You’ve surely seen this phenomenon:

Someone who was raised in poverty achieves a great deal of success, while another person, who seemingly was given every advantage in life, squanders it.

If you’ve ever wondered why that is, seemingly is the word to notice.

Because, while that advantaged person may have been born with a silver spoon in his mouth, the person raised in lesser circumstances actually got the better deal, if she was raised to have confidence in herself.

Let Me Lead You to Confidence
When I was first starting out in my own business, I was also doing sales training for the company owned by my mentor, Bob Proctor.

After a couple of these trainings, I noticed that one of the biggest problems plaguing my trainees was their lack of self-confidence.

Thinking I had the key, I told Bob that all we had to do was teach them confidence.

He looked at me and said, “You can’t teach a person confidence.”

I quickly disagreed. I figured if you can get the idea, you can do anything. And while that’s true, I realized later what he meant.

I can’t teach you to be confident. I can, however, lead you to it.

I can lead you through this 5-part process for developing self-confidence, and hope that, like the proverbial horse, you drink it in.

But before you start taking that draft of self-confidence, you need to understand how it develops.

You Were Born This Way
Webster’s dictionary defines self-confidence in part as, “A feeling or belief that you can do something well or succeed at something.”

You were born self-confident. Nothing inside you stopped you from exploring your world.

Now, some of us were fortunate to have guardians who nurtured our native confidence, so that, rather than withering on the vine, it actually grew.

And, despite any unfortunate circumstances, we actually achieve the goals that we set. We’re on purpose in our life, and we break through barriers and obstacles that we encounter along the way.

If you weren’t raised to have unshakeable self-confidence, don’t despair, because you can develop it in yourself, like I did.

The truth is you have the ability to do virtually anything that you can wrap your mind around.

When you were a toddler, you knew that.

Just think about how many times a toddler falls down before she finally learns to stand, and then walk. It’s really phenomenal, when you think about the confidence it takes for a toddler to keep getting up.

But she does. She has an idea of walking, and she tries again and again until she succeeds.

You can be like that toddler again.

If you apply the five steps in this series, you can develop self-confidence that, in time, will become unshakeable.

And once you do that, virtually nothing is off-limits. You can do, be, or have whatever you want.

Hi David,

I'm experiencing a recurring problem. My prospective clients are saying YES enthusiastically at the end of their discovery calls, so I send an invoice and the itinerary for the program…then silence… Usually what happens next is they email me to say they've changed their mind or they ignore my follow up emails completely. I know this pattern is reflecting my own inner rejection issues because when it happens I feel hurt and disappointed. What do I need to do to move past this both in terms of inner-work and a strategy for receiving payment? I deeply desire to be of service and I'm sick of riding this particular merry-go-round.

Thanks for considering my question.

Hi Lauren and thanks for the great question!

My suggestion for you is to immediately STOP sending invoices.

Let me explain. When you have a prospect that is enthusiastic and ready to buy, you must ask for a commitment. It’s one of the only ways to know if they are actually serious or just wanting to get off the phone with you.

I recommend that once you get the verbal commitment from a prospect, you immediately ask for a deposit.

This allows you to gauge their seriousness, and work through any price or money objections while you’re on the phone with them.

The truth is…no matter what people “tell” you, if you don’t have a financial commitment, you don’t have a commitment at all.

My feeling is that you’ve been resistant to that because you fear judgment of some sort, and you’re avoiding the “no”.

But what’s happening is you’re getting the “no” regardless.

PS: The Neagle Code: Directions for Life is a weekly no-cost program that is open to everyone! Each week, I'll select and personally respond to one question received via the above “The Neagle Code” page that I feel in my heart will help the most people. (You may choose to remain anonymous if you wish, with our full support.) It is my deep, heartfelt intention that ~ in answering your questions ~ I may provide you with the Universal Truths that in committed application, will set you free. Simply submit YOUR burning question at: www.DavidNeagle.com/ask-david to participate.

Hello David,

I am at a point of stepping forward within my work as a therapist, and have already been invited to present at a couple of conferences, which offer great networking opportunities. What I have noticed with this clarity of how to move forward, is my utter terror about presenting and promoting myself and what I do, with clear intention to step up and move forward……WHY?

Thank you for any help with this.

Hi Cindy and thanks for your question!

The answer to your question is both simple and complicated…let me explain.

The primary reason you are feeling terror is because your sub-conscious mind views any growth as risk.

You see, your sub-conscious mind is your feeling mind and it uses those feelings to attempt t keep you exactly where you are.

WHY?

Because keeping you where you are means that you are “safe”.

What you’re about to do requires growth on your part. It requires you to step out and experience things you have never experienced before, and your sub-conscious senses that “risk”.

Speaking on stage opens you up to judgment and vulnerability, which again, your sub-conscious perceives as “risk”.

Always remember…Spirit does not speak to you through fear.

So every time you feel that terror, recognize that it’s your sub-conscious mind trying to keep you from moving forward and KEEP GOING!

To help you better understand the fear you’re feeling you may want to take a deep look into your thoughts and beliefs.

Do you have a fear of being seen? A fear of judgment? A fear of looking foolish?

Doing some introspective thinking may shine some light on what is giving your sub-conscious the power it has to cause you to feel that terror.

However, regardless, you must keep moving forward…that’s the only way through the fear to your success.

PS: The Neagle Code: Directions for Life is a weekly no-cost program that is open to everyone! Each week, I'll select and personally respond to one question received via the above “The Neagle Code” page that I feel in my heart will help the most people. (You may choose to remain anonymous if you wish, with our full support.) It is my deep, heartfelt intention that ~ in answering your questions ~ I may provide you with the Universal Truths that in committed application, will set you free. Simply submit YOUR burning question at: www.DavidNeagle.com/ask-david to participate.

If you’ve done any sales conversations at all, you know that the number-one objection that prospects present as a reason not to buy your product or service is money.

You get to that point in the sales conversation, and they say, “I don’t have the money,” “Our funds are allocated elsewhere,” or “We’ve got medical bills or tuition or too much debt.”

No matter how they phrase it, the solution for banishing that problem forever from your sales process is the same.

Don’t Buy Into Their Lie
The first key to dealing with any kind of objection that prospects present is to discern the real ones from the excuses.

The real objections are challenges, so you deal with them as such. Excuses are lies or beliefs in a false reality.

“I don’t have the money” is a lie.

How do you deal with this lie?

Well, first, you have to apply Pillar 1 and influence yourself.

You have to accept that money is never the problem. The problem is always urgency.

For instance, imagine a homeless drug addict, somebody who is really down and out. That person is a lost soul, trapped inside a reality that the addiction has created.

Have you ever heard of addicts who can’t get the money to buy their next fix?

No, because they always find a way.

Now, don’t get into the judgment of how they do it. That doesn’t matter. The point is that they do. And that homeless addict’s reality is much more dire than any prospect’s you’re going to be talking to.

They come up with the money, because the urgency is so great. They’ll do anything to get the money for their next fix.

So, when prospects tell you that they don’t have the money, remember that drug addict, and don’t buy into that excuse.

Instead, work on your prospects’ sense of urgency, because the urgency isn’t great enough for them to do what they need to do to get the money.

Whether that’s negotiating with their spouse to reallocate savings or getting a loan or raising their rates.

If you deal with their objection from a money place, you’re dealing with it from their reality.

And you will never influence them from their reality, because their reality says that they can’t get out of that reality.

So how do you influence them?

Remember Clarity?
You bring them clarity, which, in turn, will create urgency.

So when you encounter the money objection, ask your prospects this question:

“What’s going to happen if this problem doesn’t change?” and have them see what the exact outcome will be.

Whether that’s facing the health consequences of diabetes, or poverty as an elder, or the loneliness of remaining single if they don’t want to.

Remember, part of the problem is that they’ve pushed this negative scenario into some nebulous future, where they don’t have to deal with it.

By bringing it to the present, they will face it.

And that clarity will bring them the urgency to change the outcome.

They’ll realize that they don’t want to tolerate their problem one minute longer, and, all of a sudden, they’ll find a way to get the money for the solution they need.

And, if they really are your ideal client, the solution they need is yours.

Hi David,

Can you please tell me how to get over the fear of success? I believe it’s what’s continually stopping me from hitting my goals!

Thank you so much!

Hi Bryan and thanks for your question!

The truth is that no one is actually afraid of success.

That’s a false lie created by our ego.

If you were afraid of success, you’d never put your pants on the in the morning, because even putting your pants on is a success.

In reality what people ARE afraid of is:

1) The fear of what they believe they will have to sacrifice to be successful. This is mainly true in regard to relationships.

2) The fear of what people will think if they were successful.

3) The fear of what people will think if they fail.

These are the top 3, but of course there are many other fears that keep us bound in chains and constantly striving for success yet never achieving it.

So you are correct, you are sabotaging your success.

Universal truth states that we create everything; all the good and bad, all the successes and all the failures.

So you need to get very clear on how never achieving the success you want keeps you safe.

I know you’re thinking, “No David, not having the success keeps me feeling unsafe, why would I not want success?”

And I would answer that you have to consider what fear is renting space in your brain, because if you wanted that success as much as you wanted air to breath, you would have it.

PS: The Neagle Code: Directions for Life is a weekly no-cost program that is open to everyone! Each week, I'll select and personally respond to one question received via the above “The Neagle Code” page that I feel in my heart will help the most people. (You may choose to remain anonymous if you wish, with our full support.) It is my deep, heartfelt intention that ~ in answering your questions ~ I may provide you with the Universal Truths that in committed application, will set you free. Simply submit YOUR burning question at: www.DavidNeagle.com/ask-david to participate.

Hi David,

I have a 23 year-old daughter who is ruining her life. She doesn’t take responsibility for any of her actions, and she seems dedicated to distracting me from growing my business. I’ve heard you teach about unhealthy attachments, but she’s my daughter…

Any suggestions?

This is one of those questions for which there is no magic fix.

There are a couple of things here that you need to really think about.

1. You are 100% responsible for everything in your own life.

2. Your daughter is an adult so you are no longer responsible FOR her.

3. It is not your job to fix her. She is the only one who can change herself, and that’s only if she wishes to change.

That means that you have to decide that you are no longer going to tolerate toxic relationships in your life.

That doesn’t mean that you no longer love her.

In fact, the solution to your problem is to love her for who she is without judgment, and limit the time you spend with her by setting boundaries around what is acceptable in your life and what is not.

We all need to learn about cause and effect, and we are all responsible for our own choices and lives.

One of the best gifts we can give our children is to allow them to have their own experiences and carve their own way, even if we may not agree with them.

PS: The Neagle Code: Directions for Life is a weekly no-cost program that is open to everyone! Each week, I'll select and personally respond to one question received via the above “The Neagle Code” page that I feel in my heart will help the most people. (You may choose to remain anonymous if you wish, with our full support.) It is my deep, heartfelt intention that ~ in answering your questions ~ I may provide you with the Universal Truths that in committed application, will set you free. Simply submit YOUR burning question at: www.DavidNeagle.com/ask-david to participate.

If you’ve been following this series, you now know how to close 80-100% of your ideal prospects in 15 minutes.

Knowledge is vital, but to actually start closing those sales, you have to apply what you’ve learned.

To inspire you to do that, here are all five of the pillars again:

Pillar 1: Become Your Own Pillar of Influence

In the context of sales, influence is the art of equating in the mind of your ideal clients the fact that you have the solution they need.

Influence, not pressure, is your best sales tool, because your ideal prospects already want or need your product or service. They may not realize that yet, however, because they’re in a prison of their own situation.

Your job is to bridge the gap between that prison and their solution. But in order to coax someone out of his or her prison, you first have to coax yourself out of yours.

In other words, in order to harness the power of influence, you must first influence yourself. Here are three ways to do that:

1. Get real.
Be honest about any ideological prisons that you’re in. For instance, are you telling yourself what you can’t afford? Or why your clients won’t pay high fees?

Negative beliefs directly impact your bottom line, repel those high-paying clients, and blind you to opportunities.

2. Talk to yourself.
Every sales conversation needs to begin with a conversation with yourself to be sure that you are coming from a place of “influence energy.”

Before every sales call, spend 10 minutes, asking yourself questions like these:

“What is the desired outcome of this call?”
“What energy state do I need to be in, in order to be influential?”
“How will I help this person get out of his/her prison?”
“How am I going to influence him/her?”

3. Gain knowledge at the level that you want to be, not where you are.
Be willing to stretch your mind, invest in trainings, and travel to events. If you won’t invest in trainings for yourself, how can you expect your clients to invest in yours?

Pillar 2: Put Yourself in the Position to Influence

If you want to be able to turn your prospects’ objections into commitments, you have to put yourself into the correct position to influence them. Here are four ways to do that:

It will keep them going when they falter, and sustain them during those dark moments when they confront what they need to confront in order to change.

1. Make it inbound.
Create situations where your prospects come to you. This positions you as an expert who is in demand.

For instance, have your prospects call you for strategy sessions versus you calling them. Speak at conferences, where a host will introduce you as an expert who has helped hundreds of people in the past. After your talk, your ideal prospects should flock to you.

2. Dress the part.
To be seen as a person of influence, dress to impress at business or networking events. Wear clothing that is appropriate to your niche or style, but that makes you stand out and brings out your best.

3. Polarize the conversation.
Rather than responding to introductory questions, ask your own questions to quickly determine if the person you’re talking to is your ideal client or not.

For instance, when someone asks me what I do, instead of answering, I say, “Let me ask you a question. If your annual income suddenly became your monthly income, what in your life would change?”

For more details about how to polarize conversations, or to read any of the other articles in this series, please see my blog.

4. Bring an assistant with you.
Having an assistant with you at networking events positions you as a high-level expert, while also freeing you to move on to the next person, as your assistant puts the prospect into your calendar and builds excitement about your work.

Pillar 3: Attract Your Ideal Client

Your ideal client is someone who already wants or needs your product or service, and is demonstrating an urgency to change by actively seeking a solution.

They’re buying books and going to conferences, seminars, and workshops. Even better is if they’re willing to travel. When people are willing to deal with the inconvenience and expense of traveling to events, they are serious about change.

The key to attracting your ideal clients is to determine exactly where they are demonstrating the want and need for what you do, both online and offline, and go there.

For instance, what online groups do they belong to? Who do they follow? What seminars do they attend? Where do they gather?

Pillar 4: Ask Questions During a Discovery Conversation

You can’t tell your prospects that you’re the right mentor for them. They’ll just get defensive and resist. You have to influence them so that they have that thought themselves.

As you ask your prospects the four questions of the discovery conversation, and lead them to connect powerfully with their own truth, this should happen automatically.

Those four questions are:

Question 1: “What are you looking to accomplish?”

Tailor that question to your specific business, product or service, and then listen to their response. They will tell you what you need to know.

Question 2: “What is the biggest problem in your business (or life) right now?”

With this question, you’re finding out what they want and need, but, more important, they’re beginning to get clear about their problem. They’re also bringing it from some nebulous future into the present, where they can finally face it and see their solution.

Question 3: “Why do you think you have that problem?”

If their answer to this or any of these questions is incorrect, don’t tell them that or argue with them. You’re not going to draw clarity out of them if they feel defensive.

You want to listen, but more than that, you want to really hear them.

If you can hear what they’re saying with your own feelings, and then express that empathy while asking the fourth question, you will influence them every time.

Question 4: “How badly do you want this to change?”

If you’ve asked this question with empathy, while also conveying a tone of authority, your prospects should feel permission to be authentic and tell you the truth.

This will likely elicit emotion, which means that they’re committing to you emotionally.

With their laughter or tears, they’re asking you for a directive as to what to do.

Secure the Sale and Create Momentum.
What you do then is solidify the commitment. While staying emotionally connected to them, say, “Let’s get this going,” and ask for their credit card number, or tell them you’ll be turning them over to your assistant, who will get the number and get them started.

In either case, before you get off the phone, create momentum by giving your new clients an immediate taste of the transformation that’s to come, such as by assigning them an exercise to complete.

And then, apply the last pillar.

Pillar 5: Transference of Belief

The sale is your new clients’ first step toward finally having the life of their dreams.

Believe in their greatness and be excited for them, so that they will be excited as well.

Your belief in their greatness will help keep their own doubt at bay and will sustain them during dark moments.

And while you hold the vision of what’s possible for them, you begin to see that much more is possible for you too.

As you apply these 5 Pillars, and work with your new clients, you step beyond prison bars you didn’t even know were there, and begin to walk your own path of greatness as well.

Dearest David,

I think I may need a bop on the head. I am so used to over servicing my clients and “gifting” my acquaintances and friends with my services, that I’m bleeding myself dry. I know I need to reverse this pattern but I’m just not sure how. Any suggestions on what I need to do to stop this and charge ANYONE what I’m worth?

Thank You!

Great question! I addressed a similar question on my blog in 2013…here was my response:

Charging what you’re worth is simply a decision.

And the truth is, if you don’t find enough value in what you have to offer to charge for it, others won’t see the value either.

So you need to make the decision that no matter what, you will not give your advice, services or insight away for free.

If someone asks you for help, even if they are a friend, say to them, “I’d love to help. Let’s set up a time to talk about your goals and aspirations so that I can clearly recommend next steps for you.”

On that call, clearly re-state the purpose of the call, make sure you take control by asking questions, and make recommendations of which program or service will get them to their goals the quickest.:

From now on, you will set your prices based on your financial goals rather than your emotions. And you will never make an offer to someone that is not in line with your financial goals.

You have to hold yourself to these agreements even if you feel it threatens your relationship with friends or clients.

By doing this you will begin to see that people WILL pay you what you believe you are worth.:

You’re not reversing a subconscious pattern; you’re creating a new one.

PS: The Neagle Code: Directions for Life is a weekly no-cost program that is open to everyone! Each week, I'll select and personally respond to one question received via the above “The Neagle Code” page that I feel in my heart will help the most people. (You may choose to remain anonymous if you wish, with our full support.) It is my deep, heartfelt intention that ~ in answering your questions ~ I may provide you with the Universal Truths that in committed application, will set you free. Simply submit YOUR burning question at: www.DavidNeagle.com/ask-david to participate.

Hi David!

After studying your sales strategy, I can say that I can now make a fair number of sales. HOWEVER, the problem I’m experiencing now is that I can’t seem to KEEP the sale! In the past month four people have contacted me 3-4 days after I’ve sold them, and told me that they needed to back out.

What am I doing wrong???

Thanks so much!!

One of the most overlooked parts of a sales conversation actually happens AFTER the sale has been made.

Let me explain.

Once the sale has been made and you have received a deposit, it is crucial for you to continue the conversation by telling them what to expect.

Example:

“You know, you’ve just made a big decision to invest in yourself and grow. And we know that anytime your ego feels threatened you will create circumstances in your life to get you to change your mind or to stop moving forward. So let me ask you something. What’s going to cause you to change your mind?”

This accomplishes two things. It lets them know what to expect so if they start to create chaos, they can quickly identify it for what it really is. And second, if they decide to change their mind, you can resell them using their own words.

Example:

“When we spoke a couple of days ago, you said that overwhelm can derail you. Now you’re telling me that you are overwhelmed and can’t move forward. Isn’t this interesting? Your ego is paying a mind trick on you, so let’s go back to the truth…. (and then you re-engage them in the resale conversation).

If you end your conversations using this technique, you’ll find that your new clients will feel well informed and will be more likely to stick with their initial commitment.

PS: The Neagle Code: Directions for Life is a weekly no-cost program that is open to everyone! Each week, I'll select and personally respond to one question received via the above “The Neagle Code” page that I feel in my heart will help the most people. (You may choose to remain anonymous if you wish, with our full support.) It is my deep, heartfelt intention that ~ in answering your questions ~ I may provide you with the Universal Truths that in committed application, will set you free. Simply submit YOUR burning question at: www.DavidNeagle.com/ask-david to participate.

The 5th Pillar of Influence is short but profound: believe in the greatness of your new clients, so that they can believe in it too.

If you have reached this final Pillar of Influence, you have just secured a sale.

Congratulations! You have much to celebrate.

You accomplished this sale by carefully applying the first four pillars, which were:

• Pillar 1: Become your own power of influence so that you can influence others

• Pillar 2: Put yourself into the position to influence

• Pillar 3: Attract your ideal client

• Pillar 4: Ask questions during a discovery conversation

Believe in Them
The sale is your new clients’ first victory. It is their first step toward the change that they need to make in order to have the life of their dreams.

You want to be excited that they have stepped beyond the bars of their prison to begin this process of transformation.

You want to be excited about it, so that they will be excited as well.

Your Belief Sustains Them
If you’re nervous, they will be nervous too, which will cause doubt to fester in their mind.

Doubt will stop their transformation in its tracks, and they’ll probably go into buyer’s remorse.
Your belief in their greatness is a cloak that will help keep their doubt at bay.

It will keep them going when they falter, and sustain them during those dark moments when they confront what they need to confront in order to change.

They Have Chosen You
I’m sure you know from personal experience that change is not easy, and we all need help.

From the time we are born ~ utterly dependent upon our caregivers for survival ~ we learn how to determine if a person can help us or not.

Your new clients see in you the hope for their new life. They have chosen you as the person to guide them.

Isn’t that an honor and a privilege to take with utmost seriousness?

And isn’t that why you’re in business? To create positive outcomes in people’s lives?

Of course it is.

Pillar 5 Cuts Both Ways
Well, here’s the other wonderful thing about Pillar 5. It goes both ways.

While you are holding the vision of their greatness and what’s possible for them, you begin to glimpse your own greatness as well.

You begin to see that much more is possible for you than you realized.

And as you take this journey of change with your new clients that these 5 Pillars have allowed you to take, you are transformed.

You step beyond prison bars that you may never have known were there, and walk your own path of greatness as well.