This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.
Fourteen years ago my husband died leaving me to raise our two small children. They have both recently left home to pursue their university studies. I had expected this to be a time of relative freedom for me. My 91-year-old mother lives on her own in a neighboring town and has started to demand much of my (extra) time. I have seven siblings but have been put in the default care position by virtue of geography. Mostly, my out of town siblings don't want to hear about the time and travel and endless phone calls I put in for our mother's emotional and physical care.
Statistics show that my Mom won't be around that much longer. Through all of this I have become extremely frustrated and have considered moving away to force my family to take some responsibility and allow me the freedom I expected. Having just come out of several challenging years as a Realtor, part of me would like to stay and reap the harvest of an improving market.
Stay and wait for the eventuality or move and grab my freedom?
In order for you to make a decision you need to first really “see” what's happening here.
First, if you didn't want to be your mother's caregiver, you wouldn't be. So you need to ask yourself how it's serving you to be the person assuming the majority of the care for your mom.
I'm suspecting that there is a fear within you of actually standing center with your siblings.
What would happen if you simply refused to shoulder the responsibility?
How would they react?
Would that be painful for you?
This is about you getting very clear about what you want for yourself.
If you want the freedom you speak of above, you would have a conversation with your family and work out a solution to this problem rather than running away from it.
If they refuse to help, a possible solution may even be to hire in-home care and split the costs between the siblings.
You shouldn't need to move to create an excuse for voicing what you think or feel. That's simply avoidance of the real issue, and nothing good can come from it.
Step into being empowered and everything will shift.
PS: The Neagle Code: DIRECTIONS for LIFE is a weekly no-cost program that is open to everyone! Each week, I'll select and personally respond to one question received via the above “The Neagle Code” page that I feel in my heart will help the most people. (You may choose to remain anonymous if you wish, with our full support.) It is my deep, heartfelt intention that ~ in answering your questions ~ I may provide you with the Universal Truths that in committed application, will set you free. Simply submit YOUR burning question at: www.TheNeagleCode.com to participate.
PPS: May I ask you to help me spread the word about this program? Is there someone you care for who is stuck, or struggling, or lost, or unhappy? Because if so, I would very much like to help. No matter their question, no matter their predicament, no matter if they've never heard of me before … if they would like to ask for help via www.TheNeagleCode.com, my Team and I will do our very best to provide that help.