When you put everyone else ahead of your needs…

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

I notice I’ve been taking on responsibility for other people’s issues. I have a friend who’s in a health crisis. For the last nine months, I’ve been calling him every evening, just to have someone to chat with. It’s been very light. But recently, his story has gotten heavier. He lives alone and had to go to the ER. He reached out to me, because I’ve been communicating with him the most. (Nobody else could do it. I said yes.)

It wore me down. It feels like I’m carrying his responsibility myself. What’s the best way to handle this? Just do it, then recuperate? How do I ensure his heavy situation isn’t burdening me so much?

Neagle Code Answer

Whenever someone asks you for help (or even asks you a question) for any situation, you have to come from your #1 priority—“What is my outcome?”

When something outside of your scheduled days shows up, ask:

  • What’s actually happening here?
  • What’s the truth about this?
  • What is my outcome?
  • What is the clarity of my outcome?

You must be very clear in your conscious process that you won’t be subservient to another person’s story. Their story—and how they’re showing up—will have to be obedient to your clarity.

You’re responsible TO people, not FOR them.

You might determine that, “I need to get rest tonight, because I have a long day tomorrow, and I need to be focused. No, I won’t cut into my rest time to go save somebody else. Whatever they need is not my responsibility, and it doesn’t work for me at this moment.”

If you break that rule with yourself, you’re doing it because you’re getting into their story. Now their story becomes the thing you’re being “obedient” to.

You need clarity about everything you’re doing throughout your days—so that when something else shows up, you instantly know whether it’s a “yes” or “no.”

Even if you can help someone, that doesn’t necessarily mean you should. Always ask yourself: “How am I structuring my days so that I’m successful?

“Is this something I should be doing?”

You schedule your day based on what you need to do every day to win. Then you become obedient to that schedule.

The way I run my days, if something shows up that’s not an emergency and I’ve already planned out very specific things that need to be done (including my rest), then it’s automatically a no. Or I find somebody else to do it. Or I make a suggestion on how the person can get it done without me.

If you know your priorities, and you need rest more than you need to help someone else—then you can be fully in your power to say “no” to whatever just showed up in your life.

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