What are you tolerating?
This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from Pat.
Question:
Why I have attracted bullies into my life?
My earliest memories are of being ‘picked on' by siblings & school mates, having my possessions and artwork ridiculed and even vandalized, ideas and belongings stolen and given or credited to someone else.
I've been bullied by bosses, to the point I had a mental breakdown. I've been bullied by clients… people ‘pull the pin' on a project and refuse to pay or demand a refund after I've invested thousands of dollars in design and development.
I've been forced to take a job I hate, give up my design business. And I have an awful feeling that my new boss is another bully.
Even my spouse bullies me at times, speaking to me as if I were a child, treating me like I am not capable of the simplest things.
I used to be confident, self-assured, brilliantly intelligent, highly skilled, despite all the bullies I tolerated in my youth… but now after almost 50 years, it feels like I just can't take another emotional, financial or spiritual beating. (The only abuse I've been spared is physical.)
What could I possibly have done to ‘ask for it' like this, in every aspect of my life? I hate being a victim, I've always sworn I didn't want to be a victim, and yet, here I am – bankrupt, hopeless and heartbroken.
Answer:
Hi Pat!
The answer to this lies in the fact that at some point in your life, you gave your power away.
Sometimes this happens slowly due to a gradually escalating abusive relationship, and sometimes it happens when we are children and we don't even really realize we had power to begin with.
The beauty of the situation is that this keeps showing up in your life to get you to see that you need to take your power back and STEP into being POWERFUL.
Bullies don't want anything to do with a powerful person, because they can sense the strength at an energetic level.
In order to take your power back, I suggest that you make a list of ALL the things you are tolerating in your life, and then one by one either shift them or eliminate them.
This is non-negotiable! If you're tolerating it, it MUST change.
Being a victim may have served a purpose in your past, but it certainly is not serving you now.
You may also want to do some study to help rebuild your self-esteem. Read The 6 Pillars of Self Esteem by Nathaniel Branden, I think it will really shine some light on what's happening.
OK, now it's up to you…step into your power and then GO KICK SOME ASS!
“Just Believe”,®
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13 comments
Hey Pat,
The first thing that came to mind for me when I read this is what In my practice I call a “thought form”.
Thoughts are real things…and when they’re repeated often and strongly enough, they literally take on a life of their own…they take a “form”. They can be created by us, or by someone else and directed at us. Once that happens, they can attach to us and no matter what we do, it’s nearly impossible to escape their effect.
Whether this was created by us or by others, we still carry responsibility because as David mentions, at some point we embraced these thoughts because we perceived that they served some purpose…like making us feel as though we had no control…that others were to blame for our troubles…and so we didn’t need to take responsibility because that took a lot of effort. How dis-empowering is that?
It is possible to “think” your way out of that and release the thought form with strong intention…telling it to just get the hell away from you. But you’ve tried that in your own way. Healing practitioners can help you to pin this thing down and expunge it (and this is _not_ a promotion of my practice), But if you perhaps begin to treat this thing as a separate “entity” that’s not really you, you can begin to separate it from you, the same way you would cut off a big ol’ wart. It’s _not_ a real part of you and doesn’t belong there.
You’re the one who hung the “Kick Me” sign on your back, and you’re really the only one who can remove it.
Thanks for the post Michael.I’m sure that Pat appreciates it as well.
Well said and a ‘must do’ !
That is for sure Kevin! When will you get started?
Great advice for anyone who has tolerated anyone, including a girlfriend, wife, relative trying to twist your arm to jump their way. Each one of us has a journey in life, and we don’t need anyone telling us to screw it up their way.
Thanks for the post Robert. We certainly do have our own path and far to often attempt to conform to another in search for a false sense of security. The only security in that respect is found by following your unique path and knowing that you are being guided that way based on passion and love for what you do. That is the space when it all just clicks.
Right on! As always, very well said.
Thanks Glenn! Appreciate the post.
Hi Pat,
I am not a professional, just a mum and a woman who,s been there, done that, still struggling with it, and as such simply send you a hug, from our heart to yours.
Love @ Light to you
Kym
PS: Pat, Re-claim YOUR POWER, as the powerful woman that you are.
Thanks for the post Kym. Reclaiming the power is all about making the decision to do so. And, of course, taking action…
Thanks Pat for the question. I can relate to you as that was my story as well. I have purchased the course Miracle Money and am assimilating the ideas. I am responsible for all that has happened to me. That’s a tough one. WOW! Now to transform 68 yrs of this. However I have just listened to the 2nd CD, so taking it one day day at a time. sometimes just 5 minutes at a time. I feel full of anxiety and fear. I need to end this for it is affecting my health. Creating awareness and focus is a challenge.
Great to have you here Bernie, and am so happy you found my Miracle of Money course! It is changing lives for sure.
Realizing that you are 100% responsible for all that has happened in your life can be difficult to swallow at first. But in doing so it will serve to provide you the clarity to change it…for the better. Always remember, fear is a lie, and is only there to stop you from growing. That insidious ego needs to be silenced and stay the course to more abundant things in the future. I appreciate the post.
I also had that problem, being born (like most people) into a “dysfunctional” family, I then went on to relationships with abusive men, with abusive housemates, etc. You probably learnt that as a child in your home, and back then you didn’t know any better, you didn’t know you had any choice in the matter, you were only a small child dependent on the people that you loved, and it didn’t matter how they treated you, you still loved them and believed in them. But now, as an adult, you are aware of what you are doing, and you can say: ENOUGH! Say “ENOUGH” to all the people who are abusing you, using you or bullying you. (You might end up all alone for a while, but it will be a glorious solitude, with NO ONE to bully you around!) Kick them out if you have to! I kicked out my exes! Okay so now I’m a single mom, but I’m a HAPPY single mom and our family is the happiest and most loving in the world.
Here where I live the culture is very chauvinistic, and most boys are taught from earliest childhood to order their mothers around as if they were slaves and to insult them when the mothers don’t do what the son wants. I hear grown men (and not so grown males as well) tell their moms all the time: You’re stupid, you’re a fool, you’re so dumb, give me money NOW! I vowed that I would make sure my sons NEVER grew up that way, even though they are surrounded by people like that, and my sons are very respectful and polite to me. When they started ordering me around, the way they had heard their classmates do at home, I told them: Eh eh eh! In this family we ask for things PLEASE and THANK YOU! I’m NOT your servant!