How to find meaning in painful experiences…

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from Amanda R.


A year ago I lost everything. Financially I was close to bankruptcy and my husband asked for a divorce. It was a dark time for me. Since then I've been trying to find meaning to help me see why I attracted those painful experiences in my life. Can you help?


Hi Amanda.

Sometimes is pretty tough to find meaning in painful situations.

And honestly you may never really know why something happens, which is why I always turn to the truth in situations like that.

The truth says that the thing you need to overcome is the lesson you need to learn to be the greatest you in your life.

This lesson is part of your destiny. You wouldn't experience it if it weren't there to help you grow and heal.

Things happen not to hurt you but to heal you.

So take a moment and look back at your life. How were you different then compared to now?

Are you stronger?

More self-assured?

More independent?

Have those experiences opened doors that wouldn't have opened before?

You see, your soul created those experiences for a reason, and that reason is for you to GROW.

So be very careful of falling into a victim mentality, instead be grateful for the experience as it is helping shape who you are growing to become.

Celebrate it!

“Just Believe”,®

P.S: The Neagle Code: DIRECTIONS for LIFE is a weekly no-cost program that is open to everyone! Each week, I'll select and personally respond to one question received via the above “The Neagle Code” page that I feel in my heart will help the most people. (You may choose to remain anonymous if you wish, with our full support.) It is my deep, heartfelt intention that ~ in answering your questions ~ I may provide you with the Universal Truths that in committed application, will set you free. Simply submit YOUR burning question at: to participate.

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  1. I have heard that before, that’s about growth, and there is always the question: why is it then that some souls seem to grow through pleasure, excitement, adventure, and others through suffering, pain and desperation? Sometimes these slick answer really annoy me. I mean, it is true that we grow through these experiences (if we survive them), but heck, I really wonder why the Universe is so cruel to people? Why it has to be that way for some people when it doesn’t have to be that way for others? Sure there isn’t a mistake in the whole thing?

    • The Universe is not cruel Joseann, because it has no say in it either way. It is the person that is creating the ‘cruelty’ who is fully behind the experience. Perhaps those individuals thrive on being the victim since it gives them a feeling of acceptance and attention from others. This was likely in response to a deep seeded childhood memory that has rooted itself in the mind. That cycle needs to be broken in order to flip the mode of thinking. Remember, we are in charge of what we create, both positive and negative. Shed the victim mentality and move beyond it.

  2. Such great advice, David. I recently had a painful family experience (with one of my sisters), and even though I’m a law of attraction coach and knew the experience was happening as part of my growth, I still found it difficult to pull myself out of it, and to truly forgive. Sometimes when you’re in the middle of it all, the pain is so strong that you might question ‘why?’ – but I’ve found that working through the issues (which takes courage), and by letting time pass, you’re able to move to your next stage of growth (and freedom!).

    • So true Joanne. It does hurt while in the midst of a painful experience, but it is all a part of growth. I admire your courage to be so up-front about it and congratulations on moving forward to freedom. I appreciate the comment.

  3. Take time of heal and then become so strong and so determined that you will never ever get into a situation like this ever again and then you will realise what strength you have inside you and persue your dreams like a dervish and things will happen and happen in a great way. Please know that you are capable of ANYTHING in your life as I have been there done that and I am reaching unbelievable heights in my life just due to my determination that I will never ever let that happen to me EVER again.
    Ubt stay focused and MAKE this happen.
    I wish you love Wendy

    • Well said Wendy. Being determined and putting action behind it does make you powerful beyond measure. Make it happen indeed…

  4. This is so very, very true. In my own life, the unthinkable happened in 2000, and it took me into a very dark, very sacred, night of the soul period. Experiencing that pain and the process of healing it caused me to become who I am today … to do the work I do today.

    Wonderfulness comes out of pain, if we choose to allow it. Magnificence comes from awful experiences, if we choose to become it. And wisdom comes from loss of innocence, but we must embrace it.

    You will heal from this, Amanda. With mentors like David to guide you, you cannot go wrong.

    • Thanks for sharing Anne. It is that ‘wonderfulness’,’magnificence’, and ‘wisdom’ that assist us to rise above and continue on the path we were destined for. Embracing it and moving beyond it takes a special person; but then again we are all capable of being special if we put our focus into it. I appreciate the post!

  5. I believe these things happen in all our lives for a reason. They reawaken us, giving us the gift of getting in touch with who we are from the inside out. This is a wonderful opportunity to breath and then start living from today forward.

    Yes, I am speaking from experience. Welcome to the real, and potentially wonderful experience called life/

    • Nicely put Ivy. Welcome to the real (and remarkable) experience of life. And it just keeps getting better from here! Appreciate the post.

  6. I am guilty of what I am going to say, believe me!
    It is so easy to be happy when things are going well but we hit a boulder in the road not a bump, we feel pain and it is hard to find our way back. However, the trick is to find a way to be happy for what you do have and grateful and the rest will find its way to you. Keep in mind, and there is no doubt here, when you do find your way and you have that future that is just a wish now……..husbands find their way back!

    • Why do you feel guilty Donna? When you preface what you say with such words you are immediately judging your thinking. Whether things are going well, or not going well, they are still “going” which allows you course correct. If you don’t like something, change it. It’s that simple because you are the one designing it.