Tag: shame

Shamed and Guilted

We understand that a need for safety and security makes us cling to a mindset that may not support our growth.

Next, we need to examine the mechanics of how we stay trapped in this mindset, and there are two things which I think serve as guards keeping you trapped in the safety seeking mindset: shame and guilt.

These two feelings have an extraordinary power, and all over world, people use them to manipulate other people.

Think about it: it’s how we get kids to obey us, it’s how the media controls people and opinions, and how governments control opinions and behavior.

If you commit a crime, you’re found guilty.

If you do something abnormal or unusual, then you’re expected to feel shame, and often communities will go out of their way to publicly shame offending individuals.

The same thing applies to you,
when you try to live in your purpose.

Growing up, living in a middle class mindset, you surround yourself with people who also buy into that mindset. They have a very limited scope of what they believe to be possible, and when they encounter desires, either their own or someone else’s, that seem to stretch beyond that scope, it startles them, and in that fear they lash out.

It happens all the time.

You’ll hear about parents who never went to school getting angry with their kids for going to college or getting higher paying jobs than they have.

It doesn’t have to be that extreme—sometimes it just manifests as doubt, or as questions. That happened to me.

My mom, whenever I would bring up a desire or a dream, would always ask, “Well, what if something happens?”

The crazy thing is, she could never articulate what that something might be or what the negative consequences were.

She was just constantly worried that something might happen. And I internalized that, and it took me a while to work past it.

All of what I just said serves as examples of how people and societies use shame and guilt to reinforce an unsupportive mindset.

In stepping into your purpose, following your dreams and desires, you will brush up against a lot of shame and guilt. People will say that you’re disloyal, irresponsible, a jackass, greedy, self-centered, have your head in the clouds, etc.

Then, internally, you might start to feel guilty about the decisions you’ve made or feel ashamed about what you want.

To move forward and really live your purpose, you need to be able to move past that shame and guilt. If you can’t you’ll get trapped in this crazy cycle where you want something, start to go for it, feel bad, and quit.

You have to remove the shame and the guilt from your life, because what lies on the other side is true freedom.

Until next time…

PS: If you enjoy reading these articles, you'll LOVE my podcast, The Successful Mind. You can expect cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships, all based in Universal Law and my own experience creating a multi-million dollar business.

Will you do me a favor? Subscribe, listen and leave me a review! I'd love to know what you think!

Thanks in advance…click on the graphic below to listen in:

iTunes | Android
Save
Save

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from Mark P.

Hi David! I recently listened to one of your podcasts and heard you talk about shame and guilt. One of my mother’s favorite phrases growing up was, “Shame on you, Mark!” Even typing that phrase I can feel it in my stomach. Yes, I am struggling in my business…I’m an attorney and I feel guilty when a potential client tells me they can’t afford me, even though my services save them thousands. Does this all tie back to my childhood? I’m a grown man for crying out loud!

Hi Mark and thanks for your question!

The simple answer to your question is yes…what you are experiencing in your business ties directly back to your childhood. And I know that can feel frustrating and confusing, so let me explain how this works.

Shame says there’s something wrong with you, and guilt says there is something wrong with what you’ve done.

The message you received as a child when your mother perceived you had done something wrong was that there was something wrong with you. As a child you don’t have the ability to reject the idea, so you accepted it as truth about yourself.

And that is an extremely painful thing for a child. Their very survival is dependent on their parents, so the child learns that mistakes, behaviors, and any form of expression their parents don’t approve of puts them at risk. This then forces the child to change who they are, what they think and how they behave to fit in with the beliefs, values and behaviors of their parents.

They lose all sense of who THEY are and they become who their parents want them to be.

Their sense of self
becomes eroded.

You’re experiencing that inner battle between your parent’s voice in your head and who you are meant to be and what you are meant to do.

Every time you try to step out of those patterns, you hear a voice in your head telling you that you’re a bad person…you should feel guilty, and be ashamed.

Mark, how many times do you do things you don’t want to do because you’re worried about what someone else will think of you?

How many times do you discount your prices to avoid feeling guilty?

How many times do you sacrifice what you want, and put someone else’s needs ahead of your own?

Really look at ALL areas of your life.

Shame and guilt are pervasive in our society and every one of my clients have had to heal this within themselves to achieve the success they wanted.

I’m hosting a FREE 60-minute class on this topic at 1pm ET on Tuesday. I suggest you CLICK HERE and register for the class. If you can’t make it live, I’ll send you the recording.

And until then, my suggestion would be to remove your mother’s authority in your life.

Be your own mother, and everyday find at least 3 things you appreciate about YOURSELF.

Write those down and let’s start building a strong sense of self, because the truth is…

There’s not a single thing wrong with you.

PS: If you enjoy reading my weekly Neagle Code, you'll LOVE my podcast, The Successful Mind. You can expect cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships, all based in Universal Law and my own experience creating a multi-million dollar business.

Will you do me a favor? Subscribe, listen and leave me a review! I'd love to know what you think!

Thanks in advance…click on the graphic below to listen in:

iTunes | Android
Save
Save

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

David, I watched your video training this week on financial set points, and so much of what you said helped me make sense of what’s been happening in my business. But I still don’t understand the role that shame plays in controlling my ability to become wealthy. I understand how shame relates to being poor, but not how it relates to being wealthy.

Why would I be ashamed of being wealthy when it would allow me to do so many amazing things including helping others?

Hi, and thanks for your question.

Your subconscious mind is insidious as hell. Even though it doesn’t make conscious sense to you, this “unseen” program is running your life, and it’s what I like to call a Blind Spot.

Let me explain.

As I said last week, each one of us has an internal “set point” that subconsciously governs our ability to make money.

This set point is based on the beliefs and values that we accepted prior to the age of 7.

AND, this set point is controlled by SHAME.

So, think about this…

What were the messages you received from your parents about wealthy people?

I know my parents passed the belief on to me that wealthy people were dishonest, just lucky, or even crooks. And the message I received was that I did not want to be like them.

Other people may have heard things like, “Look at that big shot, driving that car…they must be compensating for something.”

Or

Maybe the message of “we are not like them” was passed on simply by observing how your parents acted or changed when in the company of someone they perceived as wealthy.

Really think long and hard about the messages (both spoken and unspoken) that you received growing up.

It’s the reason why people may have a very profitable month or two, but then end up right back where they started. It’s pretty easy to hide a little extra money, but if you were to really be able to generate wealth and begin to spend it, people would notice; and in comes shame without you even realizing what’s happening.

In case you missed my free video training this week, I’ve decided to offer two encore presentations. If you’re experiencing an inability to create wealth in your life, I suggest you check it out…I want to walk you through EXACTLY how to identify what’s controlling your ability to make the money you desire rather than “barely enough”.

->CLICK HERE FOR ALL THE DETAILS

PS: If you enjoy reading my weekly Neagle Code, you'll LOVE my podcast, The Successful Mind. You can expect cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships, all based in Universal Law and my own experience creating a multi-million dollar business.

Will you do me a favor? Subscribe, listen and leave me a review! I'd love to know what you think!

Thanks in advance…click on the graphic below to listen in:

iTunes | Android
Save
Save

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

David, I have heard you say that everyone has the same amount of money, meaning that there’s not some force that allocates riches to some people and nothing to others. We actually all have the ability to become wealthy if we desire to do so.

Here’s my issue: I have a deep desire to build my business, help others and create wealth for myself and my family, but month after month, I make just enough to cover my expenses. What am I missing???

Hi and thanks for your question.

The answer is quite simple.

What you are missing is awareness.

Let me explain.

Each one of us has an internal “set point” that subconsciously governs our ability to make money.

This set point is based on the beliefs and values that we accepted prior to the age of 7.

I know it sounds crazy to think that information you accepted prior to the age of 7 would even be a factor in your ability to make money, but it is 100% true.

It keeps you on a never-ending teeter-totter between making just barely enough and not making enough.

One month you’ll make more than you need, and the next you’ll have to scramble to make sure everything (and everyone) gets paid.

Your set point was created out of your subconscious beliefs about wealth and poverty, and is

Controlled by
shame and guilt.

And here’s the thing…until you become aware of this invisible mechanism, you’ll have a difficult time hitting your financial goals.

You’ll think that you need to:

• Work harder and longer hours

• Hire more people

• Change your programs or pricing

• Learn a new strategy

• Get another degree, certification or training

• Change jobs, businesses or careers

And really you just need to understand the underlying mechanism that’s secretly pulling your strings like a puppet, so you can then make a conscious choice.

I get this question so often that I’ve decided to start this year with a BRAND NEW video training on this exact subject. I want to walk you through EXACTLY how to identify what’s controlling your ability to make the money you desire rather than “barely enough”.

->CLICK HERE FOR ALL THE DETAILS

PS: If you enjoy reading my weekly Neagle Code, you'll LOVE my podcast, The Successful Mind. You can expect cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships, all based in Universal Law and my own experience creating a multi-million dollar business.

Will you do me a favor? Subscribe, listen and leave me a review! I'd love to know what you think!

Thanks in advance…click on the graphic below to listen in:

iTunes | Android
Save
Save