Did this happen to you?

Did you get stuck or confused as you tried to apply Steps 1 and 2?
(As you tried to determine the thought that keeps you from seeing the results you want, and then replace that thought with one based in Universal Law?)

If so, I encourage you to try again.

It’s almost certainly the case that you got stuck because weren’t working on the correct problem.

You see, most of us have layers and layers of stories we tell ourselves about ourselves, so it can be a real challenge to accurately identify the thought, belief or story that is the core of our difficulties.

In other words, your issue likely isn’t what you think it is.

Case Study: Fear of Sales Conversations
For instance, a student of mine had a lot of fear come up around sales conversations and thought the core problematic belief had to do with the outcome, so he might have created this Step 1:

I can’t do sales conversations because I’m afraid they won’t be successful.

While that might be true, it wasn’t the problem that was keeping him stuck.

The real issue was about his father.

He was a grown man, but he kept getting hooked into an old story that was triggering fear with other people. He had the secret hope and wish that his father would stop rejecting him and start accepting him.

Because this was all subconscious, every sales conversation became a conversation with his father.

He wanted his prospects to accept him. He needed them to accept him, because he didn’t accept himself.

Once he realized the right problem, he could then apply Steps 1 and 2 correctly:

Step One: I want to do sales conversations, but I can’t because I might be rejected, which triggers the rejection I felt from my father.

Step Two: I can do sales conversations because the outcome doesn’t matter to my self-esteem. Whether the person chooses to work with me or not, I accept myself. I am worthy just as I am.

Can you see the difference that would make?

Freed from his need to be accepted by the people he wants as clients, instead, he can show up powerfully and serve them.

A Common Problem
I used my student’s story, because it’s very common.

Many people desire approval more than money, but most people aren’t aware of that. They just struggle and don’t know why.

When you’re making sales, you’re putting yourself in the position of being rejected more than being accepted. That is a mathematical fact in business. More people say no than yes, and that goes for every business on the planet.

So you have to get to the point where you approve of yourself, and you are your own authority.

That’s what this series is all about.

So try again with Steps 1 and 2, and begin to kick your core problem to the curb.

And then with Step 3, next time, you can finally start seeing the results that you want in your life.

(Click here to find the earlier Step 1 and Step 2 articles.)

Hi David,

I really, really desire a new car. But I also have credit card debt that I need to pay off. I hear your voice in my head telling me to act on my desire, but I also have a voice in my head telling me to pay off my debt FIRST. Am I thinking about this inaccurately?

Great question!

I think the real question here isn’t actually about where to spend your money; it’s a question of mindset.

You see, the lower and middle class mindset is steeped in the word “OR”.

They ask, “Should I do this OR should I do that?”

They see limitation and lack.

The wealthy think in terms of “AND”.

They ask, “What would need to happen for me to do this AND that?” OR “What would I need to do differently so that I could have this AND that?”

They see possibility and abundance.

I want to encourage you to think like the wealthy.

What are you resisting doing or being that would allow you to pay off your debts AND purchase the car?

That’s the question you must ask if you wish for your financial situation to change.

PS: The Neagle Code: Directions for Life is a weekly no-cost program that is open to everyone! Each week, I'll select and personally respond to one question received via the above “The Neagle Code” page that I feel in my heart will help the most people. (You may choose to remain anonymous if you wish, with our full support.) It is my deep, heartfelt intention that ~ in answering your questions ~ I may provide you with the Universal Truths that in committed application, will set you free. Simply submit YOUR burning question at: www.DavidNeagle.com/ask-david to participate.

Hi David,

I recently heard you say that a fear of success is not real. And yet, I think I have a fear of success. I have every opportunity to have a thriving business, but when I get close to thriving, I put the brakes on. Can you explain to me how this is NOT the fear of success, because it sure feels like it.
 Thanks!

Hi Amanda,

First, I want to be clear. What you are dealing with is not the fear of success.

No one is afraid of success. You succeed in different areas of your life everyday.

What you are struggling with is the fear of what you believe you will need to leave behind in order to achieve success.

You put the brakes on because:

A) You’re worried about what people are going to think of you if you make a mistake

B) You’re worried about what people will think of you if you do achieve success

C) You’re worried about who you will need to leave behind if you seek your own success

D) You’re worried about what you will have to give up to accept success into your life

You see, it’s never about the fear of success, it’s about the stories you have around success.

Check in with yourself right now.

Ask yourself the following questions:

1) Who will I need to walk away from to be successful?

2) What risks will I need to take that may threaten my fear of what people may think of me?

3) What things will I need to walk away from that will no longer support my success?

4) Am I willing to do whatever it takes for my own success?

These questions will help you see how your sub-conscious mind is getting in your way of standing confident in your decision-making.

As soon as you shine the light of the truth on this, you’ll be able to see things in a whole new way!

PS: The Neagle Code: Directions for Life is a weekly no-cost program that is open to everyone! Each week, I'll select and personally respond to one question received via the above “The Neagle Code” page that I feel in my heart will help the most people. (You may choose to remain anonymous if you wish, with our full support.) It is my deep, heartfelt intention that ~ in answering your questions ~ I may provide you with the Universal Truths that in committed application, will set you free. Simply submit YOUR burning question at: www.DavidNeagle.com/ask-david to participate.

Strong words in that title, but how else would you describe the thoughts, beliefs and stories that undermine your efforts to have the life you want?

That’s why Step 1 of my Five Simple Steps to Unshakeable Self-Confidence is to root out these thoughts by finding the “I can’t, because…” messages that are operative for you.

I walked you through this last time, but, as a reminder, these are things you say to yourself, such as:
“I would like to go to the conference but I can’t, because I’m not accomplished enough.” Or “I would like to make more money, but I can’t, because I’m a creative person. Creative people don’t make money.”

Once you identify the limiting beliefs that are lodged in your subconscious, Step 2 tells you to replace them with a higher thought.

Choose to believe in an idea that is based in powerful Universal Truth.

Flip It
The simplest way to find that higher thought to believe in is to flip the I can’t, because message.

This is a two-part process:

1. Instead of saying why you can’t do something, start saying why you can.

For instance, “I want to go to the conference, but I can’t, because I’m not accomplished enough,” becomes, “I want to go to the conference and I can because________”

2. And then you find a reason to put after “because” that is based in Universal Law.

The best Universal Law to employ on a regular basis is the Law of Polarity. This states that if you have an idea or desire the means of attaining that desire is already around you. In fact, you could not have an idea if it were impossible for you to manifest it.

Your New Story
After applying Step 2, your new stories might sound like this:

“I can go to the conference because I am accomplished enough to benefit from it. Otherwise, I would never have had the desire to go. The idea never would have occurred to me.”

And, “I would like to make more money, and I can, because I have that desire; therefore, it must be possible for me as a creative person to make more money.”

More Work to Do
Step 2 is a solid start, but you’re not done yet.

It’s very likely that the ways you think things should be done are also based in your old story.

So while you start telling yourself that you can make more money, and you realize, in fact, that some of the wealthiest people on the planet are creative, you still might not see the results you want.

Because the ways that you apply that new belief, the actions that you take, are still based in your erroneous thinking.

And that’s why rebuilding your unshakeable confidence, and making a lot more money, requires three additional steps.

More on that, of course, next time.

David,

How do you learn to trust yourself again after “failures” when your sub-conscious very strongly keeps reminding you of those failures and constructs new ways of keeping you stuck?

Fantastic question!

Failure is simply a judgment placed on a result.

The real problem lies with how we THINK and FEEL about failure.

If you fail and attach emotional meaning to that failure, it will trigger a core belief about yourself.

You may even say things to yourself like:

“I’m not smart enough, I’m never going to succeed, I can’t believe this isn’t working, what’s wrong with me?”

“My parents were right…”

Or even

“ I don’t even know why I bother…”

This is how the downward spiral starts.

The truth is that failure is nothing more than a result.

And the purpose of that result is for our own learning. Begin to see failure as a GIFT.

Ask yourself:

What don’t I understand about this?

Who do I need to be to get a different result?

The most successful people in the world have experienced more failure than success.

After all, your own success lies in the ability to respond to results… to course correct and take risks in order to get different results without attaching emotions.

PS: The Neagle Code: Directions for Life is a weekly no-cost program that is open to everyone! Each week, I'll select and personally respond to one question received via the above “The Neagle Code” page that I feel in my heart will help the most people. (You may choose to remain anonymous if you wish, with our full support.) It is my deep, heartfelt intention that ~ in answering your questions ~ I may provide you with the Universal Truths that in committed application, will set you free. Simply submit YOUR burning question at: www.DavidNeagle.com/ask-david to participate.

Hi David,

In some of your recent teachings you talk about uncovering what your areas of resistance are. I’ve been taking a close look at myself, and I notice that I resist being silly and vulnerable. I very much want to be a speaker, and I can see how this resistance is affecting my ability to really step into that. Any advice on how to break through this?

Hi Roger and thanks for your question!

What’s so bad about being silly?

I’m asking you to answer for yourself, because hidden in the answer to that question is the wound you’re trying to protect.

Let me explain.

When you speak from stage, or in any instance where you’re influencing people, you must come from a place of authenticity.

This means allowing yourself to be vulnerable with your audience. Allow them to really see you, because in you showing them that vulnerability is okay, you give them permission to be vulnerable as well.

You make an immediate connection with a prospect and they know you can help them because you were able to do something that they are afraid of.

Are you afraid to be seen as silly because you worry about judgment? Are you concerned about what people think of you?

If so, you’re coming from a place of getting approval and acceptance rather than a place of helping someone else.

My recommendation is for you to begin embracing your silliness. Look at where you can share personal stories and allow yourself to be more vulnerable.

Once you start doing this you’ll realize the impact it has on people, and you will gradually stop being afraid of the judgment.

PS: The Neagle Code: Directions for Life is a weekly no-cost program that is open to everyone! Each week, I'll select and personally respond to one question received via the above “The Neagle Code” page that I feel in my heart will help the most people. (You may choose to remain anonymous if you wish, with our full support.) It is my deep, heartfelt intention that ~ in answering your questions ~ I may provide you with the Universal Truths that in committed application, will set you free. Simply submit YOUR burning question at: www.DavidNeagle.com/ask-david to participate.

When you were a child, the adults around you either nurtured the self-confidence you were born with — or they tore it down.

Unfortunately, as I’ve said, most people’s natural self-confidence was torn down.

Again, this wasn’t malicious in most cases. Your guardians were trying to keep you safe, and, in the process, taught you to fear.

Luckily, rebuilding your self-confidence is not as difficult as you might imagine. It follows a simple procedure of only a few steps.

I Can’t Because…
The first step to rebuilding your natural self-confidence is to identify the thoughts, stories or beliefs that are running through your subconscious, reinforcing the fear messages you received as a child, and keeping you stuck.

One of the best ways to recognize those thoughts is to find the I can’t because messages that are operative for you.

Let me explain.

Most of us have some variation of this statement running through our minds: “I would like to do this, but I can’t because ____.”

Whatever comes after “because” reveals two things:

1. The circumstances or environment that you are experiencing.

2. And the story that you have about those circumstances or environment.

For instance,

I would like to go to the conference but I can’t because:

…I’m not ready.

…I don’t have the money.

…I’ll just waste the opportunity.

…I’m spending too much time away from my kids as it is.

…I’m not smart enough (or accomplished enough) to play at that level.

Each of those clauses reflect a different limiting belief about why that person can’t go to the conference.

Apply This
Before we go any further, I want you to apply this for yourself. Recognize what I can’t because messages are controlling you.

I would like to ________, but I can’t because _________.

You don’t have to spend a lot of time digging this out. You don’t have to go to a psychiatrist.

Whatever follows “because” tells you exactly why you believe that you can’t do, be or have the thing you want.

Now, chances are you have several I can’t because messages swimming around your subconscious.

So, do the exercise again with a different situation. And then again.

Take this opportunity to ferret out these toxic messages, once and for all.

What to Do Next
You now have a list of 2, 3, 5, 7 harmful messages that you believe. So what do you do now?

First, let me acknowledge that your belief system is your reality and perception of what you’re experiencing. And whatever you’re perceiving is very real to you. I understand that.

The problem is, as long as you’re coming from that kind of thinking, you are allowing the fear messages you learned as a child to undermine your self-confidence, and limit your life.

So Step One is to identify those limiting beliefs, thoughts, or stories that you tell yourself about why you can’t do, be or have what you want.

And Step Two is to replace those thoughts.

I’ll show you how to do that next time.

Hi David,

How do you “be” the person you desire to be when your whole life has been filled with judgment, fear and pain? Where do you get the fortitude to step out of your paradigm and re-create yourself?

Thanks for the question!


The first thing to realize is that everything comes from within you. As children, we are taught to look outward for validation of what the world is like. But the truth is that all experiences come from inside of you.

You get to decide who you want to be and what you want your reality to be. It is not determined by anyone else but you.

But, your reality won’t change until you start making new decisions.

See your current situation as a place to work from. Even if you aren’t currently the person that you need to be to go where you want to go, you can choose to be that person now.

What kind of person has what you want?

What are their characteristics?

Once you have that list, make a decision to start adopting those qualities as your own and be that person all the time.

Your desire to change has to be stronger than the fear you are feeling.

Fear is an illusion; a result of false programming that formed your current reality.

Once you believe more in the Truth than you do your own story, change will be automatic.

PS: The Neagle Code: Directions for Life is a weekly no-cost program that is open to everyone! Each week, I'll select and personally respond to one question received via the above “The Neagle Code” page that I feel in my heart will help the most people. (You may choose to remain anonymous if you wish, with our full support.) It is my deep, heartfelt intention that ~ in answering your questions ~ I may provide you with the Universal Truths that in committed application, will set you free. Simply submit YOUR burning question at: www.DavidNeagle.com/ask-david to participate.

Last time, I told you that in order to develop unshakeable self-confidence, you have to be in control of you. You have to be your own authority.

That makes sense, doesn’t it?

If you’re listening to someone else, you’re not listening to yourself.

You’re ceding your own authority, looking outside of yourself for answers; when, in fact, everything you need to know comes from within.

You Know Best
YOU know better than anyone else who you are and what you need.

But until you recognize that truth, and step into your own authority, you will never lead yourself to a place of 100% self-confidence.

And the steps I’m going to show you over the next few weeks to develop that self-confidence won’t have the desired effect.

So before I move on to that first step, I want you to take this simple quiz to determine if you are in control of yourself and, if not, who is:

Quiz

Are You in Control of You?

1. Do you have the desire to do something that you’re not doing?

Yes or No?

If you answered yes, something or someone else is in control of you. It really is as simple as that.

2. When you feel like doing something, do you tend to talk yourself out of it?

Yes or No?

If you answered yes, again, you’re putting someone else’s agenda over yours.

3. If you aren’t in control of yourself, ask yourself, “Who is?”

Is it a parent? Religious leader? Your spouse?

Whose voice is drowning out your own internal voice?

Who is telling you who you are, what you should be doing, where you should be going and how you should be doing it?

Your inner wisdom is right there for you, trying to guide you in all ways, but most people just aren’t listening.

Fortunately, you have a choice.

Make a Decision
You have the power right now to make a decision that from here on, you’re going to be your own authority and let no one else control you but you.

You have the power to start listening to your internal voice and follow its guidance.

You have the power to say, “This is who I am. This is what I want. This is who I want to be in my life. These are the experiences I want to have. This is how much money I want to make. And here are the ways I want to give back to others in my life.”

Because the truth is, you choose who has the power in your life. And you always have.

I say, choose you.

Be in control of you.

Be your own authority, and you will rekindle the self-confidence that is your birthright.

Hey David!

My intention is to have monthly events to make money, do what I love and grow my community. I am flying high at and after my events, on top of the world — until the day after when my negativity comes in. I start thinking that people don't like me anymore; I question whether they'll come back. It gets weird in my head. This is clearly an issue. I have been doing my best to stop it when it happens, breathe and bring in new thoughts. It's almost torture at times. I hate that I do this to myself but also happy that I am conscious of it now. So what I wonder, are there any additional techniques on how to flip the switch on these thoughts and interrupt the pattern — as well as stay in that I’m-great-and-did-a-great-job energy??




Hi! Thanks for your question and your honesty.


It’s wonderful that you are conscious of this pattern in your life, but you must do more than breathe and bring in new thoughts… you must build your self-esteem.

You see, the reason you feel on top of the world after your event is because you are feeding off of the energy and appreciation of the audience. Once that acknowledgement and appreciation fade, your wound re-appears.

A person with a fully developed self-esteem would speak from stage because that is what they are meant to do. They wouldn’t care who liked them or appreciated them.

I always tell my audience, that my job is not to be their friend, and I don’t care if they like me or not.

I know that I have a message to speak, and the people who need to hear will, and those that aren’t ready, won’t. Either way, at the end of the day, I feel good about me and the fact that I’ve given my best to help whomever is willing to listen.

For you, I’d suggest taking a deep look at your need for appreciation and acknowledgement.

Why do you need this from the audience?

Why do you need them to like you, when whether or not they like you is actually none of your business.

Once you begin to take steps to build your self-esteem you’ll find yourself becoming less worried about what others think, and more powerful from stage.

PS: The Neagle Code: Directions for Life is a weekly no-cost program that is open to everyone! Each week, I'll select and personally respond to one question received via the above “The Neagle Code” page that I feel in my heart will help the most people. (You may choose to remain anonymous if you wish, with our full support.) It is my deep, heartfelt intention that ~ in answering your questions ~ I may provide you with the Universal Truths that in committed application, will set you free. Simply submit YOUR burning question at: www.DavidNeagle.com/ask-david to participate.