This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from Mark P.
Hi David! I recently listened to one of your podcasts and heard you talk about shame and guilt. One of my mother’s favorite phrases growing up was, “Shame on you, Mark!” Even typing that phrase I can feel it in my stomach. Yes, I am struggling in my business…I’m an attorney and I feel guilty when a potential client tells me they can’t afford me, even though my services save them thousands. Does this all tie back to my childhood? I’m a grown man for crying out loud!
Hi Mark and thanks for your question!
The simple answer to your question is yes…what you are experiencing in your business ties directly back to your childhood. And I know that can feel frustrating and confusing, so let me explain how this works.
Shame says there’s something wrong with you, and guilt says there is something wrong with what you’ve done.
The message you received as a child when your mother perceived you had done something wrong was that there was something wrong with you. As a child you don’t have the ability to reject the idea, so you accepted it as truth about yourself.
And that is an extremely painful thing for a child. Their very survival is dependent on their parents, so the child learns that mistakes, behaviors, and any form of expression their parents don’t approve of puts them at risk. This then forces the child to change who they are, what they think and how they behave to fit in with the beliefs, values and behaviors of their parents.
They lose all sense of who THEY are and they become who their parents want them to be.
Their sense of self
You’re experiencing that inner battle between your parent’s voice in your head and who you are meant to be and what you are meant to do.
Every time you try to step out of those patterns, you hear a voice in your head telling you that you’re a bad person…you should feel guilty, and be ashamed.
Mark, how many times do you do things you don’t want to do because you’re worried about what someone else will think of you?
How many times do you discount your prices to avoid feeling guilty?
How many times do you sacrifice what you want, and put someone else’s needs ahead of your own?
Really look at ALL areas of your life.
Shame and guilt are pervasive in our society and every one of my clients have had to heal this within themselves to achieve the success they wanted.
I’m hosting a FREE 60-minute class on this topic at 1pm ET on Tuesday. I suggest you CLICK HERE and register for the class. If you can’t make it live, I’ll send you the recording.
And until then, my suggestion would be to remove your mother’s authority in your life.
Be your own mother, and everyday find at least 3 things you appreciate about YOURSELF.
Write those down and let’s start building a strong sense of self, because the truth is…
There’s not a single thing wrong with you.
PS: If you enjoy reading my weekly Neagle Code, you'll LOVE my podcast, The Successful Mind. You can expect cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships, all based in Universal Law and my own experience creating a multi-million dollar business.
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