Overcome the Fear of Rejection

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous. 

Neagle Code Question

I was working with your question of, “What am I resisting?” and I’ve come to realize that I’m resisting being rejected in my work/business. If someone tells me “No,” it feels like I just want to give up. It touches on the idea that I’m not good enough.

No one has even told me straight up, “No.” I’m just scared of the idea of them telling me no.

How do I build and strengthen my self-worth?

Neagle Code Answer

Understand this:

When you’re in that fear of rejection, you’re not thinking about how you could help the other person. You’re thinking about preserving yourself.

When someone rejects you, it has nothing to do with you.

It doesn’t matter what they’re rejecting you about, either. It has to do with whatever is going on inside of them that’s causing them to say no.

When we’re in business, and we’re offering something that would benefit others — whether it’s a product or service — and they need that product or service, and they’re saying no…what they’re really doing is denying themselves of some kind of benefit or improvement in their life. They’re scared to move forward.

It has nothing to do with you.

Who rejected you when you were a child? Your mom or your dad?

Every time somebody tells you “no,” it’s like having both of your parents reject you. It’s like having them say you’re not good enough, and “We don’t love you.”

…That’s what your subconscious mind hears.

Here’s the absolute truth. Brace yourself…

It doesn’t matter if your parents loved you or not. Because you’re an adult now, and your responsibility is to love yourself.

When you allow yourself to be the way you’re being right now, you’re saying, “I don’t love myself enough to not need it from someone else.”

Here’s an exercise:

Every day, identify three things you appreciate about yourself.

…And this is very important. You’ve got to get rid of the anger you have for your parents. You’re never going to be able to fully love yourself until you do.

You can’t will it away. The anger needs to be expressed. You’ve got to get it out of your body.

Sit down and write a letter to your parents. You’re not going to give it to them — but tell them how angry you are at what they did (or didn’t do), and how they weren’t there for you.

Allow yourself to feel all that emotion.

Next, find three things every day that you appreciate about yourself. Start focusing on the things you love in life.

You have to save yourself. Nobody’s coming to save you. I’m sorry they didn’t come when you were six…but you’re not six anymore.

You have to let it go.

PS: If you enjoy reading my weekly Neagle Code, you'll LOVE my podcast, The Successful Mind. You can expect cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships, all based in Universal Law and my own experience creating a multi-million dollar business.

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Why we attract needy clients

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous. 

Neagle Code Question

My partner and I have a law practice. It’s always our goal to provide excellent service to everyone.

But sometimes we find ourselves feeling compelled to do far more for a client. We’ve found that those individuals end up being unhappy, or lashing out at us. We know there’s some kind of correlation there — between our going overboard with our services, and having unruly clients. We’re struggling to identify what we’re doing to cause that?

Neagle Code Answer

You’re taking on clients you shouldn’t be taking on. They’re needy.

When you initially sit down with someone who’s a potential client, there needs to be a little bit of THEM selling you on why you should take them on as a client.

If you’re taking on just anybody, you’ll overlook red flags right from the very beginning. They’ll be the most giant pain-in-the-ass you’ve ever had to deal with.

Here’s an example:

Say someone’s sitting in front of you, telling you about what’s going on in their life. I would look at their problem and say:                                     

“I understand your situation. Here’s this issue. In order for me to help you with this, you’re going to have to follow my directions. If you can’t do that, then we’re both going to be miserable. I’m not willing to be miserable. So, tell me why I should take you on as a client?”

You’re going to piss off some people when you say that.

But for those who know how to accept responsibility for their own results, they’re going to appreciate your directness. They’re going to tell you why you should take them on as a client.

If someone said that to me, I would totally get where they were coming from.

PS: If you enjoy reading my weekly Neagle Code, you'll LOVE my podcast, The Successful Mind. You can expect cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships, all based in Universal Law and my own experience creating a multi-million dollar business.

Will you do me a favor? Subscribe, listen and leave me a review! I'd love to know what you think!

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[5 Simple Steps to Unshakeable Self-Confidence Series] Article #13 ~ Step 5: Create Your Own Circle of Self-Authority


Very few of us were taught to listen to our own voice, especially when it conflicted with the people who raised us.

As a result, most people continue to look to others for who they should be, what they should want, and how they should live their lives.

They never step into their own authority.

The self-confidence that they were born with lies in tatters.

And they never discover what they are truly capable of being or doing.

I think that’s criminal. And that’s why I’ve spent the past few months teaching you my five-step process for rebuilding your natural self-confidence.

Now, before I close this series, I want to leave you with one last teaching and a tool

Confidence Is a Decision
You could spend a lifetime getting ready to be your own authority, but that, alone, does nothing.

You have to make a decision.

You have to draw a line in the sand and say: “Enough! No one knows what I want better than I do. No one else is in charge of me but me.”

To help you make your decision clear and firm, I want you to create your own Circle of Self-Authority. It will only take a couple of minutes, but, as I’ll explain, its results can be far-reaching.

My Circle of Self-Authority

Fill in the spaces below.

This is who I am and what I stand for:

___________________________________________

This is what I want in my life:

___________________________________________

This is what I aspire to be, do or have:

___________________________________________

These are the experience I want to have in my life:

___________________________________________

This is how much money I want to make:

___________________________________________

This is how I want to give back to others in my life:

___________________________________________

This is also important to me:

___________________________________________


Your Rallying Cry to the Universe

Now, stand behind your list.

Allow everything in your life to emanate from it.

Let it determine who your friends and associates are, what you will and won’t tolerate, what agreements you will make, what direction you will go in, even where you choose to go on vacation.

If you stand behind yourself like that, not only will your self-confidence soar, but the universe will hear your firm decision as a rallying cry and begin to bring to you the experiences and people and opportunities that you’ve decided to have

In addition, your list will help you separate the wheat from the chaff.

We’re all bombarded with offers every day. If we’re not vigilant and focused on our goals, we can very easily get pulled off by the next, new shiny object into one direction after another that doesn’t serve us.

However, with your clear set of parameters about who you are and what you want, assessing new opportunities is easy.

Just ask yourself, “Does this move me closer to my goal?” If yes, consider it.

If not, walk away, secure in the knowledge that everything you need and want is on its way.

And your next step toward the future you’ve chosen is right around the corner.

David Neagle, The Million Dollar Income Acceleration Mentor and author of The Millions Within, teaches entrepreneurs and commission-based sales professionals how to quantum leap their current incomes past the 7-figure income level, often in less than 12 months. As a world-class speaker, sales trainer, and success-mindset mentor to some of the globe’s top CEOs, David also privately mentors big decision-makers in their pursuit of quantum success and peace of mind.

 

 

 

Start with small goals to break big habits

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from Francesca.

Neagle Code Question

David,

I’ve simply stopped setting goals. I resist even thinking about goals because my pattern is to not follow through. It’s happened so many times, that I think to myself, “Why bother…you’re not going to do it anyway…”

How do I finally break this pattern?

Thanks so much!

Neagle Code Answer

Thanks for the question!

I’m going to skip trying to understand why you’re sabotaging yourself and go right to the solution.

If you’re really committed to changing this, do exactly as I tell you below and sooner rather than later you’ll be on your way to success!

First, start with DAILY goals.

That’s right. We’re not talking about 6 and 12-month goals right now, we’re going to start small and build to strengthen your self-confidence muscle over time.

Tonight before you go to bed, take out your notebook and pen and right down THREE things you MUST accomplish before you go to bed tomorrow.

I recommend that these be income generating “things”, but it’s ultimately up to you. Sometimes it’s best to start REALLY small.

When you wake up tomorrow, put that list in front of you, and DO NOT GO TO BED THAT NIGHT until all 3 of those items are completed.

You must be disciplined here…do not allow yourself to make excuses and DO NOT GO TO BED until you’ve checked those three things off your list.

Do the same thing tomorrow night. Write down three ”things” you need to accomplish the next day, and the next day, don’t go to sleep until all 3 things are accomplished.

Setting these small, yet important, goals are small stair steps to your bigger goal and to developing the discipline, confidence and trust within yourself to succeed in whatever you put your mind to.

Once you master the daily goals, begin setting weekly goals on top of your daily goals!

You’ll gain momentum quickly and break the pattern of not following through.

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PS: The Neagle Code: Directions for Life is a weekly no-cost program that is open to everyone! Each week, I'll select and personally respond to one question received via the above “The Neagle Code” page that I feel in my heart will help the most people. (You may choose to remain anonymous if you wish, with our full support.) It is my deep, heartfelt intention that ~ in answering your questions ~ I may provide you with the Universal Truths that in committed application, will set you free. Simply submit YOUR burning question at: www.DavidNeagle.com/ask-david to participate.

 

[5 Simple Steps to Unshakeable Self-Confidence Series] Article #6 ~ Step One: Identify the Thoughts That Keep You Stuck


When you were a child, the adults around you either nurtured the self-confidence you were born with — or they tore it down.

Unfortunately, as I’ve said, most people’s natural self-confidence was torn down.

Again, this wasn’t malicious in most cases. Your guardians were trying to keep you safe, and, in the process, taught you to fear.

Luckily, rebuilding your self-confidence is not as difficult as you might imagine. It follows a simple procedure of only a few steps.

I Can’t Because…
The first step to rebuilding your natural self-confidence is to identify the thoughts, stories or beliefs that are running through your subconscious, reinforcing the fear messages you received as a child, and keeping you stuck.

One of the best ways to recognize those thoughts is to find the I can’t because messages that are operative for you.

Let me explain.

Most of us have some variation of this statement running through our minds: “I would like to do this, but I can’t because ____.”

Whatever comes after “because” reveals two things:

1. The circumstances or environment that you are experiencing.

2. And the story that you have about those circumstances or environment.

For instance,

I would like to go to the conference but I can’t because:

…I’m not ready.

…I don’t have the money.

…I’ll just waste the opportunity.

…I’m spending too much time away from my kids as it is.

…I’m not smart enough (or accomplished enough) to play at that level.

Each of those clauses reflect a different limiting belief about why that person can’t go to the conference.

Apply This
Before we go any further, I want you to apply this for yourself. Recognize what I can’t because messages are controlling you.

I would like to ________, but I can’t because _________.

You don’t have to spend a lot of time digging this out. You don’t have to go to a psychiatrist.

Whatever follows “because” tells you exactly why you believe that you can’t do, be or have the thing you want.

Now, chances are you have several I can’t because messages swimming around your subconscious.

So, do the exercise again with a different situation. And then again.

Take this opportunity to ferret out these toxic messages, once and for all.

What to Do Next
You now have a list of 2, 3, 5, 7 harmful messages that you believe. So what do you do now?

First, let me acknowledge that your belief system is your reality and perception of what you’re experiencing. And whatever you’re perceiving is very real to you. I understand that.

The problem is, as long as you’re coming from that kind of thinking, you are allowing the fear messages you learned as a child to undermine your self-confidence, and limit your life.

So Step One is to identify those limiting beliefs, thoughts, or stories that you tell yourself about why you can’t do, be or have what you want.

And Step Two is to replace those thoughts.

I’ll show you how to do that next time.

David Neagle, The Million Dollar Income Acceleration Mentor and author of The Millions Within, teaches entrepreneurs and commission-based sales professionals how to quantum leap their current incomes past the 7-figure income level, often in less than 12 months. As a world-class speaker, sales trainer, and success-mindset mentor to some of the globe’s top CEOs, David also privately mentors big decision-makers in their pursuit of quantum success and peace of mind.

 

 

 

 

[5 Simple Steps to Unshakeable Self-Confidence Series] Article #4 ~ You Have to be in Control of You


Too often, our beliefs, values, and the amount of our self-confidence are determined and controlled by people who were of great importance in our past.

That could be our mom, dad, clergy, teacher, aunt, uncle, grandparent; the list goes on and on.

In fact, most of us are trained from the time we’re very young to listen to and obey our elders, the people, who, supposedly, know best.

Very few of us are taught to listen to our own voice, especially when it conflicts with someone who assumes to be in charge of our well-being.

As a result, most people never step into their own authority.

They never test their mettle. They never see the amazing things they’re actually capable of doing.

Father Doesn’t Know Best
Well, the truth is, despite that 50’s sitcom title, father doesn’t know best.

YOU know best.

And you have the ability to do virtually anything that you can wrap your mind around.

However, in order to do so, you have to be in control of you, and not allow the ancient voices of your past—or those of your present—to control you.

What Does It Mean to Be in Control of Me?
It’s so rare for people be in control of their own lives that sometimes they don’t know what that even means.

Being in control of you means being your own authority.

It means that you’re not going to do something because somebody else likes it or doesn’t like it.

It means that the opportunities you accept, the choices you make, are based on what you want for your life. Period.

How Do You Know When Something Is Right for You or Not?
If you want to know if an opportunity would be good for you, just listen to what your internal voice has to say about it.

It will tell you who you are, what you should be doing, where you should be going, and how you should be doing it.

Now, your inner voice may not express itself as the classic, still, small voice that you can hear. It might be a sensation like chills or a knowing or something else.

If you’re not in the habit of listening to yourself, you might find it a challenge in the beginning to recognize your internal voice.

One thing’s for sure, it is not the nattering or hectoring voice in your head. It speaks simply, often in a short sentence or phrase, and usually arises from the gut.

Fortunately, the more you try to listen to your inner voice, the more you will hear it, and the easier it will be to hear.

Likewise, the more you trust its counsel and heed it, the less time you’ll spend making decisions. Because you’ll quickly check in with yourself and you’ll know.

You’ll know, right away, when something is advantageous for you or not.

And the positive impact of that on your business, life, and self-confidence will be phenomenal!

David Neagle, The Million Dollar Income Acceleration Mentor and author of The Millions Within, teaches entrepreneurs and commission-based sales professionals how to quantum leap their current incomes past the 7-figure income level, often in less than 12 months. As a world-class speaker, sales trainer, and success-mindset mentor to some of the globe’s top CEOs, David also privately mentors big decision-makers in their pursuit of quantum success and peace of mind.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[5 Simple Steps to Unshakeable Self-Confidence Series] Article #3 ~ Encouraged to Be Confident?


Most parents, while trying to keep their children safe, inadvertently, teach them to fear.

As I explained last time, if fear-inducing messages outweigh confidence-nurturing messages, you grow up approaching opportunities with a sense of caution, rather than stepping into the world with courage and confidence.

Fortunately, as I’m showing you in this series, it is possible to root out this early programming and redevelop the unshakeable confidence that you were born with.

What Were YOU Taught?
The first step to any change is to be honest. Look at your own childhood to see what was nurtured in you.

Were you encouraged to be courageous and bold?

Or were you taught to look under every bush?

What kinds of messages did you hear more of as you were growing up?

Did you parents tell you that can do anything you put your mind to?

Or did they mostly tell you what’s not possible, even if they disguised it with outrage or resentment.

For instance, “Only rich people get to do that.” Or “The system is rigged against people like us.”

We’re programmed with either fear or confidence, not both.

And it’s the predominant message that wins out.

Again, your socioeconomic status has little to do with it.

Children can be raised in a ghetto with drugs and gangs, but if prominent people in their lives encourage them and feed their minds with what they could and can do, those children can sail beyond their peers, who lack that same support.

And we certainly don’t have to look far to see people raised with wealth and privilege, who seem to squander the opportunities that come their way.

The Welcome Chink in the Armor
As I said, 99% of the time, I grew up hearing what I cannot do. But, fortunately, two factors intervened to help me break the cycle of fear.

1. I was inquisitive enough to hold onto the idea that I would like to do something meaningful even though everybody was telling me I could not.

2. My parents got divorced and I moved around a bit.

Most kids look back at their parents’ divorce and bouncing around the country as something harmful. For me, it was beneficial.

Their divorce when I was young allowed me to have a variety of experiences that broke up the fear-inducing messages a little bit.

It didn’t squash the messages I was getting at home, but it allowed other messages to come in that I could hear.

So I didn’t get as solid in what I thought I couldn’t do.

There was always a chink in that armor.

And there was always enough wonder about what I really wanted to do, which kept that spark alive.

You have that spark as well, or you would not be reading these words.

So hear this, while you need to recognize the truth of your programming, it actually doesn’t matter how thoroughly you were programmed to fear.

Because, in this series, I will show you the five steps for fanning that little spark of what you think you can do into a flame.

And with that flame of unshakeable self-confidence, you can be, do, or have whatever you want.

David Neagle, The Million Dollar Income Acceleration Mentor and author of The Millions Within, teaches entrepreneurs and commission-based sales professionals how to quantum leap their current incomes past the 7-figure income level, often in less than 12 months. As a world-class speaker, sales trainer, and success-mindset mentor to some of the globe’s top CEOs, David also privately mentors big decision-makers in their pursuit of quantum success and peace of mind.

 

 

 

 

5 Simple Steps to Unshakeable Self-Confidence Series] Article #2 ~ You Were Taught to Fear


As I said last time, you were born self-confident. When you were a baby, you didn’t stop yourself from exploring your world.

If you have children, you know that this is true. Toddlers get into everything.

And well-meaning parents and guardians, while attempting to keep their children safe, unfortunately, undermine their natural self-confidence and teach them to fear.

How Fear Is Taught
Humans aren’t born with the same instinct that runs through the rest of the animal kingdom that basically tells them what to do and what not to do.

Our nature is to explore, to determine what we want and don’t want, and then to create our environment to reflect our desires.

For the most part, other species adapt to their environments rather than create them. Sure, beavers can build elaborate dams and ants remarkable tunnels, but animals aren’t going to build a rocket ship and send it to the moon. They don’t have the same capacity as we do to create — or destroy — their environment.

During their explorations, children can get themselves into all kinds of dangerous situations.

They’ll put their hand on a hot stove. They’ll walk into water that’s over their head. They’ll climb tall trees and towers.

Since there’s only so much a parent can do to protect their children, they teach their kids to protect themselves by programming fear into them. A few of these fear-inducing messages include:

“No, don’t do that.”
“You’re going to hurt yourself.”
“You need to stay safe,” etc.

Now, don’t misunderstand me. Of course, you have to protect your children. You have to cover sharp corners and warn them of the real dangers in the world.

You just want to make sure that the balance of confidence-nurturing messages outweighs the fear-inducing ones.

What is the child hearing more of as they go through those formative years before they get into adulthood? That is the issue.

For instance, when I was growing up, 99% of what I was taught was what not to do, as opposed to being taught what I could do.

Fear Becomes a Habit
If fear messages are programmed into you more than confidence messages, you develop anxieties, worries, concerns.

All the reasons why you can’t do something are programmed into your little mind, and fear becomes a habit.

As you start to become an adult, you observe the world you’re stepping into through the lens of fear, approaching all opportunities with an attitude of caution instead of courage and confidence.

For example, you might look for a job that offers the most security, as opposed to something you would enjoy.

Instead of thinking what you will do, create, be, or even overcome, in order to make your mark in the world, you’re thinking how you can keep yourself safe.

Those two very different mindsets inform every choice you make, and create drastically different lives.

So the million-dollar question, which I’ll return to next time, is this: What was the approach of the people who raised you?

Were you predominantly taught what you could do or what you could not do?

Was your natural confidence nurtured and affirmed? Or were you taught to fear?

David Neagle, The Million Dollar Income Acceleration Mentor and author of The Millions Within, teaches entrepreneurs and commission-based sales professionals how to quantum leap their current incomes past the 7-figure income level, often in less than 12 months. As a world-class speaker, sales trainer, and success-mindset mentor to some of the globe’s top CEOs, David also privately mentors big decision-makers in their pursuit of quantum success and peace of mind.

[5 Simple Steps to Unshakeable Self-Confidence Series] Article #1 ~ You Were Born Self-Confident


You’ve surely seen this phenomenon:

Someone who was raised in poverty achieves a great deal of success, while another person, who seemingly was given every advantage in life, squanders it.

If you’ve ever wondered why that is, seemingly is the word to notice.

Because, while that advantaged person may have been born with a silver spoon in his mouth, the person raised in lesser circumstances actually got the better deal, if she was raised to have confidence in herself.

Let Me Lead You to Confidence
When I was first starting out in my own business, I was also doing sales training for the company owned by my mentor, Bob Proctor.

After a couple of these trainings, I noticed that one of the biggest problems plaguing my trainees was their lack of self-confidence.

Thinking I had the key, I told Bob that all we had to do was teach them confidence.

He looked at me and said, “You can’t teach a person confidence.”

I quickly disagreed. I figured if you can get the idea, you can do anything. And while that’s true, I realized later what he meant.

I can’t teach you to be confident. I can, however, lead you to it.

I can lead you through this 5-part process for developing self-confidence, and hope that, like the proverbial horse, you drink it in.

But before you start taking that draft of self-confidence, you need to understand how it develops.

You Were Born This Way
Webster’s dictionary defines self-confidence in part as, “A feeling or belief that you can do something well or succeed at something.”

You were born self-confident. Nothing inside you stopped you from exploring your world.

Now, some of us were fortunate to have guardians who nurtured our native confidence, so that, rather than withering on the vine, it actually grew.

And, despite any unfortunate circumstances, we actually achieve the goals that we set. We’re on purpose in our life, and we break through barriers and obstacles that we encounter along the way.

If you weren’t raised to have unshakeable self-confidence, don’t despair, because you can develop it in yourself, like I did.

The truth is you have the ability to do virtually anything that you can wrap your mind around.

When you were a toddler, you knew that.

Just think about how many times a toddler falls down before she finally learns to stand, and then walk. It’s really phenomenal, when you think about the confidence it takes for a toddler to keep getting up.

But she does. She has an idea of walking, and she tries again and again until she succeeds.

You can be like that toddler again.

If you apply the five steps in this series, you can develop self-confidence that, in time, will become unshakeable.

And once you do that, virtually nothing is off-limits. You can do, be, or have whatever you want.

David Neagle, The Million Dollar Income Acceleration Mentor and author of The Millions Within, teaches entrepreneurs and commission-based sales professionals how to quantum leap their current incomes past the 7-figure income level, often in less than 12 months. As a world-class speaker, sales trainer, and success-mindset mentor to some of the globe’s top CEOs, David also privately mentors big decision-makers in their pursuit of quantum success and peace of mind.