Gone way overboard because…
This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions
for Life” comes from Rebecca.
Through my work I am always looking for validation from others to make me feel like I'm doing a good job. It matters so much that I go overboard with giving to be liked. Being so nice doesn't seem to get me ahead at all.
Thank you David if you choose this question I will act upon your advice immediately.
Great question.
The need for validation from other people is an issue that comes from low self-esteem. This need comes from the perception that you aren't worthy of appreciation and it actually started prior to age 7 or 8.
Congratulations on taking the first step to overcoming the need for validation by recognizing that you have the problem. It can be very difficult to overcome unless you really want to overcome it.
If we don't truly believe that we are worthy of appreciation on the inside, we're always going to be seeking validation from others that we are okay.
The problem is that no matter how much others tell us that we did a good job, deep down we don't believe it.
So say you completed a project and someone tells you that you did a good job. It feels great but the feeling dissipates quickly. That's because a person who needs to be appreciated will always be on the lookout for when they are not being appreciated. They are always concerned about what others think about them.
When a person doesn't get the appreciation they are looking for it can be extremely painful or even devastating. This causes them to feel resentful and that leads to anger.
A person who is really trying to overcome this in their life has to be aware of the cycle and all the places in their life where this shows up. They have to know how the cycle works.
It always leads to self-sabotage. People with the need to be appreciated will start sabotaging different areas of their life because they don't feel appreciated.
I'm going to share an integration exercise with you that will help you overcome the need for appreciation if you really want to overcome it.
A) For every person who comes into your life, find one thing you can honestly appreciate about them in that moment.
B) Start journaling what you're finding to appreciate in other people, and begin to see these qualities in yourself.
C) Start to take a look at how wonderful you really are as a human being and an individual.
Don't underestimate how much the need to be appreciated actually holds you back in your life.
I wish you all the best!
PS: The Neagle Code: Directions for Life is a weekly no-cost
program that is open to everyone! Each week, I'll select and personally respond to one question received via the above “The Neagle Code” page that I feel in my heart will help the most people. (You may choose to remain anonymous if you wish, with our full support.) It is my deep, heartfelt intention that ~ in answering your questions ~ I may provide you with the Universal Truths that in committed application, will set you free. Simply submit YOUR burning question at: www.DavidNeagle.com/ask-david to participate.