Triggered by a Conversation with My Mom

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

I recently got divorced, and I feel like my mom is rejecting me by not telling her family about it. I confronted her about this and got triggered, because she said if I ever meet someone, I never have to tell anybody I’m divorced.

I feel like she’s denying my divorce, and therefore, she’s rejecting me and my decision too. I don’t want her to keep running away from it— I want her to accept that what’s happened in my life is real.

How can I let go of this heaviness in my chest when I have a conflict with someone? How can I grow from this?

Neagle Code Answer

I think you need to ask yourself a couple questions that will allow you to grow from this:

What are you really trying to get from your mother?

You say you want her to accept what has happened in your life. Ask yourself why? Why do you want her to accept it?

Here’s the problem…

There’s nothing you can do to make someone accept you or reject you. And it’s not your responsibility as to whether they accept you or reject you.

The key here is that she needs to play the role she’s playing in order for YOU to grow in the area that you need to grow in. If you need to grow into self-acceptance and your mother changes overnight, then you don’t need to do that anymore, because you’re going to get your acceptance from her.

The universe is sending you a very beautiful gift disguised as your mom—and that is, to accept yourself. You’re a beautiful, wonderful, amazing person just the way you are.

Accept yourself.

One way you can do this is to sit down with a piece of paper and pen, and write down all the desires you have for yourself or for anything else you’re rejecting in your life.

You’ll know you’re rejecting it if you’re not doing it. If you’re not doing anything to bring each of your desires into your life, then you’re rejecting them.

You can also ask yourself: What am I tolerating in my life right now that’s a demonstration of self-abuse? In other words, what are you allowing into your life that’s a form of not loving yourself or being toxic with yourself?

Once you have that list, go down each item and work on it…and keep working on them.

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