I’ve Just Realized I’m a Toxic Parent

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

I’ve realized I’m a toxic person. I carry a lot of my mother’s traits. In the past, I’ve yelled at my kids and made them feel like crap.

Now that I’m more aware, I’m consciously trying to change how I act and speak to people. However, now I’m feeling some guilt and shame about it. I’ve told my kids I’m sorry and that I would change. But sometimes I fall back into it. How do I deal with that?

Neagle Code Answer

The way to deal with guilt and shame is to apologize. Tell them you’re sorry (which you said you’ve already done).

However, the issue of correcting your behavior is something entirely different.

You have to set new standards for yourself
to correct your behavior.

For many people, when they try to change a behavior, they get exhausted. They’ll think about doing the new behavior for a while—and maybe they’ll even see some progress. Maybe the people in their life will start seeing the change too.

That’s all good. But you need to make sure you continue to work on changing those things. You have to be really careful and stay aware of your behavior.

You’re breaking a pattern that’s been there for a long time.

Let your family know that you won’t be perfect at it, but you’ll do your very best.  Because if you go back on your word to them, they won’t trust you when you say you’re sorry.

You can tell them, “Hey, I came to this realization. I know this is who I was in the past—but this is who I want to become now.” Then build up the trust in the relationship with them over time.

Whatever areas you’re going to work on—stick to those. Keep working on them. Hold firm to the new standards you’ve set for yourself.

Then if you need support, find somebody to support you.

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

  • Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships.
  • Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice, and meet others who value truth and growth!
  • Join me at The Art of Success Summit! In April 2022, I'm getting a group of amazing business owners together for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

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How Do I Handle My Character Being Attacked?

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

Someone has viciously attacked my character, and he doesn’t even know me at all.

I know this isn’t a business question. But if you’re in business, this happens a lot, right? You go out there, write books, and have a ton of exposure to other people. How do you create a strategy to be able to deal with this? I’ve read and reread the harsh attack about me a couple times. I can’t un-read it. How do you handle it?

Neagle Code Answer

You ignore it. You don’t let it into your head.

If you’re in business, it’s absolutely going to happen.

Here’s the first thing. From a healthy perspective, ask yourself, “Is anything this person said true?” Because sometimes we need negative criticism to wake us up about things.

If it’s all BS, then just say, “This is BS. I reject it.” You can reject it with your conscious mind.

Just don’t get emotional about it.

He’s obviously projecting onto you. Just completely let it go. Take it as a great lesson—-the bigger you get in life, the more people you’re going to be exposed to.

That’s just the way that it is.

I don’t pay any attention to any of the negative crap I get online. I don’t get much, but I do get some, and I just don’t pay attention to it.

I know who I am.

I have very trusted people around me who will tell me when I’m messing up, every time. I trust them to tell me that.

Here’s the other thing—when somebody does something like that in a non-productive way (which is exactly what this sounds like), you know it’s projection.

You know it’s projection because it’s not productive. If someone wanted to give you healthy criticism about something, they’d do it in a healthy way.

When they do it in a mean way or a nasty way, they’re projecting their own internal image onto somebody else. Everything he said to you is probably something that’s going on with him or somebody in his own life.

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

  • Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships.
  • Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice, and meet others who value truth and growth!
  • Join me at The Art of Success Summit! In April 2022, I'm getting a group of amazing business owners together for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

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How Do I Deflect Negative Energy?

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

How do you deflect negative energy around you? And more specifically, how do you deflect it when it’s being directed at you?

I’m really sensitive to other people’s energy. I’m pretty good at ignoring it, but the more I grow, the more it comes at me.

Neagle Code Answer

First of all, Happy New Year to all my readers! I wish everyone reading this an incredible 2022.

As far as your question…I don’t really care for the word ‘deflect.’ Here’s why.

In order for something to bother you, you have to agree with it. Just don’t agree with it. Because the moment you agree with it, you energetically align yourself with it in some way.

Many people have negative ideas or negative energy…or they’re going through something rough. You don’t have to agree with it as part of your experience. It’s not about deflecting it. It’s about saying, “I’m not taking it in as part of my experience.”

Negative energy is always coming at you in the same amount. It’s just that now you’re more aware of it.

My question to you is—where is the negative energy coming from? If it’s coming from your inner circle, that’s definitely something you can do something about. If it’s life in general—if it’s the energy in the universe, or what’s going on in the world right now—then I completely understand.

You can’t control a lot of that.

I’m very empathic. With everything that’s going on in the world, if I open myself up too much, it affects me terribly. That’s not a good thing. But I’ve really trained myself to look at everything as an opportunity for me and the people I work with. I try not to judge it, but to look at it from a perspective of, “How does this fit into my personal mission in life?”

I look at it from the perspective of, “This is a period of growth and transition for humanity. From a positive aspect, what is my role supposed to be in this area?”

But if the negative energy is coming from your inner circle, that’s something completely different.

You have to do something about that.

If it’s a toxic relationship, you either have to end the relationship, or create a boundary. But there’s a rule with boundaries. You can’t create a boundary with someone who won’t respect it. Because if they won’t respect it—then what the hell is the use of setting the boundary?

In that case, you have to end the relationship, because you can’t afford to have that kind of toxicity affecting your life.

Everybody can have a bad moment, and you can agree on what needs to happen to change that or to have a healthy relationship. But when somebody isn’t willing to participate in that growth, then you have to take control. You have to say, “I can't have this in my life. I won’t do it.”

Unless it’s a child, the idea is that if it doesn’t change, you’ve got to leave or have that person leave.

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

  • Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships.
  • Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice, and meet others who value truth and growth!
  • Join me at The Art of Success Virtual Summit! In April 2022, I'm getting a group of amazing business owners together for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

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Triggered by a Conversation with My Mom

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

I recently got divorced, and I feel like my mom is rejecting me by not telling her family about it. I confronted her about this and got triggered, because she said if I ever meet someone, I never have to tell anybody I’m divorced.

I feel like she’s denying my divorce, and therefore, she’s rejecting me and my decision too. I don’t want her to keep running away from it— I want her to accept that what’s happened in my life is real.

How can I let go of this heaviness in my chest when I have a conflict with someone? How can I grow from this?

Neagle Code Answer

I think you need to ask yourself a couple questions that will allow you to grow from this:

What are you really trying to get from your mother?

You say you want her to accept what has happened in your life. Ask yourself why? Why do you want her to accept it?

Here’s the problem…

There’s nothing you can do to make someone accept you or reject you. And it’s not your responsibility as to whether they accept you or reject you.

The key here is that she needs to play the role she’s playing in order for YOU to grow in the area that you need to grow in. If you need to grow into self-acceptance and your mother changes overnight, then you don’t need to do that anymore, because you’re going to get your acceptance from her.

The universe is sending you a very beautiful gift disguised as your mom—and that is, to accept yourself. You’re a beautiful, wonderful, amazing person just the way you are.

Accept yourself.

One way you can do this is to sit down with a piece of paper and pen, and write down all the desires you have for yourself or for anything else you’re rejecting in your life.

You’ll know you’re rejecting it if you’re not doing it. If you’re not doing anything to bring each of your desires into your life, then you’re rejecting them.

You can also ask yourself: What am I tolerating in my life right now that’s a demonstration of self-abuse? In other words, what are you allowing into your life that’s a form of not loving yourself or being toxic with yourself?

Once you have that list, go down each item and work on it…and keep working on them.

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

  • Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships.
  • Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice, and meet others who value truth and growth!
  • Join me at The Art of Success Virtual Summit! In April 2022, I'm getting a group of amazing business owners together for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

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Are We All Energetically Connected?

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous. 

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

I intellectually understand the concept of karma, oneness, and universal energetic connection—that we’re all connected. Sometimes I’ll think of someone, and they’ll suddenly call me. Other than that, I don’t fully believe or trust that I’m connected with everyone else. I don’t feel that in my body. I continually doubt that it’s true. Am I supposed to feel it?

Neagle Code Answer

When we’re talking about being connected, I think it’s more of an awareness than a feeling.

We’re all energetically connected. Each of us is part of the same wholeness that we call the “universe,” God, spirit, or whatever you want to call it. None of us are outside of that creation.

This has to do with the law of vibration. There’s no mark of demarcation between one physical object and another.

What we call “space” is actually a place for energy.

Imagine your body as a universe—not the universe, but a universe. Picture all the little cells inside of you, seeing themselves as individual from you. They’re not individual from you. They live inside you. They’re part of you. It’s all part of you. But they’re also a thing outside of you.

You and I are connected right now, not because you’re reading this article, because we’re all connected through energy. You’re connected to everybody that way.

This doesn’t mean you “feel” that, or you feel everybody. It’s more of a conscious understanding. You might be misconstruing the terminology or the study of the law of vibration.

Telepathy is 100% real—where you think of someone and they call you. It can totally happen. There have probably been many times when you thought about a person, but you didn’t act on the thought.

Have you ever asked yourself, “I wonder why that person popped into my mind just now?” Probably because they were thinking of you.

But they wouldn’t know you’re thinking about them if you didn’t take the action on it.

I’ll think of several people of the blue whom I haven’t thought about for a long time—and I know the only reason I’m thinking about them is because they’re probably thinking about me, and I’m picking up on it.

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

  • Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation and relationships.
  • Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice and meet others who value truth and growth!
  • Join me at The Art of Success Virtual Summit! This October 2021, I'm getting a group of amazing business owners for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

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Must-Read: Email marketing and sales mindset game changer

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous. 

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

I have a quick question about sales and email marketing. I will send a client an email. I then don’t follow up until two days later because I don't want to bother them too much. Is there something wrong with that?  Am I just trying to play it safe?

Neagle Code Answer

First off, any decisions about sales and marketing should be based on data… not how you feel.

Not doing something because you “don’t want to bother someone too much” is most certainly based in the fear of what others may think of you…

Here’s the truth:

Sales and marketing is all about helping people… it’s about being IN SERVICE.

You can’t look at sales as bothering someone. A sales call or email is an opportunity to help someone, and that's where you need to make the mindset shift.

When you make a sales call or send an email, look to find a way you can help that individual, and shift your thoughts and feelings from “getting” to “giving”.

If you developed the viewpoint that your product or service is there to help other individuals, then…

your job is to sort through those individuals to find the ones that you can help.

If you have the belief that you need to “get” from someone, you will actually repel sales and money.

If you have trouble receiving money, making sales calls (even though you’re in the red), sending marketing emails or directly reaching out to prospects on social media, you have an issue with your money mindset. For one reason or another you’re carrying shame around money, and that shame is detrimental to your ability to make the money you desire.

Here’s what I’d like to do…

I’d like to invite you to join me at Noon ET Monday, when I’ll be hosting a FREE 4-Hour Workshop specifically designed to help you shift your money issues. We’re going to work on 1) How to charge what you’re worth and actually RECEIVE that money 2) How to make decisions that make money rather than repelling it and 3) How to shift your thinking (and energy) from getting to giving.

CLICK HERE to register and my team will send you all the details!

Remember: you never know who is looking for what you have to offer!

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

  1. Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation and relationships.
  2. Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation 2020 Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice and meet others who value truth and growth!
  3. Join me at The Art of Success Virtual Summit! This October I'm getting a group of amazing business owners for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

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What to do when success strains family relationships

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from Mariarosa G.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David!

I am the daughter of a family who was raised VERY poor, and their expectations have always been to make something of myself and to be successful, but I’m now at the top of the income level of anyone in my family and I’m finding myself in an uncomfortable place. I’ve hit a ceiling, and I think it’s because I’m worried I won’t fit in with my family anymore or I won’t “be like them” anymore.

How should I think about this so I can break through this income barrier?

Thanks!

Neagle Code Answer

Hi, and thanks for your question!

The first thing you need to understand is that when you exceed the income level of anyone in your family, you may not fit in anymore.

You may not relate on the same level anymore either.

Things that are important to you may not be important to them and vice versa.

And sometimes they will judge you for your success.

But if you don’t move forward,
you’re living a life so they won’t feel uncomfortable.

Recognize that at some level your parents gave you a double binding message.

One was to be successful.

The other was don’t stray too far.

The fastest way to move through this income barrier is to realize that your relationships may change.

This doesn’t mean that you love them any less…
it just means that it’s time to change.

Accept that change, and begin surrounding yourself with other people who WILL support you and who are also several steps ahead of you as you strive to hit your goals.

After all, you get ONE life…who are you going to live it for?

PS: The Neagle Code: Directions for Life is a weekly no-cost program that is open to everyone! Each week, I'll select and personally respond to one question that I feel in my heart will help the most people. (You may choose to remain anonymous if you wish, with our full support.) It is my deep, heartfelt intention that ~ in answering your questions ~ I may provide you with the Universal Truths that in committed application, will set you free. See the sidebar to ask your question today!

 

After an affair…how can I trust again?

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Dear David,

I recently found out that my husband of 16 years has been having an affair for quite some time. I’m having a hard time not feeling devastated. I understand that as you say, I am the center of my own universe, and I am the one that created that relationship, and I am happy to take responsibility. I am studying the laws and trying to pull my life together by working with the laws, but my question to you is – when I eventually meet another man, how will I know if I can him trust him? How can I use the laws to ensure that I don't waste any more of my life?

Neagle Code Answer

Hi, and thanks for your question.

The Law states that we attract what we are, not what we want.

So to use the Laws to ensure that you don’t waste any more of your life, you must get very clear with yourself as to why you would have attracted your husband and his subsequent actions.

If everyone in our life is a mirror for us, and no one is a victim, then we must take responsibility for everything in our lives and see the lessons as they are.

Cheaters cheat for only one reason.

They don’t have the courage to say what they want.

Is this also something you struggle with?

Do you have difficulty saying what you want, even if it means the loss of a relationship or judgment from those around you? Is there something you were lying to yourself about?

Once you have clarity around why you attracted the affair into your life, you must go to work on getting very clear about the person you’d like to meet.

You see, we are not taught how to attract a partner. Most relationships start with a physical attraction, and we fall in love, and most times, we fall in love with the wrong person.

To really make sure that you’re attracting an ideal relationship you must write out what qualities and values you’re looking for, and then you yourself must live those qualities and values.

Use that list as the authority in deciding if a relationship stays or goes, and it will help you find a relationship that will bring more life to you both.

 

JustBelieve_Logo-01

PS: The Neagle Code: Directions for Life is a weekly no-cost program that is open to everyone! Each week, I'll select and personally respond to one question received via the above “The Neagle Code” page that I feel in my heart will help the most people. (You may choose to remain anonymous if you wish, with our full support.) It is my deep, heartfelt intention that ~ in answering your questions ~ I may provide you with the Universal Truths that in committed application, will set you free. Simply submit YOUR burning question at: www.DavidNeagle.com/ask-david to participate.

My friend has a lack mentality. How do I respond?

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

I was visiting with some friends who are very much in the lack mentality. For instance my friend prides herself on how she only buys her clothes on sale or at Goodwill because it saves her so much money or constantly is telling me how much she paid for something. I find myself either biting my tongue to share my new insights with her or judging her. She is a close friend and I don't get to see her often, but how do you respond to people who have different beliefs than you?

Neagle Code Answer

Thanks for the great question!

I know first hand that this is a question that many people struggle with.

The first rule of thumb is that you should always surround yourself with people who are of like mind and goals. There is some truth to the old saying; “You are a product of the five closest people in your lives”.

The second thing I’d like to point out is that if you’re not verbally disagreeing with your friend, her lack beliefs are seeping into your subconscious.

Have you ever spent time with them, and then suddenly found yourself slipping back into lack thoughts and decisions, not even realizing it until you caught yourself days later?

And the third point here is that your friends aren’t asking you to help them change, therefore, it’s not your place to “set them straight.” They have the right to believe whatever they want, and if it bothers you, it’s your responsibility to make the choice to accept them, or to limit your time with them.

Usually when I get this question, I ask, “How is the relationship serving you?” I think this is something you may want to take a look at.

You’ve probably heard the saying, “A relationship is for a reason, season or a lifetime.”

It may be time for you to spend less time with these dear friends, and focus on making new friendships that support your ideals and growth.

 

JustBelieve_Logo-01

PS: The Neagle Code: Directions for Life is a weekly no-cost program that is open to everyone! Each week, I'll select and personally respond to one question received via the above “The Neagle Code” page that I feel in my heart will help the most people. (You may choose to remain anonymous if you wish, with our full support.) It is my deep, heartfelt intention that ~ in answering your questions ~ I may provide you with the Universal Truths that in committed application, will set you free. Simply submit YOUR burning question at: www.DavidNeagle.com/ask-david to participate.

How to set boundaries to protect your personal life

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from Tina F.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

I’m becoming aware that I have a boundary issue… meaning I don’t have boundaries around my business life and my personal life. My business is bleeding into every area of my life. Even my friendships and relationships are steeped in my business to the point where I feel like I can’t have a genuine conversation without someone in my life asking for coaching or business tips. How to I start to set boundaries for myself?

Thanks!

Neagle Code Answer

Hi Tina, and thanks for this question.

The fact that you see your business life and personal life as one is a key indicator that you have not set proper boundaries for your life and in your relationships.

Your business life should be your business life, and your personal life should be your personal life.

Here are some suggestions on how to set proper boundaries:

1) Have a set start and end time to your day. Do not let your work invade your personal time. Work will always fill the time you allot it, so you may find that you are much more efficient when you have a limited time to work on your business. Use your calendar and stick to it!

2) Get involved in something outside your business. If you like to travel, join a travel club. If you like to read, join a book club. If you like to hike, join a hiking club. This will expose you to people who know nothing about your business, but still share the same interests that you do. They won’t want anything from you except your thoughts on your favorite destination, book, or hiking trail.

3) Schedule time with your current friends and gently let them know that you’re not open to a conversation about your business, and you don’t feel you can be their coach and their friend at the same time. You’d much rather be their friend. If you’re worried about what you’ll talk about, think about purchasing a small box of conversation starters. They are great to spark new and interesting conversations.

4) Do some journaling about who you are outside of your business. You need to begin to realize that your business is not your identity.

JustBelieve_Logo-01

PS: The Neagle Code: Directions for Life is a weekly no-cost program that is open to everyone! Each week, I'll select and personally respond to one question received via the above “The Neagle Code” page that I feel in my heart will help the most people. (You may choose to remain anonymous if you wish, with our full support.) It is my deep, heartfelt intention that ~ in answering your questions ~ I may provide you with the Universal Truths that in committed application, will set you free. Simply submit YOUR burning question at: www.DavidNeagle.com/ask-david to participate.