I Grew Up with a Family of Alcoholics

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

I grew up in a family of alcoholics, and there was not a lot of communication or love shown in my family. I’ve struggled with letting myself be free and open, and really going for what I want.

I’ve always felt like I’m capable of doing different things. But if I don’t reach my goal, or if things get too hard, it’s easy for me to jump ship and go to something else. It’s like I always jump from one thing to the next without letting myself get emotionally involved in the results. As a teenager, I felt like I didn’t have any passion for anything—and I still feel like that today. How can I overcome this?

Neagle Code Answer

If you grew up in a family of alcoholics, I want you to understand something very important.

The predominant emotional charge in families of alcoholics is shame. It’s almost impossible to get to passion when shame is overriding everything that’s going on. This has been known for a long time.

There’s a way to overcome shame and get out of it, but you have to consistently work at it.

Here’s the truth: You don’t have to live that way. You don’t have to let shame control your life. It’s a skillset, learning how to get out of shame. It’s a big issue to be in a family dealing with that much dysfunction. I know it’s hard.

But you have nothing to be ashamed of. And neither does anybody in your family.

The shame that families of alcoholics experience is projected by society. They’ve taken it on.

But you have nothing to be ashamed of.

The fact is, people who engage in substance abuse are trying to find a way out of some pain they feel. They just don’t know how to get there. Substance abuse provides a fast way out of the pain.

It’s actually a reflection of someone’s higher consciousness trying to get out of the pain, but they were never shown how. In the essence of that idea alone…there’s tremendous amount of pride and love that goes into that.

It’s not an addiction to alcohol that’s the problem; it’s an addiction to how you feel, versus the pain that you’re experiencing.

We want to get out of the pain. We want to step into the idea that:

“I can generate these feelings on my own, and I don’t need a substance to be able to do it. I don’t need to live in a bottle for the rest of my life, and I don’t have to succumb to the shame that society projects on me.”

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

  • Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships.
  • Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice, and meet others who value truth and growth!
  • Join me at The Art of Success Summit! In April 2022, I'm getting a group of amazing business owners together for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

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Can I Rewrite My Childhood Story?

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

For the past couple days, I’ve been pretending that I had a Cosby life (like in the good days of the Cosby Show). I was pretending my parents were educated professionals who were encouraging, loving, and supportive. I noticed that while I was pretending this was my backstory, I felt more confident. Is changing your belief about yourself really that simple?

Neagle Code Answer

Yes, it’s that simple.

The reason you feel more confident is because your subconscious mind can’t tell the difference between what’s real and what’s imagined. The subconscious is the emotional mind. It can’t determine whether the image you’re giving to it is real or pretend.

When you build an image in your mind, and you’re emotionally attaching to it in that moment, you start manifesting that image in the form of the emotional healing you’d experience if you actually did it.

Whether it’s real or something you’re making up—your subconscious mind can’t tell the difference.

It operates as if it was real.

When you’re doing this, you’re creating parallel emotions, as if it was real and as if you’re experiencing it in your body.

If you keep doing this through constant space repetition, you’ll transform everything in your life, so that it matches that belief system.

It doesn’t matter what you’re doing this with—the hardest part is being consistent. Conceptually, it’s easy to understand. You could explain this to a sixth grader and they’d get it.

Breaking the old patterns consistently is the hard part.

In the Bible, Christ talks about being like a child, because a child doesn’t doubt anything. Whatever you tell them, they automatically believe it. They’ll go into character around that belief. He says the kingdom of heaven belongs to the children.

He was basically saying it’s as easy as being like a child. Just use your imagination to build a new image.

All the other crap people told you that you’re operating with is what makes it difficult.

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

  • Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships.
  • Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice, and meet others who value truth and growth!
  • Join me at The Art of Success Virtual Summit! In April 2022, I'm getting a group of amazing business owners together for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

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Why is My Old Trauma Still Causing Issues Today?

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

When I was in my early twenties, one of my brothers died in an accident. I blacked out every minute of the two weeks following that event. We had just immigrated to a new country, and the stress level was pretty high.

Today, I have digestive issues and other health problems, which I think are a result of that event. I assume my body went into survival mode and changed how I digest food. I’ve struggled with these same issues for 30+ years now, even though I no longer feel anything emotionally. I’ve seen every doctor, naturopath, and alternative health practitioner you can imagine. I live healthy, so there’s no reason why it shouldn’t work. How do I reverse this?

Neagle Code Answer

There’s definitely a reason why nothing is working. I would first look at: How is this serving you to still have this issue?

That’s the reason why the health problems are still there.

To cut to the chase…in some way, it’s keeping you safe. It’s keeping you from being, doing, having, expressing, and remembering. It’s doing something to keep you safe. So it becomes a reason NOT to do something else. The question is…what is that?

I recommend reading “The Betrayal Bond” by Patrick Carnes, Ph.D. It’s about trauma bonding, which is based on the initial traumas that were set up in our childhood. Some of them were big, some were small, some were multiple—but either way, it keeps us in relationship to things based on the idea of trauma.

You’re in relationship to your digestive system and the outside world based on trauma bonding.

Whenever someone has a trauma in their life, the mind will wire itself in such a way where it becomes hyper-vigilant. It tries to keep an eye out for anything that might put you in a place where you’re vulnerable to that type of trauma again. There’s no logic behind this—it’s just how our mind works.

In the book, he takes you through a series of processes where you re-establish:

  • What were the initial traumas that occurred?
  • How has it actually benefiting you in your life right now?

It’s quite a process to go through. If I were you, I’d get a physical copy of the book and also listen to it, and do the actual work that’s in the book.

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

  • Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships.
  • Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice, and meet others who value truth and growth!
  • Join me at The Art of Success Virtual Summit! This October 2021, I'm getting a group of amazing business owners together for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

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Can NLP and Hypnosis Help with Anxiety?

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

I’ve struggled with anxiety forever, and I’m realizing how much it’s controlled me. Can hypnosis and NLP help with this? I’ve been reading self-hypnosis books. I’ve had some good days where I felt so free—feelings I’ve never felt before—and my anxiety doesn’t last all day.

But I also have really dark feelings that are more pronounced. The low cycles are hard to deal with. You’ve mentioned when someone gets close to breaking through a pattern, the darker feelings can get more acute. What’s the best way to deal with that, other than just concentrating on what’s working?

Neagle Code Answer

First off, you might want to get a medical check-up to make sure the anxiety isn’t being caused by a physical issue. Especially for men, if your hormones are off, you can have terrible anxiety problems.

Outside of that, anxiety often comes also from not expressing something. Humans are meant to express what they’re feeling and work through those feelings. If you’re suppressing how you feel—especially when it comes to fear or worry—those feelings will be expressed as anxiety through the body.

  • What do you need to express?
  • What unmet needs do you need to address?
  • What do you need now?

When you’re changing anything on the subconscious level, anxiety can come up as you’re making those changes. The subconscious mind can’t tell the difference between what’s real and what’s imagined. Everything it doesn’t have a pattern for is considered “the unknown.”

Anxiety is a way of stopping a person from moving forward. If we feel really anxious about something, we’re not going to want to move forward on it.

There’s no issue with using self-hypnosis or things like NLP to speed up the process of positive change. If you’re 45 years old and you want to change several negative patterns you’ve established for the last 45 years, you don’t want it to take a whole lifetime to do that.

NLP and hypnosis can help you gain the awareness to really sink it into your subconscious mind. Those tools work to help us get a foothold in the direction we want to go. They can increase confidence, help you relax, process information, rebuild your self-esteem, and change your self-image. These are all fantastic. I recommended these things right from the beginning of anyone’s journey.

Self-suggestion is great—it’s relaxing, and you’re doing it in a hypnotic state where you’re giving yourself the induction to allow it to happen faster. You’re shutting down your conscious mind, which is where your inductive reasoning factor is. If you shut that off, you won’t get any pushback from your subconscious mind. You’re just allowing the positive ideas to go right in. It’s like supercharging where you want to go.

For bigger issues in life, going through the actual work of making the change and developing the awareness around it makes a big difference. It gives us a different foundation of thinking and processing that you don’t get with NLP or hypnosis alone. But for small things, NPL and hypnosis are great to start off that foundation.

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

  • Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships.
  • Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice, and meet others who value truth and growth!
  • Join me at The Art of Success Virtual Summit! This October 2021, I'm getting a group of amazing business owners together for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

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What “Spirit” Really Means…

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

In the book, “The Science of Being Great,” Wallace Wattles says “Nothing that is possible in spirit is impossible in flesh and blood.”

I’m confused about the word “spirit.” Does he mean imagination?—like what I can imagine through the power of the spirit? Does he mean possibility? Or does he mean God’s power?

Also, when I’m imagining, am I creating or receiving? Is it me moving the particles in the universe, or am I just opening up to receive what already exists?

Neagle Code Answer

I think “spirit” means all three of those things—imagination, possibility, and God’s power.

When you’re imagining something, you’re tapping into the universal intelligence. You can call it “spirit,” “energy,” “God,” or whatever you want to call it. When you tap into that, there’s infinite possibility. Nothing is impossible.

To answer your second question about imagination… when you’re imagining something, you’re opening up to receive what already exists in the universe. But you’re arranging the particles based on the correlation and the clarity of your imagination.

For example, if the image in your head is fuzzy, vague, or confused—you’ll get fuzzy, vague, or confused results.

But if the image of your imagination is crystal clear—and you can see it, hear it, feel it, taste it, or touch it—then you’re “arranging the particles” in a more powerful way. The universe responds to your clarity of vision.

The clearer your image is (in your imagination), the more you’ll receive what matches that.

If you want to understand this more, read “Your Invisible Power” by Genevieve Behrend. She talks about visualization at the beginning of the book and does a beautiful job with it.

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

  • Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation and relationships.
  • Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice, and meet others who value truth and growth!
  • Join me at The Art of Success Virtual Summit! This October 2021, I'm getting a group of amazing business owners together for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

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How Do I Handle My Crazy Work Load?

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from Ron. 

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

How do I stop distraction? My mind is constantly pulling me in 10 different directions. I’ll study something you’re saying—then my mind drifts off…or my phone lights up and I get thrown off track.

Also, now that everything is open, my business is getting crazy. I’m trying to stay disciplined and stick to what’s on my calendar. But there are so many things I need to do that, and I keep getting off track. It makes me frustrated. There’s not enough hours in the day to get everything done, and my whole timing gets thrown off. Can you help?

Neagle Code Answer

There are a few things I’d suggest.

First of all, shut off the phone. Put it in a different room, away from you, and just turn it off.

Secondly, when it comes to studying, most people experience what you’re experiencing. When they’re reading or listening to something, their mind will go on a thought trip, based on something that grabbed their attention. They’ll start thinking about what they’re experiencing in the moment.

That’s why I encourage you to listen to things, and read things more than once. That’s the process of study.

Right now, your mind has a lot of unanswered questions… which I think is great.

Stop beating yourself up over it. I think you need to be a bit more calm and patient with yourself. Listen to the audios as many times as you need to, until you run the brain out of those questions, so you’re satisfied with the answers.

You’re doing fine. You really are. But calm down a little bit. Take a deep breath. Try to be as present as you can with whatever you’re doing.

Make the world start to conform to YOU, instead of you being pulled in so many directions by what’s happening around you.

Thirdly, when it comes to your business, you need help. Maybe it’s time to hire someone in the specific areas where you need help. Get an assistant or hire somebody.

That’s part of the challenge of being in business—is having to hire (and sometimes fire) people. Welcome to being in business.

Many business owners get hung up on, “How am I going to pay this person?” And so, they suffer and complain and don’t hire the person.

There’s no other answer. You can only do so much. Why be miserable? Just hire someone. If you have to lay them off in a month because things slow back down again, then you lay them off. That’s the nature of life.

But seriously, try to calm yourself and ask:

How can this be fun?

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

  • Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation and relationships.
  • Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice, and meet others who value truth and growth!
  • Join me at The Art of Success Virtual Summit! This October 2021, I'm getting a group of amazing business owners together for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

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What’s the Process for Getting Unstuck?

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous. 

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

What do I need to do to get unstuck? Is stepping into gratitude all that’s required?

Neagle Code Answer

Great question!

To answer this, I’ll quote something from “The Science of Getting Rich” by Wallace D. Wattles.

In Chapter 7 on Gratitude, in the 13th line, he says:

“The whole process of mental adjustment and atonement can be summed up in one word: gratitude. First, you believe there is one Intelligent Substance, from which all things proceed. Secondly, you believe that this Substance gives you everything you desire. Thirdly, you relate yourself to it through a feeling of deep and profound gratitude.”

That’s it—that’s the process for getting unstuck.

When you’re stuck, it’s usually because you’re not viewing something accurately.

Getting unstuck is about adjusting your mind and shifting your outlook. (He calls this “mental adjustment and atonement.”) Atonement is simply correcting an error such as an error in thinking.

You bring yourself back to the awareness that “one Intelligent Substance” exists (i.e., God or the Universe and everything in it).

You see yourself as being a part of that “Intelligent Substance,” not outside of it. (Nothing can exist outside of God or the universe.)

And finally, you feel a sense of gratitude that everything you want is already here.

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

  • Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation and relationships.
  • Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice and meet others who value truth and growth!
  • Join me at The Art of Success Virtual Summit! This October 2021, I'm getting a group of amazing business owners for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

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Why is My Vision Unclear?

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from Elizabeth. 

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

I’m having a bit of a crisis. I’m trying to grow my business. I know I want to be paid for the services I offer and what I’m worth. However, I’m having trouble clarifying what my vision is. I have an idea of what I want, but it’s so blurry and vague. I feel a little lost.

I grew up with the idea that you’re not supposed to want anything. Wanting is bad. I know that’s not true. But I don’t know how to get past that. Maybe I’m not letting myself think about my vision, because I think it’s impossible?

Neagle Code Answer

Thanks so much for this GREAT question!

It starts out that way for everybody. Everybody goes through that initial phase where their vision is blurry and vague. You have to do the work though, because it’s not going to do it for you.

You have to focus on your vision and keep bringing it into clarity.

Take what you know now and write it down. Then keep adding to it and make it clearer, until you have a crystal-clear vision of what you want.

Let yourself imagine and fantasize about what you want. That’s what our imagination is for. That’s how you refine your vision.

Our desire is what guides us in the right direction in life. It’s God, spirit, or the universe trying to speak through you. If you find yourself thinking desire is bad because of how you were raised, just switch your thinking.

You’ve got to snap yourself out of this hypnosis here. You’re choosing to think the way you think.

It’s not happening to you — you’re choosing it.

You have to engage your ability to choose — choose to think differently. You have to practice this until it becomes easier. The only way for it to become easier is to practice doing it over and over again. There’s no trick out there that will make you not be pulled towards your past.

Your paradigm has almost exclusive control over your habitual behavior. The only way to change it is by you choosing to think something else. Immerse yourself in good information as much as you possibly can, so that you can change the entire paradigm.

When you recognize it, say, “Next. I’m not going to tolerate that. I’m going to think something else.

You’ve got to play hardball with yourself. Self-pity is not allowed here.

This is a no self-pity zone.

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

  • Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation and relationships.
  • Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice and meet others who value truth and growth!
  • Join me at The Art of Success Virtual Summit! This October 2021, I'm getting a group of amazing business owners for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

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Are You Too Pushy?

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous. 

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

I’ve heard you say you make sales calls and stay on the phone with people until they basically tell you to screw off. I’m also a bit relentless like that—I’m not afraid to reach out and enroll people into one of my programs.

However, I don’t want to be pushy. I know everyone’s on their own journey, and I want to respect what the other person says. Some are a ‘yes,’ others are a ‘no.’ Some are on the fence, with time and money objections—I don’t want to let those people off the hook.

Where do you draw the line between letting them be on their journey, and also being relentless in your pursuit?

Neagle Code Answer

When a person tells me, “No, I’m not interested, I don’t want to do this,” I move on. They have to be willing to do it. They have to want to change.

I see many people struggling with the same issues for years—until one day they decide they’re going to let the struggle go. That’s when change happens. I’ll stick with them through that.

For people who are on the fence…I’ll stick with them until they tell me they’re not going to do what I’m asking them to do. If they show up to a coaching session but don’t do what I asked them to, I’ll fire them. I’ll give them like three chances to change something. But if they’re not going to do it, then we have a conversation about letting them go.

Otherwise, they’ll end up blaming you for the results they’re not getting.

If you’re upselling someone and they’re on the fence—don’t let them walk away and just “think about it.” It’s not a think-about-it situation. Which questions aren’t getting answered? Let’s have a conversation about it.

In my company, we ask people to really make a decision. It’s like, get off the fence already, and make a choice. If you want to do this, let’s talk about it, we’ll help you. If you don’t want to do it, just say so, and we’ll leave you alone.

We’ll also do what’s called a “take-away.” We’ll say, “It sounds to me like this isn’t something you really want to do, so let’s just take that off the table.”

Sometimes they’ll come back and say, “No, no, no, I really want to do this.” Releasing the pressure actually pulls them forward, because they’re not pushing against you anymore.

In sales, your job is to help the other person reach a decision, even if it’s a no.

If somebody doesn’t want to do my program (or offer), that doesn’t mean I agree with them. I’m just respecting their boundary. That’s all. If they don’t want to continue, I’m like, “Cool, no problem.” If they don’t see the value in it, then don’t do it. I don’t want people spending money with me who aren’t going to do anything.

That’s a total waste of their time and money, and I’m all about the win-win.

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

  • Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation and relationships.
  • Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice and meet others who value truth and growth!
  • Join me at The Art of Success Virtual Summit! Starting this Monday, I'm getting a group of amazing business owners for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

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How I Stop Judging People?

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from Tim.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

I find myself judging a particular person in my life for the actions they’re taking. I don’t understand why they’re doing what they’re doing. I’m trying not to judge… but in my head, I feel like my mind automatically wants to judge this person. I’m thinking negative thoughts about it.

Even if I don’t say what I’m thinking out loud, am I still judging? If so, how do I stop?

Neagle Code Answer

The act of judging isn’t actually the problem. We all have to judge. We have to evaluate things as we go through life. That’s part of being human. That’s how we make decisions. We have to look at things (and people) and assess them to figure out if they’re healthy for us.

I don’t know what that person’s purpose is for what they’re doing. So I couldn’t give you the right information about it.

I think you need to simply ask that person why they’re doing what they’re doing, so you can get a better idea of where they’re coming from.

Judging has to do with perception.

You cannot not judge. It’s impossible. That would mean giving no meaning to anything in your life. That’s what we do—we give meaning to things. It’s a survival strategy. It prevents us from petting a tiger or something.

It keeps us alive.

If you’re thinking negative thoughts about the situation… then don’t think negatively about it. Think positively about it. Bring in gratitude if you need to. Be grateful for the situation.

But know that even if you think positively about it—you’re still judging. Switching from the negative to the positive makes sense, but it’s still a judgment.

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

  • Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation and relationships.
  • Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice and meet others who value truth and growth!
  • Join me at The Art of Success Virtual Summit! In less than two weeks I'm getting a group of amazing business owners for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

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