My friend has a lack mentality. How do I respond?

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

I was visiting with some friends who are very much in the lack mentality. For instance my friend prides herself on how she only buys her clothes on sale or at Goodwill because it saves her so much money or constantly is telling me how much she paid for something. I find myself either biting my tongue to share my new insights with her or judging her. She is a close friend and I don't get to see her often, but how do you respond to people who have different beliefs than you?

Neagle Code Answer

Thanks for the great question!

I know first hand that this is a question that many people struggle with.

The first rule of thumb is that you should always surround yourself with people who are of like mind and goals. There is some truth to the old saying; “You are a product of the five closest people in your lives”.

The second thing I’d like to point out is that if you’re not verbally disagreeing with your friend, her lack beliefs are seeping into your subconscious.

Have you ever spent time with them, and then suddenly found yourself slipping back into lack thoughts and decisions, not even realizing it until you caught yourself days later?

And the third point here is that your friends aren’t asking you to help them change, therefore, it’s not your place to “set them straight.” They have the right to believe whatever they want, and if it bothers you, it’s your responsibility to make the choice to accept them, or to limit your time with them.

Usually when I get this question, I ask, “How is the relationship serving you?” I think this is something you may want to take a look at.

You’ve probably heard the saying, “A relationship is for a reason, season or a lifetime.”

It may be time for you to spend less time with these dear friends, and focus on making new friendships that support your ideals and growth.

 

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6 comments

  1. This is such a great Q & A, it brings up a lot of questions. David, would you consider elaborating in a future article or teleclass?

    The most pressing question for me is around what you said about keeping silent. It is eye-opening to realize that keeping silent might allow other people’s lack mentality to seep into my subconscious, but I’m not sure what I would say in response that would not feel like I was preaching or trying to change their beliefs. I will sit with that question but if you have additional advice that would be great.

    Thank you as always for sharing your wisdom and perspective. It continues to help me create a reality that I loving living in. 🙂

    • Thanks for the post Steph. In these situations, complete silence or a nod is you making an agreement with what is being said. This is commonplace when we are talking to our friends and family. It takes courage to speak your mind and set a boundary, and if you believe that to be preaching than you have to ask yourself why you feel that way. Do you often speak your mind? What would it look like if you did? And, setting that boundary is not attempting to change anyone’s beliefs, it is stating that you are not in agreement. That is your truth. When we speak our truth amazing things happen. I appreciate your readership and insight.

  2. Do you have any tips when those “friends” happen to be family (i.e. – Mom, Dad, etc)? The relationship is serving me because I deeply love my family and therefore being with them gives me joy. But, yes, I do notice a distinct difference in our abundance mindsets. It kind of feels like nails on a chalkboard on the occasions it come up. I haven’t felt the need to “change them”, their path is their own, but I don’t know how to handle some of your suggestions. I don’t want to have to choose between my family or my abundance, that just doesn’t feel abundant to me. The abundant question that pops into my head is “How can I have both?”

    Thanks!

    • Nikki, that is a great question with regards to having both. My advice would be to accept that you will not change your parents and know that their lack mindset is who they are. Again, you should always surround yourself with people who are of like mind and goals. When it comes to family, I am not suggesting you cut those ties, unless of course you want to. However, just know that when you spend significant time with them there is the likelihood that their mindset will infect yours. That is unless you are mentally strong enough to recognize it immediately and not be sucked into their stories. A trick I always use, because I deal with this too, is I play in my mind the thought “Isn’t this interesting.” That keeps me present and allows me to control my thinking. We will always love our family, and they did the best they could with what they knew at the time, but you have a choice on how much time you spend with them. Maybe it’s a conversation about boundaries. Just be aware that they will not change and it is not your place to ask them to. Thanks for the post.

        • Hi Kellie, thanks for the question. As I stated before, you should surround yourself with people who are of like mind and goals. When you spend significant time with people, i.e. the ones you live with, your mindset can be dictated by those around you unless you are consistently mindful. If you are not mentally strong in these situations you will easily succumb and take on many of those beliefs yourself. It all comes down to what you want moving forward. You can’t change a persons lack mentality, they have to want to change it yourself. Ask yourself why you are staying in the situation and how it is effecting your own growth. Seems like a great place to start.

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