Recognizing toxic people

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

How can I better recognize toxic people, so I can keep those types of people out of my life?

Neagle Code Answer

Hi and thanks for this very interesting question.

The truth is that we attract to us who we are being.

Start with yourself. If you love yourself, you will attract others who love themselves or who are in the process of learning to love themselves.

You see you are the center of your Universe. You attract people to you who will be a mirror for you.

Let me explain.

If you find that you’ve attracted a person into your life that has low self-esteem and it triggers you, it means that you have low self-esteem as well. That person is in your life so you can become aware of your next area of growth.

Remember, anything that upsets you about someone else in your life is about you and not them.

If you start with learning to love yourself, you will accept people for who they are without needing anything from them, or you’ll easily be able to let relationships go that no longer serve you.

I think Don Miguel Ruiz sums it up pretty well in his book, The Four Agreements, when he says that what people think of you has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.

The reverse must then also be true.

What you think of other people has nothing to do with them and everything to do with you.

If you want to attract people into your life that love themselves, you must love yourself first.

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  1. Hi David,
    I don’t think this is a helpful response. While I can see and agree with the point, the problem with some toxic people is that can appear nontoxic for quite some time. So, you can develop a relationship that, even once you accept the four agreements, love yourself, and see the area(s) in which you need to grow, is not so “easy” to let go. It may no longer serve you psychically, or emotionally, but it may serve some other purpose.

    While I know these Q&A are not meant to be lengthy and comprehensive sessions, I think this was a tad too glib.

    • Fair enough Janice, it’s not always easy to let that relationship go. However, you can either choose to stay in it and risk staying exactly where you are OR you can take the necessary steps to remove it from your life and move forward. The truth is successful people are willing to what’s not easy. Period.