Category: David

Most parents, while trying to keep their children safe, inadvertently, teach them to fear.

As I explained last time, if fear-inducing messages outweigh confidence-nurturing messages, you grow up approaching opportunities with a sense of caution, rather than stepping into the world with courage and confidence.

Fortunately, as I’m showing you in this series, it is possible to root out this early programming and redevelop the unshakeable confidence that you were born with.

What Were YOU Taught?
The first step to any change is to be honest. Look at your own childhood to see what was nurtured in you.

Were you encouraged to be courageous and bold?

Or were you taught to look under every bush?

What kinds of messages did you hear more of as you were growing up?

Did you parents tell you that can do anything you put your mind to?

Or did they mostly tell you what’s not possible, even if they disguised it with outrage or resentment.

For instance, “Only rich people get to do that.” Or “The system is rigged against people like us.”

We’re programmed with either fear or confidence, not both.

And it’s the predominant message that wins out.

Again, your socioeconomic status has little to do with it.

Children can be raised in a ghetto with drugs and gangs, but if prominent people in their lives encourage them and feed their minds with what they could and can do, those children can sail beyond their peers, who lack that same support.

And we certainly don’t have to look far to see people raised with wealth and privilege, who seem to squander the opportunities that come their way.

The Welcome Chink in the Armor
As I said, 99% of the time, I grew up hearing what I cannot do. But, fortunately, two factors intervened to help me break the cycle of fear.

1. I was inquisitive enough to hold onto the idea that I would like to do something meaningful even though everybody was telling me I could not.

2. My parents got divorced and I moved around a bit.

Most kids look back at their parents’ divorce and bouncing around the country as something harmful. For me, it was beneficial.

Their divorce when I was young allowed me to have a variety of experiences that broke up the fear-inducing messages a little bit.

It didn’t squash the messages I was getting at home, but it allowed other messages to come in that I could hear.

So I didn’t get as solid in what I thought I couldn’t do.

There was always a chink in that armor.

And there was always enough wonder about what I really wanted to do, which kept that spark alive.

You have that spark as well, or you would not be reading these words.

So hear this, while you need to recognize the truth of your programming, it actually doesn’t matter how thoroughly you were programmed to fear.

Because, in this series, I will show you the five steps for fanning that little spark of what you think you can do into a flame.

And with that flame of unshakeable self-confidence, you can be, do, or have whatever you want.

Hi David,

I’ve recently heard you tell people that they need to spend their way to success. Can you explain that a little better please?

Thanks for the question!

What I mean when I say you have to spend your way to success is you have to be willing to invest in your own growth.

If you’re not willing to invest in yourself and your business, you will never be fully successful. For you to grow and your business to grow, you have to up-level.

You have to believe that you can earn a certain amount of money. Then you make financial commitments that will give you enough pressure to get to work. You want to commit to the next level, but not so much that you fold under the pressure.

When you’re too comfortable with where you are, it doesn’t create urgency to change and you won’t do what you have to do to earn the money you want.

It is easier to stay in your comfort zone than to go beyond it; therefore if you don’t create the urgency that forces you out of it, you will get just to the edge of your comfort zone, but not far enough to really create change.

So raise your standard of living and buy that new car or that new thing you want.

But remember, you also have to raise your standard in your work to bring in the money to pay for it.

Keep doing this and your level of success as well as your income will continually increase month after month.

PS: The Neagle Code: Directions for Life is a weekly no-cost program that is open to everyone! Each week, I'll select and personally respond to one question received via the above “The Neagle Code” page that I feel in my heart will help the most people. (You may choose to remain anonymous if you wish, with our full support.) It is my deep, heartfelt intention that ~ in answering your questions ~ I may provide you with the Universal Truths that in committed application, will set you free. Simply submit YOUR burning question at: www.DavidNeagle.com/ask-david to participate.

Hi David, I just purchased your Compassionate Conversion Flowchart, and I really love it and the audio training.

I was wondering if, during a conversation with a potential client, there are any red flags that would signal to you that this person would not make a good client, and that if they worked with you, they would not get the results they say they want. I have had calls with people so mired down in their problems that the only thing they “want” is a negative – they just want the problem to not exist but they can't see a vision for the possibility of their life without the problem.

Are there certain types of people that just wouldn't make good coaching clients? How do you spot them? And is it “OK” to wish them well and let them go?

Or is this some issue with me being unable to pull a bigger vision out of them?

Thanks, David! Xoxo

Hi and thanks for your GREAT question!

You know, I’ve been saying for years that people have the right to be as happy as they want to be or as miserable as they want to be.

You shouldn’t have to “pull” a bigger vision from anyone.

And a rule that I live by is if you have to drag someone into a program, you’ll have to drag them around. That’s not enjoyable for either party.

All this being said, there are some red flags to alert you that a prospect may not be a good fit for coaching.

1) Have they demonstrated a willingness to change? (You want a yes here.) In your conversation you should be able to identify their sense of urgency or their reason for wanting to change, and you should be looking for things they have already started doing to begin to change.

2) Do they take responsibility for their life and circumstances? (You want a yes here.) Generally someone who does not take responsibility for everything in their life is not coachable, and if you take them on as a client, you’ll be the next person blamed for their situation.

Always remember, that you’re looking for people who WANT to change…not for people who find significance in drama and despair.

PS: The Neagle Code: Directions for Life is a weekly no-cost program that is open to everyone! Each week, I'll select and personally respond to one question received via the above “The Neagle Code” page that I feel in my heart will help the most people. (You may choose to remain anonymous if you wish, with our full support.) It is my deep, heartfelt intention that ~ in answering your questions ~ I may provide you with the Universal Truths that in committed application, will set you free. Simply submit YOUR burning question at: www.DavidNeagle.com/ask-david to participate.

Hi David!

I have had someone that I trusted embezzle money from me, and I just can’t let it go. I know it’s negatively affecting my business. Any suggestions on how I can move past this and create from a positive place again?

Thanks so much!

Hi Richard!

I know how you feel.

I had something similar happen to me several years ago.

To get through it I had to look to the truth.

And the truth is that we create everything in our life…all the good and all the bad. And we create everything for a reason.

The first step in forgiving your business partner is to take responsibility for your part in it.

Ask yourself: What did this situation have to teach me?

Find the hidden gifts and lessons that you need to see, and be grateful for them.

The second step is to let go of that money knowing that you can put your efforts into creating it again, but this time from a better, more prepared and healthy place.

If you continue to see yourself as a victim of this situation, you will continue to be unforgiving and angry

If you can see this situation from an empowered place, everything will shift and you’ll feel the peace you’re looking for.

PS: The Neagle Code: Directions for Life is a weekly no-cost program that is open to everyone! Each week, I'll select and personally respond to one question received via the above “The Neagle Code” page that I feel in my heart will help the most people. (You may choose to remain anonymous if you wish, with our full support.) It is my deep, heartfelt intention that ~ in answering your questions ~ I may provide you with the Universal Truths that in committed application, will set you free. Simply submit YOUR burning question at: www.DavidNeagle.com/ask-david to participate.

As I said last time, you were born self-confident. When you were a baby, you didn’t stop yourself from exploring your world.

If you have children, you know that this is true. Toddlers get into everything.

And well-meaning parents and guardians, while attempting to keep their children safe, unfortunately, undermine their natural self-confidence and teach them to fear.

How Fear Is Taught
Humans aren’t born with the same instinct that runs through the rest of the animal kingdom that basically tells them what to do and what not to do.

Our nature is to explore, to determine what we want and don’t want, and then to create our environment to reflect our desires.

For the most part, other species adapt to their environments rather than create them. Sure, beavers can build elaborate dams and ants remarkable tunnels, but animals aren’t going to build a rocket ship and send it to the moon. They don’t have the same capacity as we do to create — or destroy — their environment.

During their explorations, children can get themselves into all kinds of dangerous situations.

They’ll put their hand on a hot stove. They’ll walk into water that’s over their head. They’ll climb tall trees and towers.

Since there’s only so much a parent can do to protect their children, they teach their kids to protect themselves by programming fear into them. A few of these fear-inducing messages include:

“No, don’t do that.”
“You’re going to hurt yourself.”
“You need to stay safe,” etc.

Now, don’t misunderstand me. Of course, you have to protect your children. You have to cover sharp corners and warn them of the real dangers in the world.

You just want to make sure that the balance of confidence-nurturing messages outweighs the fear-inducing ones.

What is the child hearing more of as they go through those formative years before they get into adulthood? That is the issue.

For instance, when I was growing up, 99% of what I was taught was what not to do, as opposed to being taught what I could do.

Fear Becomes a Habit
If fear messages are programmed into you more than confidence messages, you develop anxieties, worries, concerns.

All the reasons why you can’t do something are programmed into your little mind, and fear becomes a habit.

As you start to become an adult, you observe the world you’re stepping into through the lens of fear, approaching all opportunities with an attitude of caution instead of courage and confidence.

For example, you might look for a job that offers the most security, as opposed to something you would enjoy.

Instead of thinking what you will do, create, be, or even overcome, in order to make your mark in the world, you’re thinking how you can keep yourself safe.

Those two very different mindsets inform every choice you make, and create drastically different lives.

So the million-dollar question, which I’ll return to next time, is this: What was the approach of the people who raised you?

Were you predominantly taught what you could do or what you could not do?

Was your natural confidence nurtured and affirmed? Or were you taught to fear?

Hi David!

Thanks so much for this opportunity!

I’m resisting picking up the phone and contacting my prospects, because I’m unsure as to how to start the conversation. Do you have any suggestions for how I can open these types of conversations?

Thanks so much!

The opening of a sales conversation is one of the most overlooked AND most important parts of the process. It is so essential that it has the power to make or break the entire call.

Why is it so important?

It is vital that you maintain control of the conversation from the very beginning. In order to do this, you must establish control right from the start and make sure YOU are leading the conversation.

IF YOU DON’T, it is very difficult to regain control and you will not make the sale.

There are three parts to a solid opening:

1. Greeting: Tell them who you are.
2. Purpose: Tell them why you are calling.
3. Ask: Jump right into my Compassionate Conversion Flow Chart

You must have a reason to start the conversation. If you don’t have one, create one!

Example: “Hi ______. This is Jane from _______. You recently subscribed to my list and I’m calling because I’d love to learn about you and your business. What is the biggest challenge you are currently facing in ________?”

Lastly, remember to be calm, confident and in control.

PS: The Neagle Code: Directions for Life is a weekly no-cost program that is open to everyone! Each week, I'll select and personally respond to one question received via the above “The Neagle Code” page that I feel in my heart will help the most people. (You may choose to remain anonymous if you wish, with our full support.) It is my deep, heartfelt intention that ~ in answering your questions ~ I may provide you with the Universal Truths that in committed application, will set you free. Simply submit YOUR burning question at: www.DavidNeagle.com/ask-david to participate.

You’ve surely seen this phenomenon:

Someone who was raised in poverty achieves a great deal of success, while another person, who seemingly was given every advantage in life, squanders it.

If you’ve ever wondered why that is, seemingly is the word to notice.

Because, while that advantaged person may have been born with a silver spoon in his mouth, the person raised in lesser circumstances actually got the better deal, if she was raised to have confidence in herself.

Let Me Lead You to Confidence
When I was first starting out in my own business, I was also doing sales training for the company owned by my mentor, Bob Proctor.

After a couple of these trainings, I noticed that one of the biggest problems plaguing my trainees was their lack of self-confidence.

Thinking I had the key, I told Bob that all we had to do was teach them confidence.

He looked at me and said, “You can’t teach a person confidence.”

I quickly disagreed. I figured if you can get the idea, you can do anything. And while that’s true, I realized later what he meant.

I can’t teach you to be confident. I can, however, lead you to it.

I can lead you through this 5-part process for developing self-confidence, and hope that, like the proverbial horse, you drink it in.

But before you start taking that draft of self-confidence, you need to understand how it develops.

You Were Born This Way
Webster’s dictionary defines self-confidence in part as, “A feeling or belief that you can do something well or succeed at something.”

You were born self-confident. Nothing inside you stopped you from exploring your world.

Now, some of us were fortunate to have guardians who nurtured our native confidence, so that, rather than withering on the vine, it actually grew.

And, despite any unfortunate circumstances, we actually achieve the goals that we set. We’re on purpose in our life, and we break through barriers and obstacles that we encounter along the way.

If you weren’t raised to have unshakeable self-confidence, don’t despair, because you can develop it in yourself, like I did.

The truth is you have the ability to do virtually anything that you can wrap your mind around.

When you were a toddler, you knew that.

Just think about how many times a toddler falls down before she finally learns to stand, and then walk. It’s really phenomenal, when you think about the confidence it takes for a toddler to keep getting up.

But she does. She has an idea of walking, and she tries again and again until she succeeds.

You can be like that toddler again.

If you apply the five steps in this series, you can develop self-confidence that, in time, will become unshakeable.

And once you do that, virtually nothing is off-limits. You can do, be, or have whatever you want.

Hi David,

I'm experiencing a recurring problem. My prospective clients are saying YES enthusiastically at the end of their discovery calls, so I send an invoice and the itinerary for the program…then silence… Usually what happens next is they email me to say they've changed their mind or they ignore my follow up emails completely. I know this pattern is reflecting my own inner rejection issues because when it happens I feel hurt and disappointed. What do I need to do to move past this both in terms of inner-work and a strategy for receiving payment? I deeply desire to be of service and I'm sick of riding this particular merry-go-round.

Thanks for considering my question.

Hi Lauren and thanks for the great question!

My suggestion for you is to immediately STOP sending invoices.

Let me explain. When you have a prospect that is enthusiastic and ready to buy, you must ask for a commitment. It’s one of the only ways to know if they are actually serious or just wanting to get off the phone with you.

I recommend that once you get the verbal commitment from a prospect, you immediately ask for a deposit.

This allows you to gauge their seriousness, and work through any price or money objections while you’re on the phone with them.

The truth is…no matter what people “tell” you, if you don’t have a financial commitment, you don’t have a commitment at all.

My feeling is that you’ve been resistant to that because you fear judgment of some sort, and you’re avoiding the “no”.

But what’s happening is you’re getting the “no” regardless.

PS: The Neagle Code: Directions for Life is a weekly no-cost program that is open to everyone! Each week, I'll select and personally respond to one question received via the above “The Neagle Code” page that I feel in my heart will help the most people. (You may choose to remain anonymous if you wish, with our full support.) It is my deep, heartfelt intention that ~ in answering your questions ~ I may provide you with the Universal Truths that in committed application, will set you free. Simply submit YOUR burning question at: www.DavidNeagle.com/ask-david to participate.

Hello David,

I am at a point of stepping forward within my work as a therapist, and have already been invited to present at a couple of conferences, which offer great networking opportunities. What I have noticed with this clarity of how to move forward, is my utter terror about presenting and promoting myself and what I do, with clear intention to step up and move forward……WHY?

Thank you for any help with this.

Hi Cindy and thanks for your question!

The answer to your question is both simple and complicated…let me explain.

The primary reason you are feeling terror is because your sub-conscious mind views any growth as risk.

You see, your sub-conscious mind is your feeling mind and it uses those feelings to attempt t keep you exactly where you are.

WHY?

Because keeping you where you are means that you are “safe”.

What you’re about to do requires growth on your part. It requires you to step out and experience things you have never experienced before, and your sub-conscious senses that “risk”.

Speaking on stage opens you up to judgment and vulnerability, which again, your sub-conscious perceives as “risk”.

Always remember…Spirit does not speak to you through fear.

So every time you feel that terror, recognize that it’s your sub-conscious mind trying to keep you from moving forward and KEEP GOING!

To help you better understand the fear you’re feeling you may want to take a deep look into your thoughts and beliefs.

Do you have a fear of being seen? A fear of judgment? A fear of looking foolish?

Doing some introspective thinking may shine some light on what is giving your sub-conscious the power it has to cause you to feel that terror.

However, regardless, you must keep moving forward…that’s the only way through the fear to your success.

PS: The Neagle Code: Directions for Life is a weekly no-cost program that is open to everyone! Each week, I'll select and personally respond to one question received via the above “The Neagle Code” page that I feel in my heart will help the most people. (You may choose to remain anonymous if you wish, with our full support.) It is my deep, heartfelt intention that ~ in answering your questions ~ I may provide you with the Universal Truths that in committed application, will set you free. Simply submit YOUR burning question at: www.DavidNeagle.com/ask-david to participate.

If you’ve done any sales conversations at all, you know that the number-one objection that prospects present as a reason not to buy your product or service is money.

You get to that point in the sales conversation, and they say, “I don’t have the money,” “Our funds are allocated elsewhere,” or “We’ve got medical bills or tuition or too much debt.”

No matter how they phrase it, the solution for banishing that problem forever from your sales process is the same.

Don’t Buy Into Their Lie
The first key to dealing with any kind of objection that prospects present is to discern the real ones from the excuses.

The real objections are challenges, so you deal with them as such. Excuses are lies or beliefs in a false reality.

“I don’t have the money” is a lie.

How do you deal with this lie?

Well, first, you have to apply Pillar 1 and influence yourself.

You have to accept that money is never the problem. The problem is always urgency.

For instance, imagine a homeless drug addict, somebody who is really down and out. That person is a lost soul, trapped inside a reality that the addiction has created.

Have you ever heard of addicts who can’t get the money to buy their next fix?

No, because they always find a way.

Now, don’t get into the judgment of how they do it. That doesn’t matter. The point is that they do. And that homeless addict’s reality is much more dire than any prospect’s you’re going to be talking to.

They come up with the money, because the urgency is so great. They’ll do anything to get the money for their next fix.

So, when prospects tell you that they don’t have the money, remember that drug addict, and don’t buy into that excuse.

Instead, work on your prospects’ sense of urgency, because the urgency isn’t great enough for them to do what they need to do to get the money.

Whether that’s negotiating with their spouse to reallocate savings or getting a loan or raising their rates.

If you deal with their objection from a money place, you’re dealing with it from their reality.

And you will never influence them from their reality, because their reality says that they can’t get out of that reality.

So how do you influence them?

Remember Clarity?
You bring them clarity, which, in turn, will create urgency.

So when you encounter the money objection, ask your prospects this question:

“What’s going to happen if this problem doesn’t change?” and have them see what the exact outcome will be.

Whether that’s facing the health consequences of diabetes, or poverty as an elder, or the loneliness of remaining single if they don’t want to.

Remember, part of the problem is that they’ve pushed this negative scenario into some nebulous future, where they don’t have to deal with it.

By bringing it to the present, they will face it.

And that clarity will bring them the urgency to change the outcome.

They’ll realize that they don’t want to tolerate their problem one minute longer, and, all of a sudden, they’ll find a way to get the money for the solution they need.

And, if they really are your ideal client, the solution they need is yours.