Will spending time with negative family members deter my growth?

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from Mandy B.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

I loved your last post about relationships, and could really use your help with something. With the Holidays being in full swing, I know that I’m going to have to spend time with a family member that I’ve had a less than pleasant experience with this year. I’m over the hurt, but I do not trust them. I don’t want seeing them to send me in a tailspin…is this lack of trust going to deter my success after the holidays?

Neagle Code Answer

Hi Mandy!

If someone has not earned your trust, or has broken your trust in the past, you can love them for who they are, but ultimately you have to make a decision about whether or not you want to spend time with them and share your life with them.

Trust should ALWAYS be earned.

As I wrote last week, the only way your family member can hold you back is if you make decisions based on what they think, rather than what you want.

If you find yourself caring more about what someone else thinks rather than what you think, you are holding yourself back.

But here is the most important lesson for you:

I want you to understand that if someone has broken your trust, chances are you’ve done the same thing to someone else and this situation is simply a mirror for you.

Remember you attract everything in your life from a place of who you are being, and to not take responsibility for part of the situation will only keep it alive and painful.

If you can see the truth in what happened, it will set you free.

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  1. As I was contemplating on emailing you regarding another family matter, I came across this question to you. Your comment “if someone has broken your trust, chances are you’ve done the same thing to someone else” sparked acknowledgment and posed other questions. I was a very young parent, majority of the time a single parent. I made mistakes and have apologized to my son for my mistakes I made as a parent. I have expressed to him they are not the same decisions I would have made today, but the they were the best I was able to do at the time. What I am experiencing is that his “truths” of childhood experiences are not what really happened. (but they are his truths). I feel my son is punishing me for the past and refuses to look at the present, although he states the exact opposite it true. The sad reality is he is allowing me very limited access to my grandchildren. At my son’s initial encouragement, when the kids were 6 and 3, I moved over a thousand miles to be part of their lives. I realized my window of opportunity to create memories with the grand-kids was very limited based on how quickly they grow up. . I don’t know how to reach out to my son when he has cut me off emotionally. It is so sad he has severely limited my access to my grand-daughters not allowing our relationships to build let alone blossom. I have so much to share and give to my grand-kids and continue to ask for them to be able to spend time with me. Now it’s been 8 yrs since my move, time is no longer on my side. Any suggestions???
    P.S. Since I’ve moved here I have pursued a new business based on my passions. Through this new venture I am trusted and valued by many people and children, facilitating “life’s lessons” with my horses by being a teacher and “segregate grandmother”.

    • Victoria, this is a complicated issue because I am only getting one side of what is going on here. It sounds to me like you both might get some counseling to see if you can come to an amicable resolution together. This is the best advice I have for you given the situation; your son has all the decision making power.