My spouse doesn’t agree, what now?
This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from Sharon.
I feel like I have a huge roadblock preventing me from my growth and he happens to be my husband. I know that I need to invest in my business, particularly in coaching and in speaking, but my husband will freak out of I spend money on these things. I understand Universal principles, and he thinks they are smoke in mirrors. Because of this I find myself not stepping into opportunities because of his perceived reaction to those decisions. Any tips?
Money and relationships are pretty tricky, but they don't have to be.
If you and your husband have different beliefs around money, I recommend that you both start taking responsibility for your selves.
This also means that you have to stop using your husband as a shield to your success, because let's be honest here, if this situation wasn't serving you, it wouldn't be happening.
Make your own money, have your own banking accounts, and split the joint bills and expenses.
If you want to invest in your business it won't threaten his sense of security, because you'll have your own money and also be responsible for your portion of your joint expenses.
So many couples struggle with money, especially if one partner makes more than the other. Sometimes it works great and other times it's incredibly disempowering for the person who is not the breadwinner.
If you feel like your decisions are limited by your husband's money mindset, you need to have a heart to heart conversation with him, and let him know that from now on, you'll both be responsible for the bills, but that everything else will go into separate accounts.
This gives him the freedom to do what he wants with his income, and it gives you the freedom as well.
It's against the laws to ask him to change. This way, you'll both have the freedom to believe what you want about money and invest as you wish.
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This is also a great way to end and and all financial quarrels between partners..I’ve been living like this for my entire adult life and I can say I’m one of the few who never has money battles with a partner. I chalk it up to this principle….thanks David.
You’re welcome Angela. It does provide a very simple solution in situations such as these, all the while not infringing on your partner’s ability to make money. The simple truth is that if you are not investing in yourself you are content to stay exactly where you are. I appreciate the comment.
I really appreciate that you posted this question and your suggestions. I’ve felt the same way, but I always felt like I was just blaming him for my failures, and I didn’t know how to get past that. Last year I did finally take the step of setting up my own bank accounts and paying my share of our bills. However, I still feel held back because he disagrees about the direction I want to take my business. He discourages me because it’ll take too much work, I’m charging too much, I don’t word my website/ emails the way he thinks I should, etc, etc, etc… He’s never taken an entrepreneur or business class in his life and would rather go to a steady job than build a business, which is fine, but then how does he think he can advise and criticise me? And more importantly, how do I get past letting this frustrate and distract me?
You are in a difficult spot Lorraine, mainly because you are allowing it to happen. You are being held back not because of your partner, but because something inside of you doesn’t want to move forward. There are boundaries that need to be set and you are not doing that. If he continues to look over your shoulder and give you unwarranted advice that you obviously don’t appreciate, you need to tell him. That is solely on you. You are frustrated and distracted because it is serving you in some way to be in that position. Take a moment to get clear on what it is you want and communicate that to your partner. But the conversation will not take place on its own, you have to decide to make it happen.
This is a good question from Sharon and I am glad she asked it. I also appreciate the thoughtful advice you have given in return, David. I have a similar situation occurring in my own life and it has given me the clarity I need, to start making changes. Thanks a lot.
Thanks Angela. What changes are you making today to ensure that your situation doesn’t get more difficult? I look forward to hearing back.