You Can’t (and Shouldn’t) Help Everyone

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

I’m having inconsistency in my business, and it’s bothering me. My goal is make more money and have less confusion and fewer steps to get there. I want to have fewer, higher paying clients. I know I can get these bigger clients, but I keep taking all the little clients.

I want to help them all. When someone comes to me, it’s like, “Why would I say no to someone who wants to pay me money? If I say no to this person, what if something else doesn’t come along?” But when I do that, I have less time to find that bigger client. What should I do?

Neagle Code Answer

That’s coming from fear.

It’s actually out of integrity for you to take every client. You can’t—and shouldn’t—help everyone.

As a professional, your job is to determine whether you can really help someone or not… and if you should help them or not.

You have to look at your own criteria. Consider:

  • How you want to run your business
  • The freedom you want
  • The amount of money you want to make
  • The people whom you can help

There will be always someone who wants your help, who you probably shouldn’t work with. You have to learn how to discern that—and not take those clients, even if they’re willing to pay you.

That’s not okay. If you do that, you lose. And you hurt your own integrity.

I know it seems crazy, but it’s a lack mindset to think otherwise.

You’ll feel so good about yourself when you tell someone, “No,” who seriously wants to pay you—because they don’t fit the criteria for working with you. That feels so good.

You’ll realize you’re overcoming your own fear of lack when you do that, which indicates growth—and that’s really good.

Remember…
you shouldn’t help everyone,
even if you CAN help them.

You mentioned that you want to work with “big clients.” So keep that in mind when you’re speaking to a potential client. Use a discerning process to look at whether a client fits your criteria.

Is the person who’s coming to you for help a “big” client? If the answer is yes, then you can proceed and figure out whether or not you can help them.

If the answer is no, then it’s not a match. Move on. Because you can’t help everyone.

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

  • Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships.
  • Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice, and meet others who value truth and growth!
  • Join me at The Art of Success Summit! This October, I'm getting a group of amazing business owners together for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

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Triggered by a Conversation with My Mom

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

I recently got divorced, and I feel like my mom is rejecting me by not telling her family about it. I confronted her about this and got triggered, because she said if I ever meet someone, I never have to tell anybody I’m divorced.

I feel like she’s denying my divorce, and therefore, she’s rejecting me and my decision too. I don’t want her to keep running away from it— I want her to accept that what’s happened in my life is real.

How can I let go of this heaviness in my chest when I have a conflict with someone? How can I grow from this?

Neagle Code Answer

I think you need to ask yourself a couple questions that will allow you to grow from this:

What are you really trying to get from your mother?

You say you want her to accept what has happened in your life. Ask yourself why? Why do you want her to accept it?

Here’s the problem…

There’s nothing you can do to make someone accept you or reject you. And it’s not your responsibility as to whether they accept you or reject you.

The key here is that she needs to play the role she’s playing in order for YOU to grow in the area that you need to grow in. If you need to grow into self-acceptance and your mother changes overnight, then you don’t need to do that anymore, because you’re going to get your acceptance from her.

The universe is sending you a very beautiful gift disguised as your mom—and that is, to accept yourself. You’re a beautiful, wonderful, amazing person just the way you are.

Accept yourself.

One way you can do this is to sit down with a piece of paper and pen, and write down all the desires you have for yourself or for anything else you’re rejecting in your life.

You’ll know you’re rejecting it if you’re not doing it. If you’re not doing anything to bring each of your desires into your life, then you’re rejecting them.

You can also ask yourself: What am I tolerating in my life right now that’s a demonstration of self-abuse? In other words, what are you allowing into your life that’s a form of not loving yourself or being toxic with yourself?

Once you have that list, go down each item and work on it…and keep working on them.

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

  • Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships.
  • Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice, and meet others who value truth and growth!
  • Join me at The Art of Success Virtual Summit! In April 2022, I'm getting a group of amazing business owners together for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

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When you put everyone else ahead of your needs…

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

I notice I’ve been taking on responsibility for other people’s issues. I have a friend who’s in a health crisis. For the last nine months, I’ve been calling him every evening, just to have someone to chat with. It’s been very light. But recently, his story has gotten heavier. He lives alone and had to go to the ER. He reached out to me, because I’ve been communicating with him the most. (Nobody else could do it. I said yes.)

It wore me down. It feels like I’m carrying his responsibility myself. What’s the best way to handle this? Just do it, then recuperate? How do I ensure his heavy situation isn’t burdening me so much?

Neagle Code Answer

Whenever someone asks you for help (or even asks you a question) for any situation, you have to come from your #1 priority—“What is my outcome?”

When something outside of your scheduled days shows up, ask:

  • What’s actually happening here?
  • What’s the truth about this?
  • What is my outcome?
  • What is the clarity of my outcome?

You must be very clear in your conscious process that you won’t be subservient to another person’s story. Their story—and how they’re showing up—will have to be obedient to your clarity.

You’re responsible TO people, not FOR them.

You might determine that, “I need to get rest tonight, because I have a long day tomorrow, and I need to be focused. No, I won’t cut into my rest time to go save somebody else. Whatever they need is not my responsibility, and it doesn’t work for me at this moment.”

If you break that rule with yourself, you’re doing it because you’re getting into their story. Now their story becomes the thing you’re being “obedient” to.

You need clarity about everything you’re doing throughout your days—so that when something else shows up, you instantly know whether it’s a “yes” or “no.”

Even if you can help someone, that doesn’t necessarily mean you should. Always ask yourself: “How am I structuring my days so that I’m successful?

“Is this something I should be doing?”

You schedule your day based on what you need to do every day to win. Then you become obedient to that schedule.

The way I run my days, if something shows up that’s not an emergency and I’ve already planned out very specific things that need to be done (including my rest), then it’s automatically a no. Or I find somebody else to do it. Or I make a suggestion on how the person can get it done without me.

If you know your priorities, and you need rest more than you need to help someone else—then you can be fully in your power to say “no” to whatever just showed up in your life.

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

  • Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships.
  • Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice, and meet others who value truth and growth!
  • Join me at The Art of Success Virtual Summit! In April 2022, I'm getting a group of amazing business owners together for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

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What Am I Responsible For?

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

I’ve heard you say we’re responsible for controlling our thoughts, what we say, and what we put out there to market our business. But we’re not responsible for how another person interprets what we say. “I’m not responsible for what someone understands.” Does that mean I’m not supposed to care about how they respond? Should I try to help them even if they don’t get it?

Neagle Code Answer

There’s a difference between not being responsible for how they interpret it and trying to help them see it in a more productive light.

If someone is working with me, I’ll always go to the 9th or 10th degree to help them see things in a more productive light—because I know they’re stuck. I know they’re coming from the reality of their current experience, or from a past story, or maybe even trauma in their life. And I know how difficult it is to break through that.

When a person completely rejects what you’re saying or trying to do, there’s nothing you can do about that.

Just understand that they’re responsible for how they interpret it and for what they decide to do with that information.

It’s totally okay to try to help a person understand something. But look at the context. Why are you having a conversation with this person to begin with?

Did they ask for help?

If they didn’t ask for help, in my opinion, it’s not our right to run in and save people.

My mentor Bob Proctor told me, “Everybody has a right to be as miserable as they want to be.”

We make ourselves miserable when we start going out there and trying to correct everybody else.

We have enough work to do on our own plate.

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

  • Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships.
  • Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice, and meet others who value truth and growth!
  • Join me at The Art of Success Virtual Summit! In April 2022, I'm getting a group of amazing business owners together for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

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Dealing with Difficult Clients

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

I’m a CPA. And in the past, I’ve had clients with a lot of financial anxiety that they ended up taking out on me. But I’m trying to avoid this now because I would like to reduce the amount of stress in my life and not be affected by these things. How do I do it?

Neagle Code Answer

It’s not easy doing business with people who often fall into victim mode and blame others for things that happen.

The good news is there are a few ways to deal with this.

But personally, I wouldn’t even work with people who don’t take responsibility for their own circumstances; because if someone doesn’t see me working with them as a benefit, I wouldn’t even try to build a relationship with them.

The logical thing to do here would be to change the group of people that you’re working with and selling to.

If you try to change someone, chances are that you won’t succeed.

We simply can’t make other people change.

Now, I get that you may not be in a position where you can just switch out your clients. A lot of people are scared and anxious these days, especially with the whole COVID situation.

With this scenario in mind, the best thing that you can do is change YOUR mindset.

How?

By coming from a place of compassion.

The best way to keep your sanity is to not take it personally when other people’s anxiety lashes out. 

Understand that it has nothing to do with you, even though it’s directed at you. Some people just don’t have healthy coping mechanisms, and that’s neither your fault nor responsibility.

Finally, you can (and should) try to ensure that this behavior doesn’t get directed towards you. And the most effective way to do it is to set boundaries. 

So, tell your clients that their behavior is unacceptable and that you won’t tolerate it.

Remember that you’re not the cause of your client’s problems. And you’re under no obligation to solve them or suffer for them. 

You can either move on or set healthy boundaries to keep your peace intact.

P.S. Whenever you're ready… here are 3 ways I can help you grow YOUR business:

  • Listen to The Successful Mind Podcast. Three times per week I drop cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation and relationships.
  • Join other like-minded small business owners in my Transformation Facebook Group! Allow us to be a place to share ideas, get advice and meet others who value truth and growth!
  • Join me at The Art of Success Virtual Summit! In April 2021 I'm getting a group of amazing business owners for 3 days to work on exponentially growing their business.

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Toxic Team Member

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

David,

I am a business owner and have a small 5-person team. My issue is that my office manager has been with me for YEARS…but I’m noticing recently that I always feel like I’m walking on eggshells around her and I avoid having conversations with her about her performance…in fact, I even feel guilty about asking her to change or do things differently. My gut is telling me this is not a good situation, but my heart is telling me that I need her on my team.

What is going on?

Neagle Code Answer

To be honest, the answer to this question is that you’re allowing a toxic relationship to develop within your business.

The feeling that you’re walking on eggshells is a key indicator that you’ve got an unhealthy work relationship in the works. And here’s the thing… if you don’t face this issue head on it will become a cancer within your business and affect you, your team and your profits.

One of the many ways that toxic people manipulate is by doing things for you and then making you feel obligated to them.

And if you’re like most people, you make it easy for them to do this in two main ways:

1. You are practically primed to feel guilty.

Because guilt is a value that so many people are raised with and know very well, it’s not difficult for a toxic person to inflict it upon you, and use it as a tool to control you and get you to do what they want.

2. You don’t set consistent and clear boundaries — or any boundaries at all.

Boundaries are imaginary lines between you and others that divide up what’s yours and what’s theirs.

This applies not only to your body, your money and your belongings, but also to your feelings, thoughts and needs.

One word of caution here.

Toxic people don’t like it when
you start setting boundaries.


That’s because you’re breaking the subconscious agreement between you, which is: “I’m going to abuse you” or “I’m going to be toxic in your life.”

Also, setting boundaries will likely trigger them, — which can actually intensify their manipulation as they try to beat you back down into the submissive place where they once had you.

That’s why it’s really important to get education and support in dealing with, and safely disengaging from, the toxic people in your life.

And then finally, you can begin to create the healthy, supportive team that you desire.

Join me Tuesday, Aug 6th and Thursday Aug 8th for a FREE 2-Part training I’m hosting that will help you see if toxic relationships are sabotaging your business. And as an added bonus I’m going to teach you the EXACT words you need to say to set a boundary with anyone in any scenario. CLICK HERE for all the details!

PS: If you enjoy reading my weekly Neagle Code, you'll LOVE my podcast, The Successful Mind. You can expect cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships, all based in Universal Law and my own experience creating a multi-million dollar business.

Will you do me a favor? Subscribe, listen and leave me a review! I'd love to know what you think!

Thanks in advance…click on the graphic below to listen in:

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My toxic adult daughter

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David,

I have a 27 year-old daughter who is ruining her life. She doesn’t take responsibility for any of her actions, and she seems dedicated to distracting me from growing my business. I’ve heard you teach about unhealthy attachments, but she’s my daughter…

Any suggestions?

Neagle Code Answer

This is one of those questions for which there is no magic fix.

There are a few things here that you need to really think about.

1. You are 100% responsible for everything in your own life.

2. Your daughter is an adult so you are no longer responsible FOR her.

3. It is not your job to fix her. She is the only one who can change herself, and that’s only if she wishes to change.

The only way she can distract you from your business is if you let her.

This means that you have to decide whether or not you are going to tolerate toxic relationships in your life.

It doesn’t mean that
you no longer love her.

In fact, the solution to your problem is to love her for who she is without judgment, and limit the time you spend with her by setting boundaries around what is acceptable in your life and what is not.

We all need to learn about cause and effect, and we are all responsible for our own choices and lives.

One of the best gifts we can give our children is to allow them to have their own experiences and carve their own way, even if we may not agree with them.

PS: If you enjoy reading my weekly Neagle Code, you'll LOVE my podcast, The Successful Mind. You can expect cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships, all based in Universal Law and my own experience creating a multi-million dollar business.

Will you do me a favor? Subscribe, listen and leave me a review! I'd love to know what you think!

Thanks in advance…click on the graphic below to listen in:

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Need a side job?

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David!

I am facing a new chapter in my life. I’m recently divorced and have finally given myself permission to follow my desire in terms of a business. I know I have all the tools, but I need some time to put it all together and build.

My question is this: during this time as I build and map out, I have to generate some income in order to pay bills while I launch this new project. As it pertains to the laws of the universe, would it be OK for me to generate money doing work to support this initial step even if it’s not my true passion, but that can support this process at this time?

Neagle Code Answer

Hi!

This is a fantastic question and the answer lies within the concept of setting strict boundaries for yourself in terms of time and money and “thinking like success”.

It is absolutely fine and sometimes necessary to do work in one area while transitioning into another. However, there are a few things that need to take place to make sure this decision doesn’t end up sabotaging your desires or even side-tracking them.

First: Set your goal and stick to it.

Do your research and find out exactly how much money you need to earn to finance your new endeavor. Plan how you’re going to set that money aside (perhaps in it’s own savings account that is not to be used for anything).

Second: Set a definitive date by which you will completely transition. This date must be FIRM.

Third: Calendar! Make sure you are calendaring ALL of your business planning activities. This needs to be a priority. Do not let anything distract you from this.

If you follow these 3 steps, you’ll have the capital and the plan in place to completely transition into doing what you truly love!

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

PS: If you enjoy reading my weekly Neagle Code, you'll LOVE my brand new podcast, The Successful Mind. You can expect cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships, all based in Universal Law and my own experience creating a multi-million dollar business.

Will you do me a favor? Subscribe, listen and leave me a review! I'd love to know what you think!

Thanks in advance…click on the graphic below to listen in:

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Feeling Mistreated?

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Why have I attracted abuses into my life?

My earliest memories are of being ‘picked on' by my peers. I've also been abused by authority figures. And most recently, I've been pushed around by clients who refuse to pay for the work I’ve fulfilled.

Even my spouse and children mistreat me at times, speaking to me as if I were a child, treating me like I am a complete idiot.

You teach that we have to take personal responsibility for everything in our lives, but what could I possibly have done to ask for this?

Neagle Code Answer

Hi, and thanks for the GREAT question!

The answer to this lies in the fact that at some point in your life, you gave your power away.

Sometimes this happens slowly due to a gradually escalating abusive relationship, and sometimes it happens when we are children and we don’t even really realize we had power to begin with.

The beauty of the situation is that this keeps showing up in your life to get you to see that you need to


Take your power back and
STEP into being POWERFUL.

Abusers don’t want anything to do with a powerful person, because they can sense the strength at an energetic level.

In order to take your power back, I suggest that you make a list of ALL the things you are tolerating in your life, and then one by one either shift them or eliminate them.

This is non-negotiable! If you’re tolerating it, it MUST change.

Being a victim may have served a purpose in your past, but it certainly is not serving you now.

You must also begin to set boundaries with the people in your life. You need to tell them what you will no longer tolerate.

The next time someone belittles you or verbally abuses you, stop them and tell them that you will no longer tolerate being spoken to that way and remove yourself from the situation.

OK, now it’s up to you…step into your power and then GO KICK SOME ASS!

PS: If you enjoy reading my weekly Neagle Code, you'll LOVE my brand new podcast, The Successful Mind. You can expect cutting edge information and strategies relating to success mindset, leadership, wealth creation, and relationships, all based in Universal Law and my own experience creating a multi-million dollar business.

Will you do me a favor? Subscribe, listen and leave me a review! I'd love to know what you think!

Thanks in advance…click on the graphic below to listen in:

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How to set proper boundaries in your business and personal life

This week's question from my portal “The Neagle Code: Directions for Life” comes from someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Neagle Code Question

Hi David!

I feel like my business is swallowing me up, and it’s to the point now that I can’t see a difference between my personal life and my business life. Even my friendships and relationships are steeped in my business to the point where I feel like I can’t have a genuine conversation without someone in my life asking for coaching or business tips. I know I need to untangle this, but am unsure of the steps.

Thanks!

Neagle Code Answer

Hi, and thanks for this question.

The fact that you see your business life and personal life as one is a key indicator that you have not set proper boundaries for your life and in your relationships.

Your business life should be your business life, and your personal life should be your personal life.

Here are some suggestions on how to set proper boundaries.

1) Have a set start and end time to your day. Do not let your work invade your personal time. Work will always fill the time you allot it, so you may find that you are much more efficient when you have a limited time to work on your business. Use your calendar and stick to it!

2) Get involved in something outside your business. If you like travel, join a travel club. If you like to read, join a book club. If you like to hike, join a hiking club. This will expose you to people who know nothing about your business, but still share the same interests that you do. They won’t want anything from you except your thoughts on your favorite destination, book, or hiking trail.

3) Schedule time with your current friends and gently let them know that you’re not open to a conversation about your business, and you don’t feel you can be their coach and their friend at the same time. You’d much rather be their friend. If you’re worried about what you’ll talk about, think about purchasing a small box of conversation starters. They are great to spark new and interesting conversations.

4) Do some journaling about who you are outside of your business. You need to begin to realize that your business is not your identity.

PS: The Neagle Code: Directions for Life is a weekly no-cost program that is open to everyone! Each week, I'll select and personally respond to one question that I feel in my heart will help the most people. (You may choose to remain anonymous if you wish, with our full support.) It is my deep, heartfelt intention that ~ in answering your questions ~ I may provide you with the Universal Truths that in committed application, will set you free. See the sidebar to ask your question today!

 

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