Brought home a failing grade…what happened next?
This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from an individual who wishes to remain anonymous.
I have incredible fear surrounding saying no to my clients, disappointing my clients and possibly having my clients be angry with me. This fear exists all the time, even if nothing is going wrong in my business. It is affecting my physical health to the point that I've consulted multiple doctors and am now on medication. I also considered giving up my business on a regular basis. How can I get past this?
Thanks so much for your question…
The answer is both simple and a journey in itself.
You must learn to love yourself.
The reason you're afraid of disappointing someone is because you are relying on them to make you feel ok or worthy or good enough or loved (you pick).
At some point in your life you picked up the belief that you had to be something, do something or act a certain way to be loved. If you disappointed someone, either there were consequences, or they withheld love.
Here's an example to help you see what I mean:
A child struggles in school. Even though they are giving it their best, they bring home an F on their report card. The child's parents are disappointed, and instead of helping the child work to figure out why they are struggling, they get upset, angry or even punish the child.
The message is clear to the child that they are not good enough. So they work harder at doing whatever they can to gain the acceptance of their parents, because to them acceptance now equals love.
Fast forward to your situation.
You don't want to do anything to upset your client because it will cause you to feel that same pain you felt as a child, and so you're willing to put up with anything or do anything to avoid feeling that way again.
The only way to stop feeling this way is to love yourself the same way God loves you.
P.S: The Neagle Code: DIRECTIONS for LIFE is a weekly no-cost program that is open to everyone! Each week, I'll select and personally respond to one question received via the above “The Neagle Code” page that I feel in my heart will help the most people. (You may choose to remain anonymous if you wish, with our full support.) It is my deep, heartfelt intention that ~ in answering your questions ~ I may provide you with the Universal Truths that in committed application, will set you free. Simply submit YOUR burning question at: www.TheNeagleCode.com to participate.
P.P.S.: May I ask you to help me spread the word about this program? Is there someone you care for who is stuck, or struggling, or lost, or unhappy? Because if so, I would very much like to help. No matter their question, no matter their predicament, no matter if they've never heard of me before … if they would like to ask for help via www.TheNeagleCode.com, my Team and I will do our very best to provide that help.
Spot on, David.
It’s a real shame that this individual is actually getting sick over the issue. But when the mirror is showing so stark an image, it’s a real blessing because it leaves no doubt as to what the deep issue is.
In my own case I found that it’s almost impossible to go from negative emotions (whether generalized or specific) straight to positive. If you think of a number line, there’s no way to get from a -5 to a +5 without first going through zero. What helped me was to simply get to the point where I didn’t give a damn what happened. When that became a habit, it was easy to then move up the scale.
Some people think it’s better to have _any_ emotion rather than to feel nothing. Not true…as long as you’re in control of the process.
Just because of the nature of my work I’ve had my share of extremely negative clients – I blessed them and sent them on their way. They’ll either find help or they won’t…that’s not my responsibility. As long as I remain positive I’ll attract better clients to replace them.
I so agree, Michael! Trying to go from negative to positive is usually overwhelming. I’ve found that just getting some neutral space around the negative emotion works wonders.
And to David–spot on!
Thanks for the reply Michael! I love how you used the concept of the number line in your post; that really helps to break it down to the most simplistic level. I appreciate you sharing here!
It’s amazing how we go through certain experiences and not realise that there are people who can actually relate to what you are feeling. Firstly to David, I was one of those people… a yes man who dared not upset anyone in case they got upset with me and chose to no longer validate me!What a reality! And to Michael – I truly agree with feeling nothing as opposed to being the big, tense,fearful, scared stress ball that I’d allowed myself to become!
I’m now working off a clean slate and am able to embrace the positive and empowering emotions 🙂
Thanks Michelle. Like I posted on Facebook today, get people who constantly just tell you nice things out of your life and replace them with people who can give you a swift kick in the a** once in a while and call you on your sh**!! (I.E.: Yes Men/Women)
Here’s to your clean slate.
David, This is the post that got the most emotional response out of me. I nearly cried. It’s exactly the problem that I have too. Thank you for making clear what seems so simple yet can be so difficult for many of us.
You’re welcome Jennifer. This emotional response is directing you to take action on that which you are afraid to. Move forward and don’t look back.
You are such a special guy. What would we do without you!
Awwwww, thanks Donna. You’re going to make me cyber-blush! I appreciate that very much.
Great answer David as always! Love the example ~ it really helps people to get the message across at a deeper level. I love the word ‘unconditionally’ this is where people struggle the most…
Thanks Solvita! I used that word at the end because it basically sums up everything…and is a great reminder to all of us moving forward. Appreciate the post.
Hi david and anonymous:
David as usual you are spot on. Many of our fears are deeply rooted in our Legacy. It is important, particularly when we are helping others to stand in our authenticity. Face it head on. The fact medication is now being involved is evidence that you are alowing fear to take over.
Journal, follow positive influences, create daily affirmations of how Powerful, capable and brilliant you are. Strive to be joyous in your everday life. Most important, stand strong. Try to identify or pinpoint where you released your power and demand it back.
GOD, spirit or whoever you believe in can be instrimental in your healing. Know that you are powerful, capable and brilliant. Much success to you…
Thanks for the post Nisha. These are all really good suggestions and can be a great place to start, since you have to start somewhere. Being committed to the growth is crucial to the entire process.
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