Kids at School Told Me I Wasn’t Smart

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

I always thought I was a confident person in terms of my abilities and my intelligence. After doing your exercise, it became clear that maybe on a subconscious level, I don’t think I’m important or intelligent—and I’m always seeking external validation from others. I get pissed off when someone doesn’t acknowledge my intelligence.

When I was younger, my family always told me I was bright and intelligent. But some kids at school told me I wasn’t smart.

How do I transform my thinking and self-belief so that I believe I am important?

Neagle Code Answer

Great question.

The first thing I’d ask is…whose voice is that in your head that tells you you’re not intelligent or important?

Because it’s not yours.

Where did you hear that as a child?

Usually the voice comes from a parent or someone who raised you. And it can cause us to form beliefs that doesn’t serve us later in life.

If, in fact, it was the other kids at school who insinuated that you’re not intelligent, then ask yourself this question….

“What did I want from them that I didn’t get, that caused this to be so painful for me?”

I don’t think it’s necessarily about the intelligence piece. It’s probably more like acceptance, love, or something. Maybe you wanted them to like you.

See if you can clearly identify what that is.

Once you’re aware of this, look at all the areas of your life where you’ve been trying to get this from other people.

How is it holding you back?

A need to be liked, loved, or accepted can hold you back from doing the things you need to do to reach your goals and move forward.

For example, if you’re in business and you have a need to be liked, admired, or respected by the “cool kids” (or whatever it is for you), you might not say the things you need to say during sales conversations in order to close the sale.

Whatever you’re trying to get from other people, flip it around—how can you give that to yourself, so that you don’t need it from others?

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