How to strengthen your self-esteem

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Hey David!

My intention is to have monthly events to make money, do what I love and grow my community. I am flying high at and after my events, on top of the world — until the day after when my negativity comes in. I start thinking that people don't like me anymore; I question whether they'll come back. It gets weird in my head. This is clearly an issue. I have been doing my best to stop it when it happens, breathe and bring in new thoughts. It's almost torture at times. I hate that I do this to myself but also happy that I am conscious of it now. So what I wonder, are there any additional techniques on how to flip the switch on these thoughts and interrupt the pattern — as well as stay in that I’m-great-and-did-a-great-job energy??

Neagle Code Answer

Hi! Thanks for your question and your honesty.

It’s wonderful that you are conscious of this pattern in your life, but you must do more than breathe and bring in new thoughts… you must build your self-esteem.

You see, the reason you feel on top of the world after your event is because you are feeding off of the energy and appreciation of the audience. Once that acknowledgement and appreciation fade, your wound re-appears.

A person with a fully developed self-esteem would speak from stage because that is what they are meant to do. They wouldn’t care who liked them or appreciated them.

I always tell my audience, that my job is not to be their friend, and I don’t care if they like me or not.

I know that I have a message to speak, and the people who need to hear will, and those that aren’t ready, won’t. Either way, at the end of the day, I feel good about me and the fact that I’ve given my best to help whomever is willing to listen.

For you, I’d suggest taking a deep look at your need for appreciation and acknowledgement.

Why do you need this from the audience?

Why do you need them to like you, when whether or not they like you is actually none of your business.

Once you begin to take steps to build your self-esteem you’ll find yourself becoming less worried about what others think, and more powerful from stage.

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[8 Steps To A Live Presentation That Sells Series] Article #21 ~ You Be You

Before you do a presentation, you want to find out about the background and needs of your audience, and you may choose to tailor your content or delivery somewhat.

However, don’t change who you are. You have to be you.

This is especially true when considering feedback.

Be careful and discerning about whom you accept criticism from and how deeply you consider what they say.

Some people will criticize you just for being you. Don’t listen to them. And don’t try to please everybody, because that’s not going to happen.

Being too sensitive to other people’s opinions could devastate your speaking career. I've seen people receive criticism and just wither away.

Develop a thick skin, but make sure that it still lets in helpful feedback.

How do you tell the difference? You start by considering the source.

“You’re Really Not Very Good.”
A number of years ago, Bob Proctor and I were going to be teaching at a seminar a magazine was hosting on The Science of Getting Rich. They were having trouble filling the room, so they asked us to do a pre-seminar to sell people on the full event.

After my presentation, the magazine’s editor-in-chief came up to me and asked, “Have you ever watched yourself speak before?”

“No, I never have,” I said.

“I suggest that you videotape yourself and start studying what you're saying,” he said.

“Why?” I asked.

“Because you're really not very good.”

I smirked a little, and said, “Let's just see what happens with the sales.”

Sure enough, what happened was we sold the entire room. Everybody in that pre-seminar signed up for the full seminar.

When I asked Bob about the criticism, he told me to disregard it. The guy was an intellect, who’d probably never seen a sales presentation before. He reminded me that I packed the room, which is what I was there to do.

Seek the Advice of Professionals
Take advice, suggestions, and criticism from seasoned pros and people who know the business.

If you get criticism about your speaking performance from a member of your audience, ask a pro for a second opinion.

Some advice might be good, and you may want to consider changing what you’re doing. But some feedback will be full of hot air, and you need to ignore it.

Be Authentic
Once at a seminar, a member of my team told me that an attendee wasn’t happy with how quickly I was presenting the material.

I told him, “I'm not changing that for anybody. This is how I present, who I am and what I do.”

Don’t let people tell you that you need to speak faster or slower, step to the left, not gesture with your hands or whatever. Forget all of that stuff.

When you speak, just be the best that you can be, and be authentic.

Be you.

People-pleasing will not increase your sales. In fact, the opposite is true.

The more authentic you are, the more your ideal clients will respond to you, and the greater your sales are likely to be.

David Neagle, The Million Dollar Income Acceleration Mentor and author of The Millions Within, teaches entrepreneurs and commission-based sales professionals how to quantum leap their current incomes past the 7-figure income level, often in less than 12 months. As a world-class speaker, sales trainer, and success-mindset mentor to some of the globe’s top CEOs, David also privately mentors big decision-makers in their pursuit of quantum success and peace of mind.