Tag: toxic relationships

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Hi David,

How do you deflect negative energy around you? And more specifically, how do you deflect it when it’s being directed at you?

I’m really sensitive to other people’s energy. I’m pretty good at ignoring it, but the more I grow, the more it comes at me.

First of all, Happy New Year to all my readers! I wish everyone reading this an incredible 2022.

As far as your question…I don’t really care for the word ‘deflect.’ Here’s why.

In order for something to bother you, you have to agree with it. Just don’t agree with it. Because the moment you agree with it, you energetically align yourself with it in some way.

Many people have negative ideas or negative energy…or they’re going through something rough. You don’t have to agree with it as part of your experience. It’s not about deflecting it. It’s about saying, “I’m not taking it in as part of my experience.”

Negative energy is always coming at you in the same amount. It’s just that now you’re more aware of it.

My question to you is—where is the negative energy coming from? If it’s coming from your inner circle, that’s definitely something you can do something about. If it’s life in general—if it’s the energy in the universe, or what’s going on in the world right now—then I completely understand.

You can’t control a lot of that.

I’m very empathic. With everything that’s going on in the world, if I open myself up too much, it affects me terribly. That’s not a good thing. But I’ve really trained myself to look at everything as an opportunity for me and the people I work with. I try not to judge it, but to look at it from a perspective of, “How does this fit into my personal mission in life?”

I look at it from the perspective of, “This is a period of growth and transition for humanity. From a positive aspect, what is my role supposed to be in this area?”

But if the negative energy is coming from your inner circle, that’s something completely different.

You have to do something about that.

If it’s a toxic relationship, you either have to end the relationship, or create a boundary. But there’s a rule with boundaries. You can’t create a boundary with someone who won’t respect it. Because if they won’t respect it—then what the hell is the use of setting the boundary?

In that case, you have to end the relationship, because you can’t afford to have that kind of toxicity affecting your life.

Everybody can have a bad moment, and you can agree on what needs to happen to change that or to have a healthy relationship. But when somebody isn’t willing to participate in that growth, then you have to take control. You have to say, “I can't have this in my life. I won’t do it.”

Unless it’s a child, the idea is that if it doesn’t change, you’ve got to leave or have that person leave.

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

• Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships.
• Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice, and meet others who value truth and growth!
• Join me at The Art of Success Virtual Summit! In April 2022, I'm getting a group of amazing business owners together for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

Save

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous. 

Hi David,

I jumped out of a relationship last year, so my ex and I have been living apart for a year now. But sometimes, I still think about whether I should go back.

Should I completely stop myself from moving forward with my own life? Should I be with her and my child again? Because I still miss them…

I’m looking for a way to break free, but I’m afraid to make the same decision and another mistake.

Thanks for the great question!

Quite simply… here is the root cause of your problem:

You haven’t made a decision.

You’re essentially trying to live in two worlds at the same time. And the only thing that this does is that it adds even more confusion to your life.

What I’d suggest is to get crystal-clear on the vision of what you want for your life. This is a vision in which you won’t have to change anyone.

Remember:

Whenever doubt comes in our mind, it destabilizes the thought process.

Confusion does nothing, aside from opening doors to even more doubt in your life. 

This is because you’re considering a part of what you don’t want. Our mind then tries to rationalize this, and it does so based on pain – the very same thing you made a decision not to be a part of. And at this point, you start considering things that don’t serve you in any way.

Unless something’s changed so significantly that it now checks all the “yes” boxes in your mind, there’s no reason to reconsider the relationship.

All of this confusion can go away once you’ve clarified your vision. And the moment this happens, there will be no more of these hypotheticals. You won’t have to wonder what would happen if something or someone changes. 

Besides, it’s not your job to change anyone.

Rather, your job is to clearly define your vision and its parameters. By doing so, you’ll make every decision relatively easy. 

Either someone fits the vision of your life or they don’t. 

Then, it’s only a matter of making that final decision and moving forward.

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

• Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation and relationships.
• Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation 2020 Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice and meet others who value truth and growth!
• Join me at The Art of Success Virtual Summit! In April I'm getting a group of amazing business owners for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

Save

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from Corrine. 

Hi David,

What’s the best way to push through and overcome childhood money trauma related to abuse?

Thanks for this question.

Well, I think that the problem that you're facing is that you've attached money as the cause of the abuse you've experienced and it's not the cause of what you experienced.

It's the disorder of whoever it was that was abusive in your life.

I'm sure money played a role, but it's not the cause.

You need to start to disassociate from the idea that money is a cause of anything, because it really is not.

The money doesn’t cause anyone to be violent or abusive.

Abuse is a legacy. The people that were abusive to you or around you were abused in their childhood. Abuse never starts first generation, and money has nothing to do with it. You need to remove that from your mind.

Very often children that are in abusive households will attach blame to something that's safe for them… meaning that money would probably be something they could attach blame to because it wasn’t safe to blame the abuser.

So the first step in solving your problem is to see the truth in your situation and know that money was NOT responsible.

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

• Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation and relationships.
• Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation 2020 Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice and meet others who value truth and growth!
• Join me at The Art of Success Virtual Summit! In April I'm getting a group of amazing business owners for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

Save

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous. 

I have a family member who is lashing out and telling me all kinds of crazy, wild things. It’s exhausting to deal with. I have that person in my life on a limited basis. I’ve set boundaries. I’ve made peace with the situation. I’ve tried to forgive and have acceptance.

But still…they keep creating chaos in my life. Every time something happens, it takes energy to work through it, because it’s triggering.

Can I keep them in my life and become “immune” to their toxicity? Or do I need to remove them from my life?

If you’ve restricted your exposure to that person, drawn very clear boundaries, and they still continue to break them — the only choice you have left is to remove that person from your life.

Every time they break your boundary, they re-traumatize you.

You’ve got to get that person out of your life.

Even if it’s a family member. Even if it’s your mom.

We have the ability to choose. We get to create our life however we want it.

Sometimes those choices are difficult when it’s people we love. But when they become toxic, and they won’t change — you have to choose what’s best for you, your spouse, and your kids.

If you think you can build up your “mental fortitude” to a place where you’re unaffected by their toxic behavior…it won’t happen. That’s magical thinking.

You could do that with a random person walking down the street. But with people you love, you have to be vulnerable with them, so that you can love them. You cannot allow yourself to be vulnerable AND have a shield up at the same time. That’s what keeps the toxicity going.

Note: there’s a huge difference between toxic and dysfunctional.

Dysfunctional is when maybe the person is argumentative, or not polite. Or they don’t respect mild boundaries, like time.

Toxic is abusive — they’re affecting you psychologically, emotionally, or physically.

Toxic is when they don’t honor and respect your point of view, or your decisions in life. Or they’re telling you that you need to change, so they can feel better.

It’s completely exhausting to be around someone like that. Sometimes the effects are so bad, it harms your health.

When we’re in a relationship with anyone, and their behavior has become toxic, and they’re not willing to change it — the only choice we have is to leave.

The healing of a relationship like that requires BOTH parties to accept responsibility for their contribution to the problem.

Your family member isn’t doing that.

Don’t be in denial about what they’re doing.

Your responsibility is to you, your spouse, and your kids. Not to any of those other people.

First and foremost, you have a responsibility to make sure you’re healthy, and that your environment is healthy. That is self-love.

You have a responsibility to keep toxic people away from your children.

When your kids see you letting a toxic person remain in your life — you’re teaching them it’s OK to tolerate toxic people in their lives.

You’re not doing something TO a toxic person by removing them from your life. You’re doing something FOR you, and the quality of your life. That’s how you make peace with it.

PS: If you enjoy reading my weekly Neagle Code, you'll LOVE my podcast, The Successful Mind. You can expect cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships, all based in Universal Law and my own experience creating a multi-million dollar business.

Will you do me a favor? Subscribe, listen and leave me a review! I'd love to know what you think!

Thanks in advance…click on the graphic below to listen in:

iTunes | Android
Save
Save

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

David,

I have a high school friend (someone who is more a sister to me and an aunt to my kids). At first I didn’t notice her “toxic side”, but now as I’m growing, I’m seeing it as clear as day. I know it’s impacting me, and yet, I don’t want to walk away from this person I love.

Isn’t there something I can do to keep her in my life and still protect myself from the toxicity?

Hi, and thanks for the question.

Let me ask you something important…

How much toxicity would you allow in your home?

Would you allow just a little bit of lead paint?

Just a little bit of arsenic?

I think not.

So why would you allow it in to your personal relationships?

The answer:

YOU
ARE
ATTACHED.

Ask yourself: What are you getting from the relationship?

And then see what’s actually going on here.

My advice would be to set her free.

Otherwise you’ll find yourself either trying to change her (which is not your right or responsibility), or you’ll continue to take on her toxic energy and/or beliefs.

It’s possible that this relationship was meant to be for a season rather than a lifetime.

A great resource for you, and I suggest you read it immediately, is a book titled, Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. I think it will shed a lot of light on what you’re experiencing and how it may be showing up in your other relationships as well.

PS: If you enjoy reading my weekly Neagle Code, you'll LOVE my podcast, The Successful Mind. You can expect cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships, all based in Universal Law and my own experience creating a multi-million dollar business.

Will you do me a favor? Subscribe, listen and leave me a review! I'd love to know what you think!

Thanks in advance…click on the graphic below to listen in:

iTunes | Android
Save
Save

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

David,

I am a business owner and have a small 5-person team. My issue is that my office manager has been with me for YEARS…but I’m noticing recently that I always feel like I’m walking on eggshells around her and I avoid having conversations with her about her performance…in fact, I even feel guilty about asking her to change or do things differently. My gut is telling me this is not a good situation, but my heart is telling me that I need her on my team.

What is going on?

To be honest, the answer to this question is that you’re allowing a toxic relationship to develop within your business.

The feeling that you’re walking on eggshells is a key indicator that you’ve got an unhealthy work relationship in the works. And here’s the thing… if you don’t face this issue head on it will become a cancer within your business and affect you, your team and your profits.

One of the many ways that toxic people manipulate is by doing things for you and then making you feel obligated to them.

And if you’re like most people, you make it easy for them to do this in two main ways:

1. You are practically primed to feel guilty.

Because guilt is a value that so many people are raised with and know very well, it’s not difficult for a toxic person to inflict it upon you, and use it as a tool to control you and get you to do what they want.

2. You don’t set consistent and clear boundaries — or any boundaries at all.

Boundaries are imaginary lines between you and others that divide up what’s yours and what’s theirs.

This applies not only to your body, your money and your belongings, but also to your feelings, thoughts and needs.

One word of caution here.

Toxic people don’t like it when
you start setting boundaries.

That’s because you’re breaking the subconscious agreement between you, which is: “I’m going to abuse you” or “I’m going to be toxic in your life.”

Also, setting boundaries will likely trigger them, — which can actually intensify their manipulation as they try to beat you back down into the submissive place where they once had you.

That’s why it’s really important to get education and support in dealing with, and safely disengaging from, the toxic people in your life.

And then finally, you can begin to create the healthy, supportive team that you desire.

Join me Tuesday, Aug 6th and Thursday Aug 8th for a FREE 2-Part training I’m hosting that will help you see if toxic relationships are sabotaging your business. And as an added bonus I’m going to teach you the EXACT words you need to say to set a boundary with anyone in any scenario. CLICK HERE for all the details!

PS: If you enjoy reading my weekly Neagle Code, you'll LOVE my podcast, The Successful Mind. You can expect cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships, all based in Universal Law and my own experience creating a multi-million dollar business.

Will you do me a favor? Subscribe, listen and leave me a review! I'd love to know what you think!

Thanks in advance…click on the graphic below to listen in:

iTunes | Android
Save
Save

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Hi David,

I have a 27 year-old daughter who is ruining her life. She doesn’t take responsibility for any of her actions, and she seems dedicated to distracting me from growing my business. I’ve heard you teach about unhealthy attachments, but she’s my daughter…

Any suggestions?

This is one of those questions for which there is no magic fix.

There are a few things here that you need to really think about.

1. You are 100% responsible for everything in your own life.

2. Your daughter is an adult so you are no longer responsible FOR her.

3. It is not your job to fix her. She is the only one who can change herself, and that’s only if she wishes to change.

The only way she can distract you from your business is if you let her.

This means that you have to decide whether or not you are going to tolerate toxic relationships in your life.

It doesn’t mean that
you no longer love her.

In fact, the solution to your problem is to love her for who she is without judgment, and limit the time you spend with her by setting boundaries around what is acceptable in your life and what is not.

We all need to learn about cause and effect, and we are all responsible for our own choices and lives.

One of the best gifts we can give our children is to allow them to have their own experiences and carve their own way, even if we may not agree with them.

PS: If you enjoy reading my weekly Neagle Code, you'll LOVE my podcast, The Successful Mind. You can expect cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships, all based in Universal Law and my own experience creating a multi-million dollar business.

Will you do me a favor? Subscribe, listen and leave me a review! I'd love to know what you think!

Thanks in advance…click on the graphic below to listen in:

iTunes | Android
Save
Save

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

How can I better recognize toxic people, so I can keep those types of people out of my life?

Hi and thanks for this very interesting question.

The truth is that we attract to us who we are being.

Start with yourself. If you love yourself, you will attract others who love themselves or who are in the process of learning to love themselves.

You see you are the center of your Universe. You attract people to you who will be a mirror for you.

Let me explain.

If you find that you’ve attracted a person into your life that has low self-esteem and it triggers you, it means that you have low self-esteem as well. That person is in your life so you can become aware of your next area of growth.

Remember, anything that upsets you about someone else in your life is about you and not them.

If you start with learning to love yourself, you will accept people for who they are without needing anything from them, or you’ll easily be able to let relationships go that no longer serve you.

I think Don Miguel Ruiz sums it up pretty well in his book, The Four Agreements, when he says that what people think of you has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.

The reverse must then also be true.

What you think of other people has nothing to do with them and everything to do with you.

If you want to attract people into your life that love themselves, you must love yourself first.

Are you in a toxic relationship or looking to attract a healthy relationship? CLICK HERE and join me and 21 other experts this month to learn strategies and tips on Healthy Love.

PS: If you enjoy reading my weekly Neagle Code, you'll LOVE my podcast, The Successful Mind. You can expect cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships, all based in Universal Law and my own experience creating a multi-million dollar business.

Will you do me a favor? Subscribe, listen and leave me a review! I'd love to know what you think!

Thanks in advance…click on the graphic below to listen in:

iTunes | Android
Save
Save

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Hi David,

There is a person in my life who sees the negative in every situation. If he does say something good or nice about something, he ends it with a negative.

How do you handle a situation like this? Oh…I should probably mention the person I’m referring to is my partner.

Hi!

I think it’s important to understand that you don’t have to “handle” the situation.

I think a better question to ask yourself is, “Why am I choosing to have this negative person in my life?”

There are two things we need to understand:

1)    This person has every right to be negative and judgmental, and it’s not anyone else’s responsibility or right to change him/her.

2)    When you are around someone who is negative, it is very hard for you to consciously reject their thoughts and feelings; and pretty soon you may find yourself uttering those same negative words. You are influenced by the people around you whether you want to admit it or not.

My mentor, Bob Proctor, refused to spend time with people who were negative and lack-minded, because he knew they had the ability to change his thinking without him even realizing it, and I feel the same way.

So are you choosing to spend time with this person in hopes of changing them?

Or

Are you afraid to remove yourself from this negative person’s life?

Get very honest
with yourself…

It all boils down to making a decision based upon what’s in your best interest, understanding that everyone else has the right to think, live and believe whatever they choose.

PS: If you enjoy reading my weekly Neagle Code, you'll LOVE my podcast, The Successful Mind. You can expect cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships, all based in Universal Law and my own experience creating a multi-million dollar business.

Will you do me a favor? Subscribe, listen and leave me a review! I'd love to know what you think!

Thanks in advance…click on the graphic below to listen in:

iTunes | Android
Save
Save

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Hi David,

How do I know if my personal life may be affecting my success? I'm in a strained relationship currently and I'm experiencing chaos in my business as well which is resulting in a month-by-month financial loss. Is this related or two totally separate issues I need to look at?

Thanks so much for your question!

How you do anything is how you do everything, but there are some questions you can ask yourself to determine if your personal relationships could be affecting your success.

As Vernon Howard so eloquently states, “Behave the way you really are, even if it ends a relationship. Never suppress yourself in an effort to influence, hold, or win someone. When we are unreal, so are our rewards. To say this in another way, never behave the way you think the other person wants you to behave, but in the manner you must. Nothing you really need to do or have ever requires a yielding to a person or custom.”

If you find yourself making decisions or stopping yourself for fear of what someone else will think, say or react, then you really need to take a close look at that relationship.

Is that you?

Are you true to yourself, or do you make decisions based on what you believe your partner may feel, think or say?

Be honest with yourself.

In a healthy relationship, both people should have the room and freedom that they need to foster their own growth. You have a responsibility to yourself to pursue your dreams, and if they don't agree; they have the option to accept your desires or leave the relationship.

PS: The Neagle Code: Directions for Life is a weekly no-cost program that is open to everyone! Each week, I'll select and personally respond to one question that I feel in my heart will help the most people. (You may choose to remain anonymous if you wish, with our full support.) It is my deep, heartfelt intention that ~ in answering your questions ~ I may provide you with the Universal Truths that in committed application, will set you free. See the sidebar to ask your question today!

Save