you appreciate about yourself.

โ€ฆAnd this is very important. Youโ€™ve got to get rid of the anger you have for your parents. Youโ€™re never going to be able to fully love yourself until you do.

You canโ€™t will it away. The anger needs to be expressed. Youโ€™ve got to get it out of your body.

Sit down and write a letter to your parents. Youโ€™re not going to give it to them โ€” but tell them how angry you are at what they did (or didnโ€™t do), and how they werenโ€™t there for you.

Allow yourself to feel all that emotion.

Next, find three things every day that you appreciate about yourself. Start focusing on the things you love in life.

You have to save yourself. Nobodyโ€™s coming to save you. Iโ€™m sorry they didnโ€™t come when you were sixโ€ฆbut youโ€™re not six anymore.

You have to let it go.

PS: If you enjoy reading my weekly Neagle Code, you'll LOVE my podcast, The Successful Mind. You can expect cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships, all based in Universal Law and my own experience creating a multi-million dollar business.

Will you do me a favor? Subscribe, listen and leave me a review! I'd love to know what you think!

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Why am I scared to sell my services?

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

If I'm honest I'm scared to sell my services. Many people I've spoken to don't even know what coaching is and when I've explained, I get a lot of negative feedback. I'm totally stuck and keep thinking that maybe I should just give up but something won't let me for some reason.

So my question is simply: should I give it up? Maybe the Universe is trying to tell me something!

Thank you!

Neagle Code Answer

You are absolutely right. The Universe is most definitely trying to tell you something.

Hereโ€™s the secret to finding out exactly what itโ€™s trying to tell you:

1) Spirit never speaks to you through fear.
2) The desire you feel is GIVEN to you by Spirit.
3) Spirit never tells you what NOT to doโ€ฆonly what TO do.

If you are feeling fear around selling your services, you can immediately know that the fear you are experiencing is coming from your ego. And if itโ€™s coming from your ego, you know itโ€™s a LIE designed to stop you.

And when you are feeling the desire to grow your business and help others, you can immediately know that the desire you are experiencing is coming from Spirit. And if itโ€™s coming from Spirit, you know itโ€™s the TRUTH.

So, whom are you going to choose to listen to?

I hope you listen to that Spirit-given desire within you and begin to really take a look at why you have fear around selling your services.

You must realize that the fear is the only thing keeping you from your desire and then you must step through that fear.

 

JustBelieve_Logo-01

PS: The Neagle Code: Directions for Life is a weekly no-cost program that is open to everyone! Each week, I'll select and personally respond to one question received via the above “The Neagle Code” page that I feel in my heart will help the most people. (You may choose to remain anonymous if you wish, with our full support.) It is my deep, heartfelt intention that ~ in answering your questions ~ I may provide you with the Universal Truths that in committed application, will set you free. Simply submit YOUR burning question at: www.DavidNeagle.com/ask-david to participate.

Why am I afraid to charge what I am worth?

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

All but one part of my life “clicks.” My bills are paid. My relationships are fantastic. I love what I do and am super happy except for this one thing.

I find it gut-wrenching to charge for my work. I rarely charge what the work was worth. I am excellent at what I do, and have great testimonials. I feel like I have a good self-esteem. I just prefer to do what I love and let the Universe provide.

I'd like to step up my income and move to the next level, which will mean charging what my quality of work is worth. Can you help?

Neagle Code Answer

I love this questionโ€ฆ

I need to tell you something, and Iโ€™m typing it with nothing but love.

You donโ€™t have a healthy self-esteem.

If you did, you wouldnโ€™t be afraid of the rejection you would have to deal with when you begin to charge what youโ€™re worth.

Above you said that youโ€™re excellent at what you do, and that you have great testimonials. So tell me, if this is the case, why would you find it gut-wrenching to charge for your work?

You prefer to do what you love and let the Universe provide because you are afraid of what will need to happen for you to grow. You would need to stand in your power, be confident and not be afraid of hearing the word, โ€œnoโ€.

And let me tell you something, the Universe doesnโ€™t โ€œprovideโ€ anything. It does what you tell it to do. You DECIDE, and the Universe responds. And right now you are creating just enough to get by.

You see Spirit doesnโ€™t speak to you through fear, therefore, itโ€™s not Spirit thatโ€™s making it gut-wrenching to charge for your services.

Itโ€™s your ego.

Your ego knows that you are afraid of rejection and judgment from others, and so it uses that belief to stop you from growing.

Charging what youโ€™re worth means that you would need to grow into being that person, and thatโ€™s something your ego DOES NOT want you to do because it views any kind of growth as a risk.

So, what are the services you offer worth?

Pick a number.

Can you see yourself feeling good about asking for that price for what you offer?

Write it down and practice saying it out loud. Make it feel real to you.

THEN

In your next sales conversation ask for that price.

Itโ€™s the only way to push through that gut-wrenching fear.

 

JustBelieve_Logo-01

PS: The Neagle Code: Directions for Life is a weekly no-cost program that is open to everyone! Each week, I'll select and personally respond to one question received via the above “The Neagle Code” page that I feel in my heart will help the most people. (You may choose to remain anonymous if you wish, with our full support.) It is my deep, heartfelt intention that ~ in answering your questions ~ I may provide you with the Universal Truths that in committed application, will set you free. Simply submit YOUR burning question at: www.DavidNeagle.com/ask-david to participate.

[5 Simple Steps to Unshakeable Self-Confidence Series] Article #11 ~ Step 4: Take Bold Action Toward What You Want


Like most people, you probably have some areas of your life that are abundant, and some that arenโ€™t.

You probably also have a story about why youโ€™re not abundant in those particular areas.

If youโ€™ve been following this series, you know that story is very likely a lie. Itโ€™s an excuse that is preventing you from having what you want.

Because, as I told you last time, whatever youโ€™re experiencing or not experiencing in your life is just an effect.

Itโ€™s the direct result of something youโ€™re doing or not doing.

It follows, then, that every result that you want to have in your life would have a direct cause as well.

Identifying that cause was the work of Step 3.

For Step 4, I want you to outline the path that Step 3 uncovered, and then take bold action toward your dream.

How to Make It Bold
I say โ€œbold,โ€ because itโ€™s an engine; itโ€™s a force that strongly pushes forward what you want.

That makes sense, doesnโ€™t it?

If you take lackluster actions, youโ€™re going to get lackluster results.

But if you take bold actions, youโ€™re going to get bold results.

So what do bold actions entail?

They usually put you on the line in some way. You might be exposing yourself, risking disapproval or rejection, or upsetting someoneโ€™s idea of who you should be.

A Bold Example
For example, letโ€™s say that, as a youth, you were teased or bullied. As an adult itโ€™s difficult for you to trust, and youโ€™re carrying around an โ€œI canโ€™t have friendsโ€ story in your head.

Now, tired of being isolated and lonely, youโ€™ve decided to change that old story, so that you can have healthy, supportive, fun, and intimate friendships.

When you applied Step 3, you realized that the cause of rich friendships was to look at yourself and consider how you can take steps to BE a better friend yourself.

Applying Step 4, you now make a list of bold friendship actions and start doing those actions on a daily basis.

Those bold friendship actions include:

* call one acquaintance every day, just to say hello and ask how they're doing.

* send one thank you card every other day to someone who made a difference in your life.

* take responsibility for a past misunderstanding or argument, and make a weekly phone call to make amends.

* allow yourself to be vulnerable and trust, and open up about something that matters to you to someone you want to be closer to.

How Bold Changes Your Life
By putting yourself on the line and risking rejection on a daily basis, you are giving yourself a new experience that runs counter to your old story, and that your subconscious has to accept.

This creates a new belief, an โ€œI can have friendsโ€ story that allows those friendships to manifest in your life, while also building your self-confidence.

Before long, youโ€™re brimming with healthy friendships and confidence, and your life will never be the same.

David Neagle, The Million Dollar Income Acceleration Mentor and author of The Millions Within, teaches entrepreneurs and commission-based sales professionals how to quantum leap their current incomes past the 7-figure income level, often in less than 12 months. As a world-class speaker, sales trainer, and success-mindset mentor to some of the globeโ€™s top CEOs, David also privately mentors big decision-makers in their pursuit of quantum success and peace of mind.

 

 

 

[5 Simple Steps to Unshakeable Self-Confidence Series] Article #8 ~ Are You Working on the Correct Problem?


Did this happen to you?

Did you get stuck or confused as you tried to apply Steps 1 and 2?
(As you tried to determine the thought that keeps you from seeing the results you want, and then replace that thought with one based in Universal Law?)

If so, I encourage you to try again.

Itโ€™s almost certainly the case that you got stuck because werenโ€™t working on the correct problem.

You see, most of us have layers and layers of stories we tell ourselves about ourselves, so it can be a real challenge to accurately identify the thought, belief or story that is the core of our difficulties.

In other words, your issue likely isnโ€™t what you think it is.

Case Study: Fear of Sales Conversations
For instance, a student of mine had a lot of fear come up around sales conversations and thought the core problematic belief had to do with the outcome, so he might have created this Step 1:

I canโ€™t do sales conversations because Iโ€™m afraid they wonโ€™t be successful.

While that might be true, it wasnโ€™t the problem that was keeping him stuck.

The real issue was about his father.

He was a grown man, but he kept getting hooked into an old story that was triggering fear with other people. He had the secret hope and wish that his father would stop rejecting him and start accepting him.

Because this was all subconscious, every sales conversation became a conversation with his father.

He wanted his prospects to accept him. He needed them to accept him, because he didnโ€™t accept himself.

Once he realized the right problem, he could then apply Steps 1 and 2 correctly:

Step One: I want to do sales conversations, but I canโ€™t because I might be rejected, which triggers the rejection I felt from my father.

Step Two: I can do sales conversations because the outcome doesnโ€™t matter to my self-esteem. Whether the person chooses to work with me or not, I accept myself. I am worthy just as I am.

Can you see the difference that would make?

Freed from his need to be accepted by the people he wants as clients, instead, he can show up powerfully and serve them.

A Common Problem
I used my studentโ€™s story, because itโ€™s very common.

Many people desire approval more than money, but most people arenโ€™t aware of that. They just struggle and donโ€™t know why.

When youโ€™re making sales, youโ€™re putting yourself in the position of being rejected more than being accepted. That is a mathematical fact in business. More people say no than yes, and that goes for every business on the planet.

So you have to get to the point where you approve of yourself, and you are your own authority.

Thatโ€™s what this series is all about.

So try again with Steps 1 and 2, and begin to kick your core problem to the curb.

And then with Step 3, next time, you can finally start seeing the results that you want in your life.

(Click here to find the earlier Step 1 and Step 2 articles.)

David Neagle, The Million Dollar Income Acceleration Mentor and author of The Millions Within, teaches entrepreneurs and commission-based sales professionals how to quantum leap their current incomes past the 7-figure income level, often in less than 12 months. As a world-class speaker, sales trainer, and success-mindset mentor to some of the globeโ€™s top CEOs, David also privately mentors big decision-makers in their pursuit of quantum success and peace of mind.