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Why “How?” is the Wrong Question to Ask

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

When you talk about “turning your yearly income into a monthly income,” my mind automatically wants to say, “Yeah right. How? Show me the way. Tell me exactly what you did and I’ll repeat the steps.” I’ve heard you say that asking “How?” is automatically asking the wrong question—and that we should be thinking in a different direction. Do I need to look at this from another angle instead of asking “How”?

Neagle Code Answer

It’s a decision. That’s all it is—a decision that you will.

Asking “how” before you’ve made the decision is a way to control. If you set a goal, or you hear me inspire you to do something really cool, and you go, “Yeah, sure, show me how”—that’s a way to control.

That question is coming from a place of not believing it’s possible to begin with. So you won’t do what you actually have to do to hit the goal.

The idea is, if you’re inspired to do something, you would say:

“I’m going to do it. I’m making a decision to do it. I don’t need to know how—I just need to make the decision that I’m going to do it.” Then set a date by which you’ll complete that thing.

In that moment, everything you need to do begins to show up, because you’ve done something that is your greatest power—making a decision. That gets you in line with the universe, and looking for the things you need to do next to hit the goal.

Many people will make the decision, but then go backwards and “un-decide”… because something shows up that makes them waiver. That’s why they go back and forth. They haven’t really made the decision.

You can’t un-decide.

It all goes back to the question, “Are you willing?” It’s a huge question, because you don’t know what you’re saying yes to. You might have to do things you’re uncomfortable with. Until you make the decision, you don’t know what’s blocking you from your success.

It becomes apparent as you start to go down that journey. Then it becomes a question of, “Am I willing to sacrifice something of a lower nature to gain something of a higher nature?”

You’ll hit a point where the biggest thing you’re attached to shows up. It’s usually the thing that makes or breaks people. They’re either willing to let go of the thing they’re attached to the most that’s keeping them stuck—or they’re NOT willing to.

This is where you’ll see a person instantly turn into a victim or start blaming.

Whatever shows up for them really is the crux of what they’re going to have to accept in order to step into their greatness.

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

  • Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships.
  • Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice, and meet others who value truth and growth!
  • Join me at The Art of Success Virtual Summit! In April 2022, I'm getting a group of amazing business owners together for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

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Can I Rewrite My Childhood Story?

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

For the past couple days, I’ve been pretending that I had a Cosby life (like in the good days of the Cosby Show). I was pretending my parents were educated professionals who were encouraging, loving, and supportive. I noticed that while I was pretending this was my backstory, I felt more confident. Is changing your belief about yourself really that simple?

Neagle Code Answer

Yes, it’s that simple.

The reason you feel more confident is because your subconscious mind can’t tell the difference between what’s real and what’s imagined. The subconscious is the emotional mind. It can’t determine whether the image you’re giving to it is real or pretend.

When you build an image in your mind, and you’re emotionally attaching to it in that moment, you start manifesting that image in the form of the emotional healing you’d experience if you actually did it.

Whether it’s real or something you’re making up—your subconscious mind can’t tell the difference.

It operates as if it was real.

When you’re doing this, you’re creating parallel emotions, as if it was real and as if you’re experiencing it in your body.

If you keep doing this through constant space repetition, you’ll transform everything in your life, so that it matches that belief system.

It doesn’t matter what you’re doing this with—the hardest part is being consistent. Conceptually, it’s easy to understand. You could explain this to a sixth grader and they’d get it.

Breaking the old patterns consistently is the hard part.

In the Bible, Christ talks about being like a child, because a child doesn’t doubt anything. Whatever you tell them, they automatically believe it. They’ll go into character around that belief. He says the kingdom of heaven belongs to the children.

He was basically saying it’s as easy as being like a child. Just use your imagination to build a new image.

All the other crap people told you that you’re operating with is what makes it difficult.

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

  • Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships.
  • Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice, and meet others who value truth and growth!
  • Join me at The Art of Success Virtual Summit! In April 2022, I'm getting a group of amazing business owners together for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

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Triggered by a Conversation with My Mom

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

I recently got divorced, and I feel like my mom is rejecting me by not telling her family about it. I confronted her about this and got triggered, because she said if I ever meet someone, I never have to tell anybody I’m divorced.

I feel like she’s denying my divorce, and therefore, she’s rejecting me and my decision too. I don’t want her to keep running away from it— I want her to accept that what’s happened in my life is real.

How can I let go of this heaviness in my chest when I have a conflict with someone? How can I grow from this?

Neagle Code Answer

I think you need to ask yourself a couple questions that will allow you to grow from this:

What are you really trying to get from your mother?

You say you want her to accept what has happened in your life. Ask yourself why? Why do you want her to accept it?

Here’s the problem…

There’s nothing you can do to make someone accept you or reject you. And it’s not your responsibility as to whether they accept you or reject you.

The key here is that she needs to play the role she’s playing in order for YOU to grow in the area that you need to grow in. If you need to grow into self-acceptance and your mother changes overnight, then you don’t need to do that anymore, because you’re going to get your acceptance from her.

The universe is sending you a very beautiful gift disguised as your mom—and that is, to accept yourself. You’re a beautiful, wonderful, amazing person just the way you are.

Accept yourself.

One way you can do this is to sit down with a piece of paper and pen, and write down all the desires you have for yourself or for anything else you’re rejecting in your life.

You’ll know you’re rejecting it if you’re not doing it. If you’re not doing anything to bring each of your desires into your life, then you’re rejecting them.

You can also ask yourself: What am I tolerating in my life right now that’s a demonstration of self-abuse? In other words, what are you allowing into your life that’s a form of not loving yourself or being toxic with yourself?

Once you have that list, go down each item and work on it…and keep working on them.

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

  • Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships.
  • Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice, and meet others who value truth and growth!
  • Join me at The Art of Success Virtual Summit! In April 2022, I'm getting a group of amazing business owners together for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

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What Happens After We Die?

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

I’ve always wanted spirituality in my life. I’ve had exposure to some spiritual ideas, but I don’t fully understand it. In all of your studies, have you formed an opinion about what happens when we die? Have you read any books that “clicked” around this idea for you?

Neagle Code Answer

Yes, I have an opinion. First, let me ask: why are you asking this question? Understanding why you’re asking will determine what answers you’re looking for.

Do you want the truth? Or do you want a “feel-good” story? If you want to know the truth, you’ll find it. If you want something else—a resurrection story, a Santa Claus story, a bunny story—you’ll find those, because they’re all there.

What’s interesting is that we have the ability to ask this question. If we can ask, then we can also find the answer.

I believe that before we were born, our energy was already here. It was present, and we had a purpose before we came into this body. (What we were doing, or in what form that energy was in—I don’t know.)

When we’re born, we come into this body as a form of energy. When we die, we move out of this body, but the energy never goes away. Energy is neither created or destroyed; it just is.

It transforms from one thing to another.

My opinion is that when you die, you transform to the next stage of your growth in your journey of being energy and a soul. What that looks like, I can’t tell you.

I work with some very credible people who’d say, “What you do and what you accumulate doesn’t matter. What you learn, who you become, and the awareness you gain in this lifetime is what matters—all of that goes with you forever onto your next journey. Based on everything we currently know, I believe that’s 100% true.

What helped me form this opinion was asking, “What’s the starting point for a human being?” For most people, the starting point is that they’re a victim. Almost everyone is given a victim story from the moment they’re born. If that’s true…then what? Where do you go from there?

If I come into life believing I’m a victim, that hurts everyone around me, because I’ll spread my victim belief to everyone else. The shadow side of being a victim is being a perpetrator. So I keep that cycle going. That cycle does not fit God’s modus operandi—which is “more life.”

Coming into life as a victim does not fit the universal laws.

It became apparent to me that before we came into this body, we must have chosen to do so. Believing we chose to come here—and that we’re responsible for our life—sets everyone free. It fits the universal laws.

I’d recommend reading the Conversations With God trilogy. Try to be completely open to it as you read it. If you don’t want to know the truth, you’ll be shut off to anything that comes in. It will become the perfect reason NOT to find the truth.

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

  • Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships.
  • Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice, and meet others who value truth and growth!
  • Join me at The Art of Success Virtual Summit! In April 2022, I'm getting a group of amazing business owners together for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

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When you put everyone else ahead of your needs…

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

I notice I’ve been taking on responsibility for other people’s issues. I have a friend who’s in a health crisis. For the last nine months, I’ve been calling him every evening, just to have someone to chat with. It’s been very light. But recently, his story has gotten heavier. He lives alone and had to go to the ER. He reached out to me, because I’ve been communicating with him the most. (Nobody else could do it. I said yes.)

It wore me down. It feels like I’m carrying his responsibility myself. What’s the best way to handle this? Just do it, then recuperate? How do I ensure his heavy situation isn’t burdening me so much?

Neagle Code Answer

Whenever someone asks you for help (or even asks you a question) for any situation, you have to come from your #1 priority—“What is my outcome?”

When something outside of your scheduled days shows up, ask:

  • What’s actually happening here?
  • What’s the truth about this?
  • What is my outcome?
  • What is the clarity of my outcome?

You must be very clear in your conscious process that you won’t be subservient to another person’s story. Their story—and how they’re showing up—will have to be obedient to your clarity.

You’re responsible TO people, not FOR them.

You might determine that, “I need to get rest tonight, because I have a long day tomorrow, and I need to be focused. No, I won’t cut into my rest time to go save somebody else. Whatever they need is not my responsibility, and it doesn’t work for me at this moment.”

If you break that rule with yourself, you’re doing it because you’re getting into their story. Now their story becomes the thing you’re being “obedient” to.

You need clarity about everything you’re doing throughout your days—so that when something else shows up, you instantly know whether it’s a “yes” or “no.”

Even if you can help someone, that doesn’t necessarily mean you should. Always ask yourself: “How am I structuring my days so that I’m successful?

“Is this something I should be doing?”

You schedule your day based on what you need to do every day to win. Then you become obedient to that schedule.

The way I run my days, if something shows up that’s not an emergency and I’ve already planned out very specific things that need to be done (including my rest), then it’s automatically a no. Or I find somebody else to do it. Or I make a suggestion on how the person can get it done without me.

If you know your priorities, and you need rest more than you need to help someone else—then you can be fully in your power to say “no” to whatever just showed up in your life.

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

  • Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships.
  • Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice, and meet others who value truth and growth!
  • Join me at The Art of Success Virtual Summit! In April 2022, I'm getting a group of amazing business owners together for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

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Why Do I Hesitate When Talking About Money?

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

I’ve noticed when I’m having sales conversations—when I get to the part where we talk about money—I hesitate. This happens if I perceive that the other person has limitation of what they think they can pay. That’s where I personally have struggled (around money).

When we get to that part of the conversation, I feel a strong urge to offer them less, charge less, or work with them anyway. My unease seems to have two parts—one part is them (and the story they’re telling me). The other part is me (and me buying into their story and believing it). This also happens when I’m working with a client, and midway through, they tell me they can’t afford to continue. How can I work through this piece within myself?

Neagle Code Answer

When you’re interacting with someone on a sales call or even during a coaching call, you have to completely stay out of their story, even if it’s very similar to yours.

You can’t go in their story at all.

You have to refuse to do so.

You need to stay out of it, even if the money issue isn’t a hundred percent cleared up in your own life.

The way you do this is through the idea of obedience. Whatever you’re being “obedient” to becomes the truth in that moment.

Are you being obedient to their story?

Are you being obedient to the truth of abundance?—and that everyone on the planet has the same amount of money, even if they’re not aware of it?

If the person is saying, “I can’t afford this; I don’t have the money,” that’s a secondary issue. It’s not the real problem. The problem is they’re not acknowledging their desire and their deserve-ability so that they have the urgency to actually do it.

Money just becomes the excuse.

If we focus on the excuse, we don’t solve the problem.

What that conveniently does is—it walks both of you into that story and neither one of you makes any progress.

If the client has a desire and urgency to work with you—but not the money—you can work with them on coming up with the payment.

We have people who come to us with the idea of non-payment frequently and Steph or Sarah will work with that individual on, “Okay, so what will you commit to do? How can you bring this money in? What’s going on? What’s causing you to not be able to make the payment?” We’ll try to coach them through whatever problem they’re having, so they can pay it.

If they actually do that work, we’ll continue to work with them.

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

  • Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships.
  • Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice, and meet others who value truth and growth!
  • Join me at The Art of Success Virtual Summit! In April 2022, I'm getting a group of amazing business owners together for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

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What Am I Responsible For?

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

I’ve heard you say we’re responsible for controlling our thoughts, what we say, and what we put out there to market our business. But we’re not responsible for how another person interprets what we say. “I’m not responsible for what someone understands.” Does that mean I’m not supposed to care about how they respond? Should I try to help them even if they don’t get it?

Neagle Code Answer

There’s a difference between not being responsible for how they interpret it and trying to help them see it in a more productive light.

If someone is working with me, I’ll always go to the 9th or 10th degree to help them see things in a more productive light—because I know they’re stuck. I know they’re coming from the reality of their current experience, or from a past story, or maybe even trauma in their life. And I know how difficult it is to break through that.

When a person completely rejects what you’re saying or trying to do, there’s nothing you can do about that.

Just understand that they’re responsible for how they interpret it and for what they decide to do with that information.

It’s totally okay to try to help a person understand something. But look at the context. Why are you having a conversation with this person to begin with?

Did they ask for help?

If they didn’t ask for help, in my opinion, it’s not our right to run in and save people.

My mentor Bob Proctor told me, “Everybody has a right to be as miserable as they want to be.”

We make ourselves miserable when we start going out there and trying to correct everybody else.

We have enough work to do on our own plate.

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

  • Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships.
  • Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice, and meet others who value truth and growth!
  • Join me at The Art of Success Virtual Summit! In April 2022, I'm getting a group of amazing business owners together for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

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I Feel Guilty for Buying Anything

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

Lately, I’ve been struggling with buyer’s remorse on 98% of things I buy.

When COVID hit, I still wasn’t earning anything from my business. My husband and I don’t have problems with money. But for the first time, he was worried about money. I got pregnant, and we considered pulling our daughter from daycare to cut expenses. I became an “extreme coupon” person, and now I have remorse for everything I buy. Even with groceries, I’m like, “Do I really need that?” How can I drop this habit?

Neagle Code Answer

Part of it is, it’s a way for you not to feel guilty about starting a business. You have to look at what your husband’s experience was—and your reaction to his experience in that moment. You created a new habit of asking, “Should I not buy this? Should I not do this?”

It’s kind of like, “Well, I’m going to do it anyway.” It’s a way for you to re-project your guilt in a different direction.

Here’s how you change this.

You change it by raising your standard of how you want to live your life. You never cut things to go down to where your income is. You raise your income to what your standard is, so cutting is no longer an option.

Once you become aware that you can manifest whatever you want, you never cut anything to go lower unless you actually want to go lower.

Let’s say a family wants to downsize. There’s no problem with that. But if you’re doing it because you think you have no control over your income, that’s a problem. You start to go unconscious again. Then you start coming up with alternate behaviors (like extreme coupon cutting).

You need to create a vision and a standard for your marriage, your life, and your finances—and then raise everything up to meet that standard.

That’s where you put your energy. You raise it up.

It’s no longer about questioning whether you need something or not. It’s about saying, “This is the standard I’m living at, and I completely accept that in my life.” Then you don’t have a conflict of interest or a value conflict going on subconsciously.

Once you’ve raised your standard, that’s it. Now your standard has to be higher.

There should be no going back.

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

  • Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships.
  • Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice, and meet others who value truth and growth!
  • Join me at The Art of Success Virtual Summit! In April 2022, I'm getting a group of amazing business owners together for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

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When You Doubt Your Own Ability…

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

My question is around setting goals. I have two different businesses, and I tend to dance back and forth between the two—not really moving forward to the degree I’d like with either of them. I keep thinking to myself, “I’m not taking the action. Why am I not taking the action?”

Is it because I’m struggling with keeping my word and meeting the goals I set for myself? Or am I just not fully committing? Part of it is, I think I’m avoiding what I imagine will be uncomfortable conversations with potential clients—the people I could (or should) be calling.

Any insight you can provide is so appreciated!

Neagle Code Answer

This is happening because you don’t believe you can accomplish the goal. You don’t think it’s really going to happen.

If you believed it, you’d be ready all the time.

It’s not really about a “lack of commitment.”

It’s all about the belief.

Think about this. Ask yourself, “What’s the truth about this?” The fact that you’re not taking action is a secondary cause (i.e., an effect).

What’s the truth about that? Why are you not taking the action? Because you either don’t want it, or you don’t believe it’s really possible.

When it comes to having “uncomfortable conversations” with potential clients, you have to first look at the conversation you’re having with yourself.

  • Are you telling yourself you’re not enough?
  • Are you telling yourself you can’t provide the result they want?
  • Are you telling yourself they won’t want what you’re selling?

What’s the conversation you’re having with yourself? If you’re telling yourself you’re not good enough—it’s because you don’t believe you can do it.

This is a problem of belief, not commitment.

You’re creating a story to validate the belief that you can’t do this.

Here’s a simple 2-part exercise to overcome this. First, spend an hour coming up with every reason in your mind why this won’t work—or why it can’t work. Write it all down on a piece of paper. Then give yourself a break.

Come back to it again the next day. Then write down every reason why it CAN work.

Don’t judge your answers. Don’t change anything. Don’t say, “I know that’s not true.” Just do the exercise. It’s extremely simple.

Write down every reason why it can’t (or won’t) work, then take a long break. Come back and write down every reason why it CAN work.

Then email both of those things to me, and I’ll get back to you after I see it.

(Want personalized support with this exercise? Reach out to my team by emailing support@davidneagle.com and we’d be happy to help!)

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

  • Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships.
  • Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice, and meet others who value truth and growth!
  • Join me at The Art of Success Virtual Summit! Next week, October 13-15th, I'm getting a group of amazing business owners together for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

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How Do I Stop Blocking the Sale?

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

During my sales calls, I’ve noticed that if I don’t expect anything from the prospect—if I show up relaxed, with no agenda—the customer often says, “Yes,” and I make the sale. If I’m not attached to any specific outcome, the conversation flows much easier.

However, if I expect the sale to happen, there’s usually no sale. Then I start to feel anxious about that. This has been happening a lot recently. What can I do to stop blocking the sale? How do I stay unattached to the outcome?

Neagle Code Answer

I would just focus on how you can help the other person.

When you’re blocking the sale, you’re thinking about you. You’re thinking about whether or not you’re doing it right, and whether or not you’re going to make the sale. You’re being self-conscious, or self-focused—which means you’re not present and not fully listening to the other person.

When I get on the phone with someone, I’m not thinking about me making the sale. My only concern is whether or not I can help this person. If I can help them, there’s going to be a sale.

The purpose of a sales conversation is to
figure out whether you can help someone.

That’s it.

It's not to push anything onto the other person.

You’re asking them questions about their situation, you’re listening, and you’re helping them connect the dots as to how your offering can help them (if it truly can).

Either you can help the person, or you can’t. If you can’t, you can simply say, “I don’t think it’s a right fit”—or refer them to someone who might be a better fit. No big deal.

If you come from a place of honestly trying to help someone, sales calls are not difficult at all. But you have to stop focusing on yourself and put the focus entirely on helping the other person.

I have a GREAT free blueprint on the exact questions you need to ask in any sales conversation. If you’d like a copy, find me on Instagram (@david_p_neagle) and simply DM me “BLUEPRINT”. I’ll pop it right over to you!

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

  • Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships.
  • Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice, and meet others who value truth and growth!
  • Join me at The Art of Success Virtual Summit! This October 2021, I'm getting a group of amazing business owners together for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

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