How Do I Find My ‘Definite Purpose’ in Life?

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

My question is around goal setting and ‘need versus want.’ I’ve been using Napoleon Hill’s mantra every morning: “I know I have the ability to achieve the object of my definite purpose in life. Therefore, I demand of myself persistent, continuous action towards its attainment. And I, here, now, promise to render such action.”

I love that and have been analyzing what it means. I get stuck at the part that says “definite purpose in life.” That sounds so grandiose and final. I have financial and personal goals… but how do I find my “definite purpose”? Do I need to have a big enough “why” behind the work I’m doing as an entrepreneur?

Neagle Code Answer

What I’m going to tell you is very important. You’ve got to find out what inspires you about what you do. And you’ve got to be 100% honest about it, no matter what it is.

Here’s an example. I have a rockstar client who went over two million, really quickly.

Then afterwards… she started screwing around with writing her purpose out on paper. She wanted to say, “I’m doing all of this for my children.”

And I said, “Why would you change your purpose?”

She felt guilty that her children weren’t in her purpose.

I was like, “If they’re not in there, then they’re not in there. It’s not that you’re ignoring your kids. But you have to be honest with yourself about what turns you on about what you do.”

What turns her on is being seen, being public, being on the world stage, and doing what she does.

“If you take that away and allow yourself to feel guilty—then say you’re doing this all for your kids—you’re going to crash your business,” I told her.

It doesn’t matter what your purpose is,
as long as you’re honest about it.

Ask yourself: “What do I absolutely love about what I do, more than anything else?”

If it’s helping people, great. If it’s building a team, great. If it’s having enough money to buy a Ferrari… buy a house… provide for your family… great.

Whatever it is—whatever gets you out of bed in the morning that excites you about what you do—THAT’S the purpose you need to focus on. At least for now.

If you feel guilt or shame around it, remember:

Whenever you experience guilt and shame, understand that’s not your voice talking to you. That’s the voice of the person who installed guilt and shame into your subconscious mind (usually a parent).

You need to tell that person to get the flying f@&% out of your head. Because it’s not you.

We’re not born with guilt or shame. Someone put it into our mind.

So, if you start feeling guilty about something, or you start feeling shame, you have to ask yourself, “Whose voice is that in my head?”

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

  • Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships.
  • Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice, and meet others who value truth and growth!
  • Join me at The Art of Success Summit! This October, I'm getting a group of amazing business owners together for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

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How Do I Overcome Imposter Syndrome?

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

The term “imposter syndrome” keeps coming up in my awareness. Can you speak to the meaning of that? What is your understanding of imposter syndrome?

Neagle Code Answer

Imposter syndrome is when your self-image doesn’t match up with the direction you want to go… and you don’t feel worthy of what you actually want in life.

Obviously, that needs to be changed at a self-image level.

There’s a quote from “A Course in Miracles” about self-image. If you’re having an issue with your self-image, you should read it 50 times a day, and behave as if you’re that person:

“The truth about you is so lofty that nothing unworthy of God is worthy of you. Choose, then, what you want in these terms and accept nothing that you would not offer to God as wholly fitting for Him.”

This is the only way to change your self-image once you’re an adult.

Remember, the way you learned as a child is not the same way you learn as an adult. As a child, we learned by gathering information, remembering it, then feeding it back to someone… who then said we learned.

As an adult, our learning is experiential.

Once you’re an adult, if you want to change the results in your life, you have to acknowledge where you are and do something different.

If it’s an internal change you have to make, then you have to be willing to do things to raise your self-esteem to the level where you want to be.

This will never be an intellectual process first. It will always be behavioral first, intellectual second.

That means you step into the actions you’re taking to move forward.

Who do you want to be, while stepping into those actions?

This is where the rewiring of your mind happens. When you’re taking action, you develop the confidence to actually do it.

Imposter syndrome is literally feeling like an imposter. Feeling like, “This isn’t me. I’m stepping into this, and it’s not true.”

It’s all about doing the thing in order to become the person you want to be.

And remember — the part of you that doesn’t feel worthy is coming from someone else’s voice in your head.

It’s not your voice.

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

  • Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships.
  • Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice, and meet others who value truth and growth!
  • Join me at The Art of Success Summit! This October, I'm getting a group of amazing business owners together for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

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How Do You Find Your Life’s Purpose?

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

What would you tell someone who is trying to figure out their purpose in life?

Neagle Code Answer

The first thing for a person to understand is that they’re always in their purpose.

The second thing is that they should get comfortable answering the question, “What do I want?”

There’s no living thing on this planet that is confused about its purpose other than human beings. The only reason we’re confused about it is because our entire life, we’ve been told we can’t have it—in one way or another, either directly or indirectly.

The idea is to get to the place where you’re giving yourself permission and you don’t feel guilt or shame by what you really want. Then start following that.

If a person says they don’t know what they want—that’s not true. They DO know. They’re just not being honest.

I’ve never met anybody who doesn’t know what they want.

Get them to a place where they feel safe enough to share, so that they’ll tell you what they want.

The other direction I’ll give to people is this:

What do you think about in your secret thoughts?—the thoughts you don’t tell anybody about?

Because I guarantee you, they’re thinking about something.

They either think they can’t have it, they shouldn’t have it, or they have guilt or shame around wanting it.

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

  • Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships.
  • Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice, and meet others who value truth and growth!
  • Join me at The Art of Success Summit! Next week, I'm getting a group of amazing business owners together for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

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Is Self-Judgment Helpful?

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

My question is around self-judgment. I really resonate with the idea of accepting who you are and what you’ve done in the past.

However, this idea bothers me bit. There are certain standards I want to set for different things in my life. How do I maintain these certain standards if I’m not judging myself? When is self-judgment appropriate?

Neagle Code Answer

Self-judgment isn’t ever appropriate. It does nothing.

You can look at yourself critically and say, “Here are things about me that need to be fixed, that I need to work on, that I can get better at.”

But to feel guilt or shame—or to make yourself a bad person because of it—that’s self-abuse.

You want to judge the result or outcome, not you.

If I get a result that I don’t want, I say, “Okay, what’s the standard that I want to create for myself to get a different result?”

I don’t judge myself as “bad” because of it.

Here’s the truth. If you don’t get the result you want—it’s either due to ignorance, or it’s due to a program you picked up when you were a kid. That’s all it is.

You can get the correct information so that you’re no longer ignorant. AND you can change your internal program, so that you’re no longer held back by your old belief system. (With both of these, it helps to work with a coach who’s been where you want to be.)

There doesn’t have to be any self-judgment around it at all.

Nobody ever felt better by making themselves feel bad.

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

  • Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships.
  • Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice, and meet others who value truth and growth!
  • Join me at The Art of Success Summit! This month, I'm getting a group of amazing business owners together for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

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Expecting that “It’s Already Done”

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

I’ve heard you say that when we put messages (or prayers) out into the universe, we must have an expectation that “it’s already done.”

I know someone who’s in a 12-step program. They’re reestablishing their version of prayer. They were discussing how many people are basically begging God (or a higher power) to help them to NOT take a drink each day. It seems like their prayer isn’t coming from expectation—because they’re not expecting that they’ll be able to refrain from drinking. Yet somehow, they make it through the day. How is that possible?

Neagle Code Answer

The prayer will work for the people who really want to quit drinking.

It WON’T for those who don’t want to quit drinking.

It’s the same with everything else—whether you’re trying to manifest money, more business, a house, or a boyfriend or girlfriend.

The universe responds to your energetic intention—not the words coming out of your mouth.

Many people are taught that “prayer” means asking for what they want instead of claiming it.

If they truly believe that asking for what they want will bring it to them—then it will show up, because their intention is actually to change.

The emotion behind it is the most important part. It’s not the words, so much as the emotion.

The words frame an image in your mind. That’s all they do.

In the Bible it says, “God knows your heart.”

Emotions put out an energetic imprint that’s 60 times stronger than the thoughts.

Also, if you have a strong desire to change, this overrides any lack of belief you might have.

If you learn to listen to your desire, it will lead you through your life. If it’s a true desire, it will always overcome the beliefs—whereas wishes and wants won’t, because there’s no energy behind those. (Or there’s usually a negative energy behind it.)

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

  • Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships.
  • Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice, and meet others who value truth and growth!
  • Join me at The Art of Success Summit! In April 2022, I'm getting a group of amazing business owners together for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

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Should I Stay Away From What Triggers Me?

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

My question is regarding being triggered.

I’ll be reading an autobiography, and I’ll get triggered by the author’s story, and immediately stop reading.

Also, I was in a store recently, and a lady was arguing with the cashier. I couldn’t take it, so I grabbed my son and left. Then I realized, “I’m running away from an argument.” It seems like I stay away from anything that would trigger me even slightly. What can I do about this?

Neagle Code Answer

That’s not good.

You don’t want to stay away from things that trigger you. You want to change it so that you’re not triggered by it anymore.

There are so many good transformation stories in autobiographies, it’s incredible. But when you can’t go any further, then you miss all the great messages in the book.

Your subconscious mind figured out the exact way to stop you from hearing the good messages. It said, “Don’t listen to this anymore.”

So you agree with it.

And it seems real, because you get triggered—so then you don’t go any further.

That’s how insidious your subconscious mind is.

As for running away from the argument in the store, you’re not healing it. You’re running away from it because you don’t want to feel whatever emotions are behind that.

Recognize what the trigger is, then change it. Change it to what you want it to be, so that you’re no longer triggered by it.

And remember… you can’t just “think” something different.

You have to internalize the new thought.

If you just think something different, nothing changes. Thinking, by itself, is completely benign. That’s not how we’re programmed. And that’s not how we change a program.

You have to get your whole body involved. Get your mind, emotions, and physicality involved.

The moment you get triggered, identify what the trigger is, so that you know what it is.

Then jump up, get excited, clap your hands together. Confirm what the new belief is that you want—and do it over and over again for about five minutes. You have to reprogram your nervous system.

Do whatever works for you. You could dance or do something else. Move your body into the change.

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

  • Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships.
  • Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice, and meet others who value truth and growth!
  • Join me at The Art of Success Summit! In April 2022, I'm getting a group of amazing business owners together for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

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Why Working Through Your Bad Feelings is a Trap

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

You were talking about how to change your mental state when you’re in a negative emotion. You mentioned that whenever you got into a state of mind you didn’t like, you’d stand up and scream. You’d shout exactly what you wanted to experience instead, and you’d get emotionally involved in it.

My question is, did you allow yourself to feel the bad feeling first, so that you could work through it?

Neagle Code Answer

No. You don’t need to work through the bad feeling more than once. After that, it’s just habitual.

There’s nothing to work through. It’s all about changing it.

You see, “working through something” is one of the biggest cons people play on themselves. That’s your subconscious mind figuring out a way to get you to agree with the problem, and to keep paying attention to the bad feeling.

Once you understand why you’re doing it, you don’t need to know anymore.

Now it’s time to change it.

This is how tricky the subconscious mind is. Some people will get triggered by something, and re-triggered again later. Next thing they know, they’re asking, “How did I get re-triggered? Where did I go back into the story?”

But that’s just giving more energy to the bad feeling.

You need to drop that—and go right back to focusing on what you want instead.

Some coaches say you have to work through the emotions that you’re feeling. But you really don’t. That’s a lie from the pit of hell. All it does is reinforce the negative emotion.

Once you know where it’s coming from, you don’t need to know anymore.

The whole idea of “working through it” comes from broken people—broken coaches, broken therapists. They tell other broken people to do that all the time, because they do it themselves.

They don’t want to leave the emotion. So they’re like, “Feel it. Go deeper.”

No, that’s complete BS. It’s just an internal reaction at that point.

The idea is to change it immediately.

The moment you notice it, jump up and change it.

Even if you have multiple things triggering you, say to yourself, “Nope, I’m not entertaining that. I’m moving on. I’m going to the next step.”

That’s what we call “constant space repetition.” You’re constantly reminding yourself to go back to the new thought. Then eventually it becomes habitual. At a certain point, you’ll no longer have to say the same thing over and over again. It will become your new default pattern.

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

  • Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships.
  • Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice, and meet others who value truth and growth!
  • Join me at The Art of Success Summit! In April 2022, I'm getting a group of amazing business owners together for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

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I’ve Just Realized I’m a Toxic Parent

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

I’ve realized I’m a toxic person. I carry a lot of my mother’s traits. In the past, I’ve yelled at my kids and made them feel like crap.

Now that I’m more aware, I’m consciously trying to change how I act and speak to people. However, now I’m feeling some guilt and shame about it. I’ve told my kids I’m sorry and that I would change. But sometimes I fall back into it. How do I deal with that?

Neagle Code Answer

The way to deal with guilt and shame is to apologize. Tell them you’re sorry (which you said you’ve already done).

However, the issue of correcting your behavior is something entirely different.

You have to set new standards for yourself
to correct your behavior.

For many people, when they try to change a behavior, they get exhausted. They’ll think about doing the new behavior for a while—and maybe they’ll even see some progress. Maybe the people in their life will start seeing the change too.

That’s all good. But you need to make sure you continue to work on changing those things. You have to be really careful and stay aware of your behavior.

You’re breaking a pattern that’s been there for a long time.

Let your family know that you won’t be perfect at it, but you’ll do your very best.  Because if you go back on your word to them, they won’t trust you when you say you’re sorry.

You can tell them, “Hey, I came to this realization. I know this is who I was in the past—but this is who I want to become now.” Then build up the trust in the relationship with them over time.

Whatever areas you’re going to work on—stick to those. Keep working on them. Hold firm to the new standards you’ve set for yourself.

Then if you need support, find somebody to support you.

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

  • Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships.
  • Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice, and meet others who value truth and growth!
  • Join me at The Art of Success Summit! In April 2022, I'm getting a group of amazing business owners together for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

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I Grew Up with a Family of Alcoholics

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

I grew up in a family of alcoholics, and there was not a lot of communication or love shown in my family. I’ve struggled with letting myself be free and open, and really going for what I want.

I’ve always felt like I’m capable of doing different things. But if I don’t reach my goal, or if things get too hard, it’s easy for me to jump ship and go to something else. It’s like I always jump from one thing to the next without letting myself get emotionally involved in the results. As a teenager, I felt like I didn’t have any passion for anything—and I still feel like that today. How can I overcome this?

Neagle Code Answer

If you grew up in a family of alcoholics, I want you to understand something very important.

The predominant emotional charge in families of alcoholics is shame. It’s almost impossible to get to passion when shame is overriding everything that’s going on. This has been known for a long time.

There’s a way to overcome shame and get out of it, but you have to consistently work at it.

Here’s the truth: You don’t have to live that way. You don’t have to let shame control your life. It’s a skillset, learning how to get out of shame. It’s a big issue to be in a family dealing with that much dysfunction. I know it’s hard.

But you have nothing to be ashamed of. And neither does anybody in your family.

The shame that families of alcoholics experience is projected by society. They’ve taken it on.

But you have nothing to be ashamed of.

The fact is, people who engage in substance abuse are trying to find a way out of some pain they feel. They just don’t know how to get there. Substance abuse provides a fast way out of the pain.

It’s actually a reflection of someone’s higher consciousness trying to get out of the pain, but they were never shown how. In the essence of that idea alone…there’s tremendous amount of pride and love that goes into that.

It’s not an addiction to alcohol that’s the problem; it’s an addiction to how you feel, versus the pain that you’re experiencing.

We want to get out of the pain. We want to step into the idea that:

“I can generate these feelings on my own, and I don’t need a substance to be able to do it. I don’t need to live in a bottle for the rest of my life, and I don’t have to succumb to the shame that society projects on me.”

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

  • Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships.
  • Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice, and meet others who value truth and growth!
  • Join me at The Art of Success Summit! In April 2022, I'm getting a group of amazing business owners together for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

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Can I Rewrite My Childhood Story?

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

For the past couple days, I’ve been pretending that I had a Cosby life (like in the good days of the Cosby Show). I was pretending my parents were educated professionals who were encouraging, loving, and supportive. I noticed that while I was pretending this was my backstory, I felt more confident. Is changing your belief about yourself really that simple?

Neagle Code Answer

Yes, it’s that simple.

The reason you feel more confident is because your subconscious mind can’t tell the difference between what’s real and what’s imagined. The subconscious is the emotional mind. It can’t determine whether the image you’re giving to it is real or pretend.

When you build an image in your mind, and you’re emotionally attaching to it in that moment, you start manifesting that image in the form of the emotional healing you’d experience if you actually did it.

Whether it’s real or something you’re making up—your subconscious mind can’t tell the difference.

It operates as if it was real.

When you’re doing this, you’re creating parallel emotions, as if it was real and as if you’re experiencing it in your body.

If you keep doing this through constant space repetition, you’ll transform everything in your life, so that it matches that belief system.

It doesn’t matter what you’re doing this with—the hardest part is being consistent. Conceptually, it’s easy to understand. You could explain this to a sixth grader and they’d get it.

Breaking the old patterns consistently is the hard part.

In the Bible, Christ talks about being like a child, because a child doesn’t doubt anything. Whatever you tell them, they automatically believe it. They’ll go into character around that belief. He says the kingdom of heaven belongs to the children.

He was basically saying it’s as easy as being like a child. Just use your imagination to build a new image.

All the other crap people told you that you’re operating with is what makes it difficult.

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

  • Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships.
  • Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice, and meet others who value truth and growth!
  • Join me at The Art of Success Virtual Summit! In April 2022, I'm getting a group of amazing business owners together for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

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