Are you making excuses to play small?
This week’s question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life“ comes from an individual who wishes to remain anonymous.
I’m a mom, wife, sister, caregiver, chauffeur, self employed hypnotherapist, and do volunteer work. Not enough hours in a day to focus on my love – my business. Help!!
Let’s go back again to what we know as truth.
The truth says that we are responsible for EVERYTHING in our lives, both the good and the bad.
If that’s the truth, I have to ask you why YOU have put yourself in the situation of being the mom, wife, sister, caregiver, chauffeur, volunteer and hypnotherapist?
There are thousands of entrepreneurs who are moms, sisters, caregivers, and more, and still have the time and energy to focus on their business.
Why have YOU made it so difficult for YOURSELF?
You see, people do this to themselves all the time. They make everyone in their lives more of a priority than themselves. Most times it’s because it allows them to stay small, which keeps them feeling safe.
So, how is it serving you stay small?
Why are you using your sister, husband, and children as excuses not to succeed?
Do you only feel worthy when you are providing for others and sacrificing yourself?
Are you worried about what other people will think of you if you FINALLY make yourself a priority? Will they think you’re selfish?
Let me tell you something… most people have the definition of selfish all wrong.
The true definition of the word selfish is: expecting others to live the life that you want to live. Many people think that if they live the life that they want to live it’s selfish, and they are WRONG.
The truth is the truth. You can be all the things that you mentioned and still be a successful hypnotherapist. Many have done it before you. I, myself, built my business to seven figures, and I was still a husband, father, brother, chauffeur, fixer of all things broken, and coach to others.
The difference is that successful people don’t use the situations in their lives as excuses to play small.
P.S: The Neagle Code: DIRECTIONS for LIFE is a weekly no-cost program that is open to everyone! Each week, I’ll select and personally respond to one question received via the above “The Neagle Code” page that I feel in my heart will help the most people. (You may choose to remain anonymous if you wish, with our full support.) It is my deep, heartfelt intention that ~ in answering your questions ~ I may provide you with the Universal Truths that in committed application, will set you free. Simply submit YOUR burning question at: www.TheNeagleCode.com to participate.
P.P.S.: May I ask you to help me spread the word about this program? Is there someone you care for who is stuck, or struggling, or lost, or unhappy? Because if so, I would very much like to help. No matter their question, no matter their predicament, no matter if they've never heard of me before … if they would like to ask for help via www.TheNeagleCode.com, my Team and I will do our very best to provide that help.
The old adage, “A man may work from sun-to-sun, but woman’s work is never done,” is so true. No matter what we say about a progressive society, I see with myself and my friends that there is more of a burden on the woman to do whatever it takes to care for the kids and the home – and perhaps this is the way nature designed things.
I agree with David that this is not an excuse. As a mother of a two-year-old and a three-month-old, it would really depress me to think that I’d have to sublimate my true self to be a good mom. In fact, I believe the opposite is true. We have to model for our children what it is to be self actualized (or at least on the path).
From a practical standpoint, if a working mom of young kids is to accomplish anything besides child rearing and passively eeking out a living, the 80/20 rule MUST be applied. Figure out the most effective activities and stick to them. The time of a working mom is too precious to be wasted with clients who suck energy, on marketing that is not the most effective, randomly surfing the web, etc.
It helped me to log how I spent my time for a few weeks, identify activities to eliminate and those to focus on.
Also, combining activities where appropriate helps. I put my kids in the car to get them to sleep for their afternoon nap and return phone calls while I drive around.
Thank you for the post Kim! No sublimation necessary and I applaud you for standing in your power. The modeling you are doing for your children is fantastic and they will be better because of it.
I absolutely again agree with you since I also have been always a mother a sister a daughter a wife a teacher an entrepreneur and never (I realized now) one rol was an excuse for another activity.Many ask me how do I do all what I do. I always answer: “I do not see the obstacles since I do not think of them and always try to find solutions” even though sometimes it takes me more time. A lesson for my tribe as they say to me.
HAve a great weekend!
Esther Coronel de Iberkleid
Life Learning Experiences Coaching
Thank you for the post Esther! It is said that challenges can be stepping stones or stumbling blocks, it’s all about how we choose to perceive them. Being able to step outside of your thoughts in those times and see a situation for what it truly is brings you that much closer to complete awareness. Thanks for sharing!
I find that we all use excuses to hide behind our real fears.
Now using excuses is not a right or wrong thing we do. Sometimes we are not even aware that we are doing this.
I like David’s observations and questions because these questions give us an opportunity to face what we may be resisting.
What works for me is making myself aware of my thoughts, when ever I hear myself using similar comments. I then make a conscious decision to be grateful for choosing to be a mother, a sister, and self employed. Rather than looking at my excuses as what is stopping me, because of things I believe I have to do, I look that these things as what I want to do, and as I appreciate the gifts that come from these opportunities I also make the time to take care of me, and find the energy and the time to follow my passion.
Always with Love because what is to my highest good is to the highest good of everyone around me.
I used to believe I had to sacrifice myself in order to keep the peace. Now I see that being self fish is a matter of how we choose to see it. In fact it is the most self less thing I could ever do for myself and for my own family.
Thank you for the post Rita. Great awareness in realizing that you do not have to sacrifice anything in order to succeed, as well as drawing the line between what is selfish and what is selfless. I would love to hear how your progress continues to unfold in the future.
I had the opportunity to listen to your recording yesterday “The Blind Spot.”
Changing my own attitude is something I know I can always use to be reminded about, because how easily I forget when I am reacting from fear based perceptions and thoughts.
I loved your definition of money. Loving people and using money, is going to be one of my new change of attitudes for me. Looking back on my own experiences during the last last 6 months of my own life, changing my attitude no matter how small the step is what made it possible for me to purchase my own home once again for my daughters and I, to live in, when the banks, my credit rating, and my income alone would not have made this possible. What made it possible was reconnecting with faith trust, and love and remembering my purpose, and passion, and myself.
The blind spot reminded me to begin from where I am now, and to choose to take the next step.
That next step is the same step that has stopped me before and I am reminded that I don’t need the big picture just yet, I just have to choose to take the next step.
With love and appreciation
I’ve never had a problem not having “enough hours in the day” … not sure why that is? I read something recently about how we truly do make our own time – something to do with einstein i think? Can’t remember where i read it but it was fascinating. I know for me i’ve always “found” the time to do what i really wanted to do, what was important to me among being mom, wife, biz owner, etc. And I still take weekends off too. There is always enough time if we are willing to step into that (and possibly find/hire support as well – i could never do all that I do if my girls didn’t go to a dayhome Mon – Thu)
Thank you for the comment Tina! It is true that time fills whatever you choose to give it, meaning that work could fill all of our time if we allow it to. Stepping into that awareness and setting boundaries around how we choose to allocate our time causes a major shift. I appreciate you sharing your experiences with everyone here.