This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.
My question is around self-judgment. I really resonate with the idea of accepting who you are and what you’ve done in the past.
However, this idea bothers me bit. There are certain standards I want to set for different things in my life. How do I maintain these certain standards if I’m not judging myself? When is self-judgment appropriate?
Self-judgment isn’t ever appropriate. It does nothing.
You can look at yourself critically and say, “Here are things about me that need to be fixed, that I need to work on, that I can get better at.”
But to feel guilt or shame—or to make yourself a bad person because of it—that’s self-abuse.
You want to judge the result or outcome, not you.
If I get a result that I don’t want, I say, “Okay, what’s the standard that I want to create for myself to get a different result?”
I don’t judge myself as “bad” because of it.
Here’s the truth. If you don’t get the result you want—it’s either due to ignorance, or it’s due to a program you picked up when you were a kid. That’s all it is.
You can get the correct information so that you’re no longer ignorant. AND you can change your internal program, so that you’re no longer held back by your old belief system. (With both of these, it helps to work with a coach who’s been where you want to be.)
There doesn’t have to be any self-judgment around it at all.
Nobody ever felt better by making themselves feel bad.
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