After an affair…how can I trust again?

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Dear David,

I recently found out that my husband of 16 years has been having an affair for quite some time. I’m having a hard time not feeling devastated. I understand that as you say, I am the center of my own universe, and I am the one that created that relationship, and I am happy to take responsibility. I am studying the laws and trying to pull my life together by working with the laws, but my question to you is – when I eventually meet another man, how will I know if I can him trust him? How can I use the laws to ensure that I don't waste any more of my life?

Neagle Code Answer

Hi, and thanks for your question.

The Law states that we attract what we are, not what we want.

So to use the Laws to ensure that you don’t waste any more of your life, you must get very clear with yourself as to why you would have attracted your husband and his subsequent actions.

If everyone in our life is a mirror for us, and no one is a victim, then we must take responsibility for everything in our lives and see the lessons as they are.

Cheaters cheat for only one reason.

They don’t have the courage to say what they want.

Is this also something you struggle with?

Do you have difficulty saying what you want, even if it means the loss of a relationship or judgment from those around you? Is there something you were lying to yourself about?

Once you have clarity around why you attracted the affair into your life, you must go to work on getting very clear about the person you’d like to meet.

You see, we are not taught how to attract a partner. Most relationships start with a physical attraction, and we fall in love, and most times, we fall in love with the wrong person.

To really make sure that you’re attracting an ideal relationship you must write out what qualities and values you’re looking for, and then you yourself must live those qualities and values.

Use that list as the authority in deciding if a relationship stays or goes, and it will help you find a relationship that will bring more life to you both.



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  1. “but my question to you is – when I eventually meet another man, how…”

    C’mon, are you kidding me? If you attract what you “are”, then I believe you are right David, she is just like him, if this is the QUESTION she chooses to ask you, above any other question she could have asked, to better her situation. She’s already thinking of meeting someone else??? And for how long????

    Good golly, miss molly!

    • Yes TC, you do attract who you are and who you are being. That said, I think you may have taken her question the wrong way. This particular question is guiding her thinking toward the future and not dwelling in the past. Is it wrong for her to want another relationship now that this one is fractured and the trust is lost? Accepting the responsibility that she created it, beginning with the lies and deceit, is a step in the right direction. And since none of us know the entire situation, who are we to judge this individual? Is she just like him? Did she cheat? Nothing in her question speaks to that so the assumption cannot be made. Sending out the intention that she is going to attract the right relationship into her life is exactly what needs to be done to move forward. Always forward, never backward. It’s not an easy thing when that much history is involved, but tolerating the cheating is only sending the message to the Universe that she is not worth any better.